Chapter 36
“That is also a good idea. I mean, if you are fine with it. Marriage is a bit early, but if we are lovers, even if money is exchanged, we can simply write a loan note…”
It was an ambiguous answer. Even with a chance to be with the man she liked, Leila did not seem particularly happy. The phrase good idea sounded less like joy at becoming lovers and more like evaluating it as a good solution for Bjorn’s debt.
An unpleasant and stifling feeling tormented Bjorn, but since he had heard something close to acceptance, it was time to say the next line.
“Then Miss Leila, before becoming true lovers there is something I must tell you. There should be no lies or secrets between lovers.”
At Bjorn’s almost solemn tone, Leila also looked at him with a serious expression. Seeing the face so focused on his words brought a wave of self-loathing when he thought of what he was about to say, yet he had already come too far to turn back.
Now truly give up on me, Leila Bailey. Please.
“Will you listen without being surprised?”
“Of course. Honestly, I’m not sure there is anything more surprising than hearing the amount of your debt.”
Over Leila’s light joke meant to ease the atmosphere, Allen’s confident voice unpleasantly overlapped in his mind.
‘You confess you are impotent. I guarantee this alone will end the game.’
Bjorn shut his eyes tight. If he delayed any longer, the words would never come out.
“I am actually… impotent.”
Was it finally over. Having played his final and greatest card, he even felt a kind of relief. With this, the situation would completely reverse.
Leila, receiving his move, still looked dazed.
“Impotent… You mean…”
Ah, perhaps it was not an expression a proper lady would grasp at once. With humiliation, Bjorn added an explanation.
“It means I cannot fulfill the role of a man.”
Without needing to pretend, a sorrowful expression naturally appeared on his face. His pride as a man shattered, and the very thing he had struggled to suppress earlier would also cry at the claim, but there could be no more definite flaw than this.
‘Even my wife would run for her life if she heard that.’
Bjorn agreed with Allen’s words. Though as someone with no experience and an especially austere life even for a paladin he couldn’t truly grasp how fatal it was, the fact that that part was broken gave an instinctively terrible feeling.
Did it not mean he was hardly even biologically a man. If he were a woman, he would not want such a partner either. He desperately hoped Leila would think the same.
“Ah, the role of a man.”
Perhaps she needed a moment to understand, Leila paused before letting out an “Ah,” and her face turned bright red.
At the same time the atmosphere rapidly dampened. Surprise, shock, confusion, regret, and even sympathy. He could feel Leila’s emotions changing in real time.
‘Say it would be difficult to become serious partners. Say you cannot stand to see me and tell me to leave at once, say you cannot date a man who lacks manners, has no money, and cannot even function as a man. Please.’
Having played his last card, Bjorn prayed inwardly. He soon listened to Leila’s calm voice.
“I truly never expected to have a conversation with you about such a topic. Um, it’s a little embarrassing.”
Leila muttered while looking only at the tabletop where they sat, her face flushed.
‘Don’t feel guilty and just dump me already.’
Bjorn thought the same inwardly. Yet her next words shattered his expectations again.
“I don’t know how this will sound… but I never really considered whether you had such desires, so I was a bit flustered.”
This time Bjorn was the one dumbfounded.
She had never thought he possessed such desires… What did that even mean.
Holding onto his fading composure, he barely interpreted her words.
Had she mistaken a paladin for something like a priest?
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