Campus Log - Chapter 13

Ryu Eun-seok was curious about a life as distant from his own as the gaps between women and men, the Baby Boomer generation and Gen MZ, or liberal democracy and communism.

“For group assignments, other students come to me first. They want good grades too. I’ve never been to MTs or opening ceremonies. Clubs seem bothersome, so I didn’t join.”

I responded kindly with a slightly more generous attitude. But Ryu Eun-seok still seemed puzzled, tilting his head.

“What about meals? Do you eat alone in the cafeteria?”

He’d been asking obvious questions from the start, but I nodded without showing any irritation. Ryu Eun-seok’s expression grew even more sullen, his damp eyelashes still clinging together.

“How do you do it?”

“You’ve eaten alone in the dorm cafeteria before, haven’t you?”

I’d seen Ryu Eun-seok eating toast alone in a corner of the dorm cafeteria. If he could do it there, why not somewhere else?

“At the dorm, most people eat alone anyway, so it’s fine. But in the student cafeteria, if I’m eating alone and a bunch of other students crowd around the table next to me, it feels pathetic, you know?”

“Why are you making me the pathetic one?”

I was so dumbfounded my mouth hung open. Here I was, trying to respond kindly, and what I got in return was a self-pitying remark that dragged me down with him.

“No, I mean—that’s not it, sorry.”

Stammering, Ryu Eun-seok quickly apologized. Since he was the one who needed to peek into the life of an outsider, the one at a disadvantage wasn’t me—it was him.

“Hey, then…”

Ryu Eun-seok’s damp eyelashes drooped downward.

“Can you eat with me tomorrow?”

He glanced at my expression, then immediately lowered his gaze. The way he was gauging my reaction reminded me of a puppy showing the whites of its eyes after making a mistake on the blanket.

So you won’t eat with your friends now?

“Knowing how they think of me, how could the food go down?”

Ryu Eun-seok grumbled, now tearing the tissue he’d been crumpling into tiny pieces. His voice was fairly composed, but an unbearable restlessness seeped from his fingertips.

Explaining that it was a false rumor and laughing along with the friends who had torn into him like squid, or boldly standing alone, having cast aside those who looked down on him just because money was tight—Ryu Eun-seok had chosen the latter.

Of course, the latter would also be more convenient for saving money, given his family’s financial difficulties.

“I’m trying to ignore them, like you said. But eating alone is the most daunting part. Just thinking about tearing into a piece of bread alone in the lecture hall makes me feel like crying again.”

The man actually sniffled. Seeing him pitifully whine like that made me feel a bit sorry for his perfectly fine face.

“I know I’m being really pathetic right now. And I know we’re not close enough for me to ask this kind of favor.”

“Yeah, you do know. I’m not going to grant your request.”

The cold refusal slapped Ryu Eun-seok across the face. The color drained from his complexion.

“Why? Why won’t you?”

Judging by the man’s attitude, he seemed to have had very little experience being rejected when making a request with that face of his. People around him probably stepped up without him even having to ask, saying they’d help.

“It’s bothersome.”

I answered indifferently. Eating alone while looking at Banda photos was my only joy, and I didn’t want that time disrupted by someone I wasn’t even close to.

“What’s with you having so many things that are bothersome?”

Ryu Eun-seok pouted sulkily. Even after hearing words rude enough, he lingered beside me instead of leaving.

I’d done enough. I turned on my laptop, which had gone into sleep mode, and outlined my report. What is corporate ethics? The importance of corporate ethics. First case study…

“Then just walk to the cafeteria with me.”

Ryu Eun-seok was as stubborn as a leech.

“I’ll sit apart from you. Just eat somewhere near me, that’s all.”

I openly sighed and looked back at Ryu Eun-seok. Even with a deflated voice, he firmly pressed his case.

“It’s just… I need a little courage. The courage to eat alone without feeling anything, like you do.”

To call eating alone a grand act requiring courage… But for Ryu Eun-seok, it probably felt as daunting as being suddenly told to climb Mount Everest bare-handed.

Even if he didn’t want it, people had always swarmed around him, so a single rumor might make him feel abruptly cut off from the world. His situation was completely different from mine—I withdrew to the corner by choice because I preferred being alone from the start.

“Three seats apart.”

I held up three fingers to Ryu Eun-seok.

“Huh?”

“Seat three spaces away.”

Ryu Eun-seok nodded eagerly. The smile that spread across his face, which had been gloomy with worries about tomorrow, was radiant. Seeing him look so relieved over something so trivial, I almost let out a click of my tongue.

“Got it. I won’t bother your meal at all.”

Ryu Eun-seok only got up lightly after taking my contact information. I watched him walk out of the study room with noticeably lighter steps before turning my gaze back to my laptop.

The realization that I’d been too generous with my sympathy arrived a bit too late.