A Way to Confirm Your Husband’s True Feelings - Chapter 79

“Beatrice, what I said that day… it was a slip of the tongue. No—I can explain.”

“That I was a bother. That I was annoying? Yes, I very much wanted to hear your explanation.”

“That’s not what I meant. Of course it must have sounded that way to you, but my words… they had a slightly different meaning. I left out too much. But I swear, I never meant to disparage you or our marriage.”

Visibly flustered, Caesar began to explain himself with a desperate expression. As he rambled on at length, saying things like, “I didn’t mean that you were a bother or that I disliked you. What I meant was that the constant attention surrounding you even after our marriage, how you’re always on my mind, how my nerves are always on edge because of you—that feeling was exhausting,” Beatrice felt the long-clenched knot in her chest dissolve almost pathetically.

Yes. She should have questioned it sooner. Not his words, but his actions. From the beginning to now, Caesar had always been—though a bit clumsy—kind and devoted as a husband.

If only she had asked him honestly instead of hiding and hesitating, this misunderstanding could have been resolved so easily. They had taken such a long way around.

Still, she had her reasons.

“Then… it’s not that you hate me or that you’re sick of me?”

“Absolutely not. That could never happen.”

“But it was hard to be sure. There were many times I didn’t understand your behavior. To be honest… pretending to be cold, suggesting we change things in our relationship, going to Camilla’s party… all of it was because of you. More precisely, I wanted to provoke a reaction from you. Of course, I realize now how childish that was. But at the same time, I was confused. Why didn’t you care what I was doing? Why didn’t you say anything when I acted distant… Why didn’t you ask?”

Caesar held Beatrice’s hand like a lifeline and silently listened to her quiet confession.

“I just waited. I waited like a fool, hoping you’d be the one to come forward and say something first. I was afraid that if I stirred things up myself, I’d ruin everything. If I had just asked you like I’m doing now… it would have been so simple.”

Beatrice took in a deep breath.

“So now I want to ask, Caesar. What are your true feelings? Do you really love me? If you do, then why did you leave me alone like that? Why did you act like a husband who expected nothing from his wife… like someone who had already given up? I want to know.”

And when Beatrice finally asked the question she had long held back, Caesar hesitated. He didn’t know how to express the messy state of his heart, but since she had reached out to him first, it was time for him to take a step forward.

“Beatrice, I… was afraid. A man like me, with no right, somehow ended up with a wife far beyond what I deserved. And when that wife said she loved me… before I could feel happy, I was overwhelmed with fear.”

Beatrice looked quietly at Caesar as he slowly opened up. Now it was her turn to listen to her husband’s heart. She didn’t want to miss a single word of the sincerity he revealed for the first time.

“So I made up my mind, I shouldn’t be greedy. What I already had was more than enough. I wouldn’t ask for more. Instead, I tried to be a husband who wouldn’t be a burden to your eyes. I thought that way, someone as generous as you wouldn’t throw me away.”

In a calm, sunken voice, Caesar began pouring out everything he had buried. That he had never received love before, so he didn’t know how to return it. That he had never known happiness, so he feared the moment he acknowledged it, it would disappear.

“There were so many things I wanted to ask you not to do. I… I was jealous even of a single flower you looked at. Of a single envelope you picked up. Everything that came between us irritated me. Rumors, other men’s glances, the world’s attention on you… if I could, I would have restricted and controlled your every move. But I knew you’d hate that. So I made a conscious effort to restrain myself.”

The truth her husband finally laid bare was heavier than she had imagined… but it wasn’t unpleasant. Without realizing it, Beatrice’s hand, which held his, tightened. She wanted to give him courage.

“When I said it was fine no matter what you wanted… that was an empty lie. Every time I saw you changing after we came to the capital, I felt like I would go mad from fear. But I didn’t dare stop you. I was afraid that if I did… you’d come to hate me even more.”

So even as she slipped through his fingers like water held in the palm of his hand, he had done nothing, paralyzed by fear.

He confessed bitterly, like a fool tied down, unable to do anything.

“Even as I watched your heart drift away from me, I didn’t know what to do to bring it back.”

His deep violet eyes, which had been staring down at their joined hands, slowly rose to meet Beatrice’s gaze.

“If someone as foolish and pathetic as me still has a chance… if you’ll allow it…”

At last, the words that had been so simple for her and so difficult for him flowed from his lips.

“I love you, Beatrice. And I want to love you forever and all of eternity.”