Campus Log - Chapter 60

But Ryu Eun-seok, with no intention of beating around the bush, broke through my defensive wall with a piercing, straightforward remark.

“Don’t you have anything to ask?”

I hadn’t expected him to question me so directly like this, so my face clearly showed my bewilderment. I drank my misutgaru and subtly covered my mouth. I didn’t want to reveal the feelings that had been churning inside me since that afternoon.

“That’s between the two of you. Why would I ask about something like that?”

My voice came out quite calmly. Indifferent enough, but not too cold—just the right degree.

Until I heard Ryu Eun-seok’s response, I thought my reaction was appropriate.

“I’ve been in a bad mood all day because of that, and you’re not curious? You don’t care at all?”

Between his sentences, Ryu Eun-seok let out short, rough breaths. Only then did I realize I had misjudged.

“You don’t even feel like cursing out Yang Subin with me and taking my side?”

Ryu Eun-seok was much angrier than he appeared on the surface. First, because of Yang Subin, who had embarrassed him in front of people. And second, because of me, who wasn’t showing him any concern, let alone comfort.

“What did you fight about?”

I brought up a question that was long overdue. A weak sigh escaped through Ryu Eun-seok’s lips.

“This isn’t exactly a situation where I should be begging for concern.”

Ryu Eun-seok let out a self-mocking complaint.

But he doesn’t know. That I’m trying hard, in my own way. That I’m breaking my principle of not getting involved in other people’s affairs and keeping myself constantly on edge about his feelings.

“Fine. Like you said, it’s between her and me.”

At that moment, I was definitely hurt. Because my efforts were coldly dismissed, because there was no warmth to be found in the eyes looking down at me, and because Ryu Eun-seok had ruthlessly pushed me outside the boundaries he had set.

“You’re busy studying, so sorry for annoying you.”

Ryu Eun-seok apologized in a tone that didn’t sound sorry at all. He took his eyes off me and opened the study room door for me. That was both a kindness ingrained in him and a sign that he didn’t want to be in the same space as me.

I stepped inside, and the door closed silently. Ryu Eun-seok did not come into the study room.

On my way back to my seat, my heart kept stinging. Everything in my field of vision became blurry, as if I had taken off my glasses. Even as I quietly sat down, opened my notebook, and turned on my tablet, it felt unreal, like I was moving someone else’s body.

The sweet misutgaru sat abandoned on a corner of the desk. As the ice melted, the damp paper cup slowly crumpled. Just like my heart.

***

Every empty classroom without a class was filled with students. The swarm of grasshoppers wandering around looking for a place to study had settled in. Rather than going all the way to the central library, where there were no seats left, only to come back empty-handed, it was better to move between classrooms as needed.

I, too, was one of those grasshoppers pursuing maximum efficiency, so I entered an empty classroom on the third floor of the business building, intending to hold out for two hours.

“Senior!”

As I looked around for where to sit, my eyes met Lee Dong-ha’s. The junior, raising his hand, waved it cheerfully from side to side. It was very rare for anyone to acknowledge me like this, so against my will, I hesitantly made my way over.

“Sit here.”

Lee Dong-ha hurriedly moved his bag and made space. Since it was a corner spot that brought peace to mind and body, I didn’t refuse and sat right down.

“Where do you study, senior? I never see you at the central library.”

“At the dormitory study room.”

“Ah.”

Lee Dong-ha’s nodding face looked sullen.

“Is it fun living in the dorm? I want to live in the dorm too.”

How could he say something so childish? It was a carefree lament he could afford because he had never experienced the lack of privacy in a two-person room or the inconvenience of packing and unpacking every semester.

“Is your home in Seoul?”

“Yes. I live in Gangnam.”

Even subtly bragging about the neighborhood he lives in. I could see right through Lee Dong-ha’s game.

“Be good to your parents.”

I struck with a lecturing remark and then continued with my summary. Lee Dong-ha seemed to want to talk more, but he only glanced furtively at my busy pen.

I no longer heard any whispering voices, but through the wide-open door came the sound of laughter. Several students who had been concentrating on their studies frowned and looked toward the entrance of the classroom.

Ryu Eun-seok, with a bag slung over one shoulder, entered first, followed by Kwon Ga-ram, who was stuck close behind him.

“Oppa, so you’ve solved all the financial accounting example problems? What’s this? Why are you suddenly studying so hard?”

It seemed Ryu Eun-seok had also come looking for a place to study during the free time until his next class. His gaze, which had been roaming the classroom, soon reached me. His eyes, completely devoid of any smile, quickly shifted toward Lee Dong-ha.

I hesitated for a moment. Should I say hello? Or just pretend not to see him? Since the way we parted yesterday was the last interaction, it was awkward even to look him straight in the eye.