Campus Log - Chapter 59

At Joo Seung-jae’s unprecedented offer, the focus in my eyes sharpened. I withdrew my gaze from the direction Ryu Eun-seok had disappeared and turned to look at the senior.

“Look whenever you want.”

Since I wouldn’t accept it, he said he’d just make it public to everyone. There was no longer any reason to refuse.

“Thank you.”

I ended the conversation with a polite greeting. The sudden gloom pressing down on my crown left me with no energy to manage my expression.

My noticeably weakened footsteps trudged out of the business building. Right after class ended, I had been hungry, but within minutes my stomach churned as if I had ridden a bumpy boat, and my appetite completely vanished. My face reflected in the glass door of the business building looked pale as well.

My emotions were stirred enough that my body was reacting this way.

My mood had always maintained a certain steady line.

I rarely laughed hard because of someone, but equally, there were extremely few times I got upset or annoyed due to others. If something sad happened, I could confide in my mom, who kept no secrets from me, and if that still didn’t work, I could just cry it out under the acacia tree and let it go.

I believed I held the reins to my own emotions. But not now. My heart, which had been uneventful and peaceful, hit rock bottom in an instant.

Because of Ryu Eun-seok and Yang Subin, whom I had just witnessed.

They were only arguing with each other. It had nothing to do with me. What’s more, I didn’t even know why they were fighting…

…so there was absolutely no reason for my insides to be churned up like this.

Yet here I was, pushing myself into the mud and willingly drenching myself in filthy water.

As I walked up the path toward the dormitory, I looked down at the back of the business building. I could see the wisteria bench covered in pale purple flowers, and the shapes of two people sitting beneath it faintly revealed.

I quickly turned my head and faced forward, but the lingering afterimage blurred my vision.

This is probably what it would feel like to get a report card full of C’s. A suffocating sigh wouldn’t leave but just accumulated in my mouth.

I know my feelings are hurt right now. But I don’t want to admit the reason.

Just because Ryu Eun-seok celebrated my birthday, I thought he and I had become a little more special. Just because I complained that it was hard for me to get through school alone, I absurdly felt a sense of kinship with him.

But I’m not the only woman who thought that way. Just as he had shown me various kindnesses, Ryu Eun-seok was probably right now gently soothing Yang Subin, who was feeling upset. That was the kindness he possessed.

I had inwardly mocked the girls who sent boxes of snacks and cosmetics to the soldier Ryu Eun-seok, but if this is how it is, how was I any different? I thought I knew that guy better than Kwon Ga-ram or Yang Subin, but in reality, everyone was thinking the same thing.

I, too, had made the mistake of falling into the illusion that I alone was different.

I hated myself for being so foolish.

At some point, Ryu Eun-seok had naturally slipped into my routine of heading to the cafeteria around 6:45 PM after studying in the study room. Without needing to say anything, it became natural to go to dinner with him using just eye contact.

Today, he was also sitting across from me, starting his meal. As usual, I played a panda live stream, but I couldn’t focus on their cuteness and mechanically swallowed my food.

Ryu Eun-seok also ate in silence, having lost his usual words. I knew the reason was because of the quarrel in front of the business building earlier that day.

Even I, who had merely been a distant onlooker, was still suffering from its aftermath, so how much more must Ryu Eun-seok, the person directly involved, be suffering? Yet even as I reasoned that rationally, realizing that someone named Yang Subin was having an effect on him made my shoulders lose their strength.

I don’t even know why I’m being this fussy. I want to stop thinking. It’s not even my business.

Today’s dessert was misutgaru (Korean grain powder drink). I returned my tray and filled a paper cup with the thick beverage.

Ryu Eun-seok, seeming to have nothing particular on his mind, waited for me and then walked alongside me.

“Aren’t you going to ask?”

Just before opening the study room door, Ryu Eun-seok spoke for the first time this evening. I immediately understood what his abrupt question meant, but annoyingly, I looked up with an innocent expression.

“About what?”

“You saw it today. Yang Subin yelling at me.”