A Practical Guide to Ending a One-Sided Love - Chapter 59

Now that she even knew it was him on the other side, she should reveal she was not a priest and leave at once, yet unlike her mind, her body would not move.

What if he thinks I’m strange? How do I explain being here when I’m not a priest? If a serious problem happens, Father will scold me terribly. Amid many anxieties, Leila could not make the right decision.

To make matters worse, perhaps hearing her rustling and sensing someone’s presence, Bjorn suddenly began his confession. Since she had already heard part of his secret, she could no longer leave.

“Before the Lord God who watches over me, I confess my sin. I, a lamb of the Lord, dared to abandon with my own hands the life He permitted me. Thus I beg the Lord’s mercy.”

The moment she heard his confession, Leila’s mind went blank like a sheet of white paper.

He tried to abandon the life the Lord permitted, he said. Did that mean he tried to take his own life? Who? That boy she had watched anxiously all this time?

“Unable to overcome my unworthiness, I turned the blade meant for those wicked heretics upon myself. Only by the Lord’s arrangement did it remain an attempt, therefore I beg His mercy.”

His expression always lacked joy and his hollow eyes had troubled her. Yet she had never imagined that gloom was eating at him enough to lead to such extreme thoughts.

“The Lord made me realize my foolishness, yet I confess the impulse to destroy myself has not disappeared within me. Therefore, I… I earnestly beg the Lord’s mercy.”

With the final confession, a dull sound was heard as if he had knelt on the floor. Along with painful sobbing.

Leila did not know what to do, yet the sorrow she could almost grasp from Bjorn made her feel like crying as well.

“Father, I still cannot accept the reason I was born into this world. Each time I fall asleep at night, instead of gratitude to the Lord, only the thought that I should never have been born governs me.”

Life in the temple since childhood could not have been easy. And the feeling of being abandoned by one’s birth parents was a pain Leila could never understand.

Only seventeen, the same age as her, yet thinking of Bjorn who had lived a far more painful life stirred pity and a protective instinct to embrace him. Her own circumstances were not easy either, but at least she had enough room to reach out a hand to him.

“May someone like me walk the sacred path the Lord has guided. Will the Lord extend salvation even to an unfaithful one like me? I do not know. How can I escape this dreadful emptiness and pain? Please grant me an answer, Father.”

The confession mixed with tears had now almost turned into pleading. The boy who always seemed calm and strong beyond his years had completely collapsed.

Now Leila was placed in an even more difficult situation. Not being a priest yet hearing such intimate words made the problem more serious.

Normally the priest would listen to Bjorn and give comfort along with proper penance. But the moment she spoke, it would be revealed she was not the priest, so Leila could neither do this nor that and only clutched the hem of her skirt.

“Father.”

Perhaps finding the silent priest strange, Bjorn stopped sobbing and asked.

“Is even a single word of advice not permitted to this foolish and unfaithful lamb?”

It was hard to ignore the trembling voice mixed with anguish and sorrow any longer. With guilt, sympathy, and anxiety toward Bjorn, Leila hesitantly searched her clothes with trembling hands.

She absolutely could not speak. The only thing she could do now was hand him a handkerchief to wipe his tears. No other option came to mind.