Campus Log - Chapter 42

“Ah, well, as the class representative, if something urgent comes up—”

“Then you can ask the department office for her contact information when that happens.”

The excuse Song Hyuk-jun came up with was flimsy, but Ryu Eun-seok’s detailed rebuttals were excessive as well. It wasn’t like he was some celebrity manager blocking a sasaeng fan.

“Hey, what’s wrong with you?”

I lightly smacked Ryu Eun-seok’s firm forearm to stop him. With no trace of a smile as he pressed on, the juniors’ faces were turning as sour as if they’d bitten into unripe persimmons.

Even though it wasn’t his business, Ryu Eun-seok was deliberately putting himself in a position to be talked about behind his back.

“Give me the phone.”

My shoulder subtly nudged against his arm. He reluctantly stepped aside and gave me space. He probably knew he had gone too far just now.

After calling my number from Song Hyuk-jun’s phone and handing it back, the class representative, as if he’d been waiting for the moment, tugged on Lee Dong-ha’s backpack strap.

“I’ll see you again sometime.”

“Have a good class, sunbae.”

After Song Hyuk-jun and Lee Dong-ha bowed politely and left, I let out a breath and headed down to the second floor. Even though he wasn’t taking the same class, Ryu Eun-seok trailed behind me. I could clearly sense him following half a step behind.

I didn’t ask why he was following me, nor did I tell him to go his own way. At least for now, I didn’t want to pay Ryu Eun-seok any attention. My head felt like it was about to burst from being bothered by people out of nowhere.

“Let’s eat lunch together later.”

Just before I stepped into Lecture Room 211, his low voice settled over the crown of my head. Before I could even turn around, another word followed.

“I’ll wait.”

By the time I looked back, he had already turned away and was striding down the corridor. Each time he took a step, stray glances naturally clung to his striking good looks.

Who decided we were eating together? A disgruntled thought poked up, but I didn’t bother sending him a message to refuse.

Even texting him and exchanging more words like that felt bothersome. I could just sit apart like last time and eat. If someone like Yang Soo-bin looked down at Ryu Eun-seok eating alone again today, I would stay out of it and pretend not to notice.

Suddenly, I remembered the way he had fiddled with the panda key ring he’d given me. Instead of going into the lecture hall, I stared intently at the black backpack growing farther away.

It was a relief I hadn’t impulsively suggested giving him the key ring I bought earlier. Setting aside the embarrassment of us carrying identical key rings, I didn’t want to graft my tastes onto someone else like that.

That was a very, very dangerous thing to do.

The act of sharing the things I love in daily life with others. That also meant letting someone inside my boundaries. Then before you know it, you’re spending time together, building memories, and maybe even digging into each other’s inner thoughts.

In that sense, I needed to stop chattering about pandas to Ryu Eun-seok. I got so excited and babbled thoughtlessly because of his encouraging responses, but what if later he makes new friends to hang out with and I’m left feeling bored?

Honestly… if it was just feeling bored, that would be fine. If I felt emptiness or hollowness, that would be the real problem.

Being alone from the start is okay. Choosing to be alone voluntarily doesn’t bother me either.

But if you were together with someone and then got left alone, you might find yourself chewing over a word you never knew existed—loneliness.

‘You’re just friends, right?’

The question Joo Seung-jae’s friend asked this morning kept tapping at the back of my mind.

The fact that he asked that meant we didn’t just look like ordinary friends.

There were probably multiple reasons: the fact that we’d originally been so distant I couldn’t even recall his name, the fundamental difference in gender, and how Ryu Eun-seek excessively interfered in my affairs while I allowed it to some extent.

I forcibly suppressed the arrows of suspicion floating up in my mind.

Ryu Eun-seok had decided to stand alone, but for now, he still needed someone to lean on. Didn’t he say it himself? That being cared for is better than being used.

‘You don’t see me as a keychain.’

With his family in financial trouble, the guys he thought were his friends ignoring him, his head a mess, and his heart exhausted, I came into his view. Someone who seemed similar to his situation.

The reason Ryu Eun-seok leaned on me was nothing special.

It was a kind of proof that it’s possible to get along well alone. An indicator that could boost Ryu Eun-seok’s confidence.

That’s why it bothered him when Joo Seung-jae bought me a drink or when Lee Dong-ha recognized and greeted me. If I became close with someone and started hanging out with them, the sample he was observing would disappear.

I shook my head inwardly and went to sit in my usual front-row seat. While preparing for the lecture, I ruthlessly drove out the word ‘what if’ that occupied my mind.

Though I could easily tell whether others liked me or not, I deliberately minimized and ignored the signals Ryu Eun-seok was sending with his whole body.

Not to mention the insufficient evidence to be certain—what really worried me was the possibility that it was all just my imagination.

was the biggest reason.

I didn’t want to give even a small corner of myself to a man who might move on anytime he found new friends.

I didn’t want to get used to the chatroom with Ryu Eun-seok that always occupied the top spot on my messenger, nor the follow request that still stubbornly remained, nor the pointless small talk with him in the dorm study room.

Being alone was comfortable for me.

It had to be.