A Practical Guide to Ending a One-Sided Love - Chapter 60

Carefully hiding her hand, through the small gap in the partition that separated the two spaces, made for passing scripture or prayers, she held out the handkerchief.

She worried whether he would find it strange that the handkerchief was obviously a woman’s, or whether he might immediately open the door and burst in, but at that moment she thought it was the best choice.

She held her breath with a heart ready to burst and waited, yet Bjorn’s silence was long.

It was only when her back had grown damp with cold sweat from tension that Bjorn let out a sigh-like laugh as if he had realized something.

“Lord, if this is Your will…”

Muttering so without knowing what he was thinking, Bjorn seemed somewhat calmer and soon quietly left the confessional.

The situation she thought she could never escape ended all at once. Leila, frozen with her hands tightly clasped, only dashed out of the chapel after she was sure no one was around. As she hurried back toward her family, a bald priest rushed past her, sweating profusely and panting.

* * *

From that day on, Leila’s feelings toward Bjorn took on an even more obsessive tone.

If until then her ‘observation’ had sprung from simple curiosity and goodwill, after hearing all the inner pain he poured out in the confessional her emotions changed into unconditional support and blind sympathy.

His circumstances hurt her as if they were her own. In truth she herself had not been living happy days either, so her empathy grew stronger.

So immersed in his situation, Leila came to believe she could only be happy if he became happy. If he cried she wanted to cry too, and if he could smile then only then would she also be able to smile without worry.

The emotion that grew in the heart of a seventeen-year-old girl was far too heavy and deep to call a first love. Yet it did not torment her.

She only wished his future to be filled with brilliant light. That he would never again cry alone in a dark confessional. That he would never again think such a dreadful thought as ending his own life.

She still could not do much, yet she began searching for some way to help him.

As she was not yet an adult, the money she could use was pitifully small. Leila secretly sold spare books and objects from the estate and donated money for Bjorn every month. Of course, she remained completely anonymous. Even if it was a small amount, it was enough if his standing in the temple improved even a little.

Fortunately, Bjorn seemed to have overcome one crisis in his own way after that. Still though, Leila did not neglect watching him. With persistent eyes she observed whether his expression grew darker or whether signs appeared that inner pain was devouring him.

It was around then that Bjorn noticed her existence as well. Since a crowd of girls who adored him had already formed, Leila could hide among them, and Bjorn paid her no particular attention.

His situation seemed far better after reaching adulthood. After Leila’s coming-of-age ceremony, she increased the amount she donated to the temple, but even without her help, Bjorn had already become something like the temple’s figurehead through his own efforts.

Ladies and noble young women of the capital flocked to see Bjorn whenever he appeared at major services and competed to offer donations. The temple gathered enormous wealth thanks to Bjorn alone.

Wouldn’t receiving people’s attention and the temple’s recognition make him at least a little happier? Yet Leila’s vague expectation did not come true.

Bjorn still acted as if he wished to keep distance from the world with a cold expression. Leila could not figure out how to solve this answerless problem.

What on earth could make you smile? Like a king in a fairytale desperate to make a princess who never laughs smile, Leila became absorbed in thoughts of him.