Campus Log - Chapter 81

I had often envied the man born with handsome features from every angle. I wondered how easy life must be for him, but honestly, now other feelings were stronger.

For instance… a desire to see that face often, every day if possible.

Before I knew it, I was superimposing Ryu Eun-seok and myself onto the couple in the movie. Who would play the optimistic boyfriend trying to face the situation? Would Ryu Eun-seok end up like the girlfriend, consumed by depression and searching for traces of people?

Then, realizing I had assumed we were lovers, I was shocked. Here I was, visiting someone’s house for the first time in a while, lost in an absurd fantasy. Snap out of it, Hong Sang-hee. I repeated the lashing to myself.

As the movie reached its midpoint, I must have dozed off for a moment. The reason I suddenly woke up was a hard sensation touching my cheek. The moist scent of grass was brushing the tip of my nose from far too close.

Without realizing it, I moved my lips. A soft fabric brushed against my skin. It wasn’t a comfortable feeling, yet I wanted to bury my face in it and rub. My mind was foggy, so I couldn’t be sure if I actually followed through.

Just then, the thing I was leaning on jolted heavily.

Through my fluttering eyelids, I saw the movie screen, tilted. It took a few seconds to realize that the TV wasn’t crooked—my head was turned to the side.

As soon as I sat up in horror, my eyes met Ryu Eun-seok’s. His posture was twisted from lending me his shoulder.

…I’m screwed.

First I had those absurd delusions about him, and now I had finally caused an accident. And I had chosen the worst possible method—getting physical. He must have experienced countless such tricks before; how pathetic must I have looked to him?

“Sorry.”

My voice was so small it seemed to crawl under the sofa. Meanwhile, my heart pounded as if it would leap out of my ribcage.

“I made you lean on me. You looked tired.”

Ryu Eun-seok explained on my behalf, but I wasn’t reassured. It was contact that wouldn’t have happened in the first place if I had kept a firm grip on myself. Having exposed my true feelings while weakened by exhaustion was just too embarrassing.

“Do you want to just sleep for a bit? I’ll lay out a blanket.”

Ryu Eun-seok was offering every consideration he could as a host. Setting aside that we weren’t close enough for me to feel comfortable lazing around in his house, I was more worried about myself—that I might end up burying my face in his blanket and taking a deep breath.

“No, I’m fine. I’m fully awake.”

I waved both hands and shook my head.

“You always say you’re fine. You never just accept anything.”

Ryu Eun-seok pouted and grumbled. Seemingly displeased with my constant boundary-drawing, he stopped talking.

When a scene came on where the girlfriend, suffering from severe depression, drowns herself, the silence grew even heavier thicker. Would it have been better to watch a noisy movie where buildings get smashed?

As the ending arrived, with the male protagonist deciding to live alone, the torrential rain outside the window also stopped and grew quiet. As if mocking us who had been drenched, faint rays of light even began to seep into the bedroom.

By now, the clothes and sneakers would all be dry. I had no good excuse to linger any longer. Yet my bottom didn’t lift from the seat.

After the movie ended, the dark TV screen reflected me, nervously clasping my hands, and Ryu Eun-seok, sitting like a stone statue. The man, his lips pressed into a straight line, seemed to have no intention of breaking the silence.

I calmly chose my words. The kimchi fried rice was delicious, thank you for lending me clothes, thanks to you I rested comfortably, and I should say let’s meet at the shelter next time. I would add that I’d buy him a meal then.

I silently cleared my throat and turned to look beside me. My eyes immediately locked with Ryu Eun-seok’s, who had already been looking at me.

Our lips opened at the same time.

“We—”

“Can’t you stay longer?”

In that instant, I forgot what I was going to say. I missed the timing and just fluttered my eyelashes, and in the meantime, Ryu Eun-seok’s lips closed sullenly.

“…Huh? Why?”