Chapter 17
III.
It was their first meal together in a full week.
Lately, Beatrice had been avoiding any encounters with Caesar, using one excuse or another. Thanks to the timely onset of her period, she claimed discomfort for a few days, and for the rest, she used fatigue from the long journey as a reason.
During that time, they had continued to use separate bedrooms, and she had made no effort to see her husband’s face in the mornings or evenings.
Just like other noblewomen, she would hear from the study or drawing room that her husband had returned or exchange polite greetings if they ran into each other inside the house, and then retreat to her own space.
As a lord of the borderlands, Caesar was summoned by the Emperor or called to state council meetings nearly every day. Beatrice, for her part, remained tucked away in her quarters, and so the week passed by more quickly than she had expected.
That morning, Beatrice had scheduled a meal with Caesar exactly a week later, just as Regina had suggested. The thought that they wouldn’t share another meal for another week made her feel oddly heavy-hearted.
To say she didn’t waver in the middle would be a lie. But once she had made up her mind and put her plan into action, it felt too awkward to stop now.
At this point, she had no choice but to keep pushing forward until she could confirm Caesar’s true feelings.
If he really did find her bothersome and tiresome, then he would be pleased by her recent distancing behavior.
And if doing this made Caesar feel less burdened in their marriage—if it meant she could stay by his side—then maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing, after all…
It was a rather miserable conclusion, but for now, she couldn’t think of any better option. She wasn’t ready to confront him, argue about his words, or risk creating a rift between them.
‘I still like him too much for that…’
Even if someone called her foolish for feeling that way, there was nothing she could do. What worried her now was that if Caesar welcomed this change in her, would she have to continue living at a distance like this?
Just this past week alone had been hard. She missed him so much she could hardly stand it. If this was what life would be like going forward—always longing, always empty—that thought already made her feel anxious.
If marriage really was a matter of slowly adjusting to one another, then maybe she would have no choice…
‘If only I liked him a little less, this would be easier.’
While she mulled over these foolish thoughts and absentmindedly pushed around her appetizer, Caesar’s voice reached her ears.
“Beatrice.”
Even that voice made her heart flutter, but Beatrice worked hard not to show it.
Her husband, whom she was seeing face-to-face for the first time in a week, looked slightly thinner than before. Was he overwhelmed with work? Was he eating properly? She had so many things she wanted to ask, but she restrained herself.
“Yes, Honey.”
She answered briefly and merely looked at him, prompting Caesar to hesitate, as if he didn’t know what to say.
Normally, their shared meals were filled with conversation. Though Caesar was not a man of many words, when Beatrice, who loved to talk, brought up topics, he always responded and engaged with her sincerely.
But now, since she wasn’t speaking first, only an awkward silence filled the dining room. Inside, she was overflowing with things she wanted to say and ask, but Beatrice held it all in. If she started, she knew she wouldn’t be able to stop herself from chatting endlessly.
Thinking about how someone as reserved as Caesar must have silently endured all her chatter over the past year, her mouth shut of its own accord.
“Since coming to the capital… I feel like we haven’t spent much time together.”
Caesar finally spoke, and Beatrice simply nodded in response. Having tried so hard to behave differently, it seemed her husband was beginning to notice the change. But from his tone, it was hard to tell whether he found the reduced time together regrettable… or welcome.
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