Chapter 230
“Uh, um, why….”
I was so confused that I couldn’t even speak properly.
Now that I thought about it, the clothes I expected him to strip off me were still fully on, and he persistently remained in his long-sleeved shirt and long pants, with barely any skin showing except for his neck and hands.
It wasn’t because he wanted to undress me himself or take the lead in bed.
He was clearly uncomfortable with the very act of touching me.
“…….”
Really…?
In that brief moment, a myriad of thoughts raced through my mind.
What is this? Since he hadn’t received any guiding for a long time, shouldn’t he be more desperate to cling to me? Why was he avoiding me instead?
We had mixed our bodies plenty before, so why was he now acting like this?
Did something happen during the expedition that made him like this? Did his severe mysophobia extend to me, making him feel disgusted?
While I was lost in shock, he suddenly grabbed my arm.
“……”
“You’re misunderstanding again.”
“……”
“No matter what you’re imagining right now, it’s not that.”
He said firmly, looking into my eyes.
But I couldn’t believe him. Even as he spoke, he was holding me through my clothes.
“What misunderstanding…? Lord Claude, you’re avoiding my touch right now.”
“……”
“Why? Is it too overwhelming and unpleasant because I’m being too forward?”
“What?”
His expression twisted immediately. It was as if he couldn’t believe the nonsense I was saying.
Regardless, I started to get angry too. My pride was hurt.
“Do you prefer being shy and avoiding, and pushing away? Do you hate it when I become desperate and throw myself at you?”
Tears welled up in my eyes, and they felt hot.
Despite being so meticulous, he came to see me without even brushing off the dirt he was covered in, just to see me a moment sooner.
He should be holding me affectionately, but instead, he was treating me like a stranger, avoiding and rejecting me…
Claude inhaled sharply, looking down at me.
The next moment, he quickly pulled me into his arms, holding my chin to lift it.
Looking into my gloomy eyes, he whispered firmly.
“No matter what you do, there’s no way I could ever dislike you. Don’t you know that by now?”
“Then why do you keep pushing me away…?”
He sighed and finally spoke.
“Rose, you don’t seem to realize it, but right now you’re…”
I’m…?
Looking up at him with teary eyes, Claude stopped mid-sentence.
…This is driving me crazy. As he muttered, he raised one hand to cover his face.
Through his long fingers, I could see his mouth twitching as he tried to stifle a smirk.
I felt utterly wronged.
What is it, really… Why are you laughing alone instead of with me…
“No, I… I can’t even think straight right now.”
He eventually changed his words slightly to conclude.
“So why…”
“I’m afraid I might do something to you right now.”
His words left me a bit bewildered.
“…But I… I’ve been waiting for you to do something to me all this time, Lord Claude…”
Could I have been more explicit?
But he shook his head firmly. And then he said…
“I’m serious, I might just… burst you open.”
“?”
“Meeting after such a long time has already made me tense, but seeing you act so cute, I just can’t control myself.”
“……”
What is he even saying…
Even though I looked up at him skeptically, Claude continued, unaffected. He seemed to think he was being very serious.
I thought over his words carefully and then asked him.
“Um, so, pushing me away and avoiding me wasn’t because you dislike me?”
“Is that even a question?”
Claude gave a hollow laugh, as if he couldn’t believe I’d misunderstand so badly when he was struggling to hold himself back.
“So to sum it up, you want me just as much as I want you, but you’re worried that you might lose control and hurt me?”
“…Yes.”
So, he pleaded with me to be careful until he could adjust.
…Seriously, what kind of nonsense is this?
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