Campus Log - Chapter 84

Ryu Eun-seok now turned his entire body toward me. The arm that had come over the backrest, as if wrapping around my shoulder, returned to its place. His handsome face was covered in red. He must have been really angry.

“I told you that senior is a pro at that kind of flirting.”

Because I was hugging the cushion, I had to listen to his impassioned speech in a respectful posture. My head drooped lower and lower.

“And yet you ask me if I flirt with girls like this? You just don’t know the male ecosystem. Someone like me is a proper gentleman, seriously. I’m so upset I could go crazy and jump out of my skin, seriously.”

He was so angry that the word “seriously” popped out several times. The face that always wore a cheerful smile was now full of resentment, and I couldn’t get used to it. Without meeting his eyes properly, I mumbled an apology.

“Okay, I’m sorry.”

“Then don’t misunderstand from now on.”

His low, lowered voice reached my forehead.

“Because I only do this to you.”

This time, I was speechless for a different reason. I kept looking down at the cushion, chewing on Ryu Eun-seok’s words.

He only does this to me. He doesn’t touch other girls like this.

I had already dipped my feet into the mud of misunderstanding, and now it was about to reach the top of my head. Without even thinking about getting out, I used Ryu Eun-seok’s words and actions as nourishment and settled right in.

Was it okay for me to think this way on my own? But Ryu Eun-seok had provided the cause first. A fierce debate raged in my head over whether I was allowed to take this bait.

After watching the panda video for about an hour, Ryu Eun-seok brought me my completely dry clothes. As I changed alone in his dressing room, the soft rustle of fabric made me feel as if I had done something wrong.

The bare skin under the T-shirt with nothing on underneath, the unfamiliar feel of new underwear—it all felt like traces of secretly playing a lewd game in a house where the adults were away.

In reality, all I had done with Ryu Eun-seok was eat and watch a movie. Well, and have some peculiar conversations.

My sneakers were also fluffy and like new. The smell I had worried about was completely gone, leaving only a faint warmth from the drying.

When I opened the front door, a landscape I hadn’t seen before came into view. Gray clouds hung low, and beneath them, a lawn so green it hurt the eyes spread out like a grand sports field. Pine trees meticulously planted here and there, and a pond with clean, trickling water—everywhere showed signs of careful tending.

As soon as I stepped outside the front door, Ryu Eun-seok’s large hand wrapped around my wrist.

“The path is slippery.”

As Ryu Eun-seok said, moisture remained on the marble stairs. But it wasn’t dangerous enough to need to lean on someone. He could have just told me to be careful, but he held onto me firmly, as if looking after a child.

Even when we went down the stairs and crossed the stone path laid over the lawn, Ryu Eun-seok’s hand didn’t let go. Instead, he came down and held my hand tightly.

Not my elbow, not my wrist, but my hand—he held it firmly, trapping it inside his own.

I looked up at the man walking half a step ahead of me. Taking in his neatly trimmed back hair and pale nape, my gaze traveled down his broad shoulders, his muscular forearms, his knobby-knuckled hand. My own hand, trapped inside his, felt as awkward as if it belonged to someone else.

What felt even stranger was myself—not even thinking about pulling my captured hand away.

*Because I only do this to you.* I was still taking out Ryu Eun-seok’s words and examining them from every angle.

Was I allowed to consider this hand-holding as also falling under “only doing this to you”? I kept ruminating on a question whose answer was already decided.

Only when we reached the gate and Ryu Eun-seok opened the passenger door for me did I finally get released from his grip. I had thoroughly scrutinized the man’s back, but I couldn’t bring myself to look at his handsome face.

Paying attention to every single breath, I got into the car. And while Ryu Eun-seok walked around the car, I hurriedly fastened my seatbelt.

My right hand, which he had held, was still numb and warm. I opened and closed my hand, but the feeling left by the man’s grip didn’t fade easily.

Just before Ryu Eun-seok opened the driver’s door, I subtly brought my hair to my nose. The familiar scent that made my heart race brushed past me.

While staying in his bedroom, the scent of wet grass had transferred to me as well.

***

After that day, Ryu Eun-seok contacted me constantly. His name always occupied the top of my chat list, and if I looked away for even a moment, the red notification numbers would increase, urging me to answer.

What was different from during the semester was that he didn’t just send messages—he also called me.

Each time, I had to quietly close my door while keeping an eye on my parents in the living room. Ryu Eun-seok would chatter on the phone about even the most trivial matters, and I would listen intently, then painstakingly choose my answers after intense deliberation in my head.

Those conversations grew from 3 to 5 minutes, and then rapidly to 20 minutes.

At the end of each day, when I lay down in bed, I would stare at the dark ceiling and steep Ryu Eun-seok’s words from the day like tea leaves. Tea might become diluted, but this only made me twitch the corners of my mouth more each time I replayed it. Then I would quickly pull the blanket over my head and hide my face.

Our next appointment was to meet at the stray dog shelter in two weeks, but Ryu Eun-seok drove his car to Cheongju every other day.

Sometimes we met at a cafe and studied with our books open together; other times we met late at night in front of a convenience store, shared an ice cream, and then parted ways.

What was clear was that I looked forward to these meetings every single day.

Even after we parted, I never felt drained enough to collapse into bed. I didn’t even notice myself getting tired from going out day after day. I lived with my phone in my hand all day, and whenever Ryu Eun-seok’s name appeared on the screen, my face would soften just as it did when I looked at pandas.

I knew that a relationship like mine and Ryu Eun-seok’s wasn’t called ordinary friendship.