A Way to Confirm Your Husband’s True Feelings - Chapter 65

The faint rustling of the thin nightgown that had yet to be removed, the deepened scent of a woman in the enclosed air, the sweetened breath grown rough from tension—each sensation intensified his arousal, amplified by heightened senses in the darkness.

Even watching his wife’s faintly visible face in the dim room stirred his excitement. Before he could even fully warm her body with the pleasure he was offering, he was on the verge of climaxing first.

Moreover, his unnecessarily large member would surely harm Beatrice’s small frame. The mere thought of forcing such a disproportionately large thing into an opening that struggled even with his fingers doubled his guilt.

Though she urged him, and the act of penetration was somehow completed, even in the pleasure that seared down his spine, he firmly held onto his rationality, resisting the urge to drive himself fully into her body.

Naturally, the unsatisfied body endured the dull ache of residual desire, but even if he had to pleasure himself alone in the bathroom after she slept, he didn’t want to push her beyond her limits.

More than anything, lying with Beatrice brought immense fulfillment to his dried-up heart and mind. That she accepted him as her husband, didn’t reject him, that she welcomed his rough body with her delicate one. That alone was enough to satisfy him.

Marriage to Beatrice felt like he had been completely reborn and was starting a new life. Only then did Caesar realize that overwhelming happiness could also stir fear.

He worried that if he felt any more happiness, he might truly be punished for it. But regardless of his fear, the happiness didn’t end there.

Beatrice showed him, through action, what unconditional affection truly was. He had grown up nourished only by contempt and scorn, never knowing a parent’s love, not even in his earliest memories.

Her constant smiles, kind greetings, unhesitating closeness, and the way she whispered love into his ear whenever she had the chance… He could never grow used to it. Each time, he found himself aching, unsure of the feeling blooming in his chest.

It was a feeling that was both ecstatic and terrifying. It made him yearn endlessly for her while also, paradoxically, wanting to push her away.

The world he’d known demanded a price even for a single, rock-hard loaf of bread. And now, for the first time, he was receiving kindness and affection without cost. It bewildered him.

He had received something so precious without earning it, and yet what could he possibly give in return for Beatrice’s love? It was of such value, he didn’t dare to measure it.

Why is she so good to me? Even amidst doubt and fear, Caesar fell helplessly into her warmth. The love he experienced for the first time in his life was, inevitably, addictive.

‘I never asked for something like this…’

For the first time, he felt gratitude toward a god he had only ever cursed. Thanks to her, the world that had seemed so detestable now looked strangely beautiful.

Whenever his emotions swelled too strongly during life at the estate, Caesar would go to the temple and donate money for no reason. It felt like if he didn’t do at least that, this unexpected fortune might be snatched away at any moment.

For nearly ten months, Caesar had barely been in his right mind. He didn’t know how to handle or process the joy Beatrice gave him—just keeping up with it, swallowing it whole and trying to digest it, left him no time to think about how he might return her love.

He was a commoner, an orphan. He had no way of knowing what a proper husband should be like. What he had seen of romantic relationships were fleeting encounters and affairs between wandering mercenaries, or the crude dynamics of common folk he’d glimpsed now and then.

“I love you, Caesar.”

He wanted, just once, to return that love—to say it, as though receiving her mercy. But whenever he was in front of his wife, the words wouldn’t come.

He feared that if he spoke of love too easily, it would bring misfortune. That offering his dark, selfish love in contrast to her pure one might summon a bolt of lightning from the heavens. He didn’t know why he felt such fear, only that it made him step back.

It was his first real hurdle.