Don’t Be Holy! - Chapter 136

“I want to claim a sinner for myself.”

“You feel guilty not for having wanted to possess this sinner, but you have come because you still wish to obtain this sinner.”

“That is correct.”

“Where is this sinner now?”

“At my house.”

The proxy let out a short breath with a “hmph” and straightened up from leaning toward Rubel.

“Then what is your purpose in coming to me?”

It meant, if you’ve already done everything as you pleased, why bother coming to me? Rubel held his breath as he carefully observed the anger and disappointment etched on the proxy’s face. The proxy, seeming to realize something, contorted his face where the passage of years was vividly present and said:

“Could it be that you need my permission?”

It was a statement with hidden meaning: “How dare you.”

If one chooses to privately embrace a sinner, one should become a sinner and leave, not dare to use the proxy’s permission as a footstool to live righteously here.

Rubel well understood why the proxy was angry. He also knew that his actions might appear arrogant from a certain perspective.

Confessing sins and seeking forgiveness could sometimes be seen as weakness—an inability to bear sin even for a moment. But Rubel wasn’t afraid of living as a sinner.

He had already decided that when he followed the woman off the cliff. But for Eir, who was a witch, the situation was different. While Rubel could live as a sinner, Eir, without the proxy’s permission, was nothing more than prey.

Others would make a fuss about capturing Eir the witch, and Rubel wasn’t holy enough to tolerate that sight.

Rubel bowed his head and barely exhaled, feeling God’s power pressing down on him oppressively. His arms, braced against the floor, trembled with the force he was exerting.

He barely opened his mouth and said:

“I intend to do everything I can.”

“……”

“Through the purity rite, I will confirm how great my sin is and receive punishment. If that’s not enough, I will risk my life again to catch witches.”

“How foolish. What is the reason for going to such lengths? Is private possessiveness so important to you? You are God’s lion. The reason God gave you divine power, the reason you’ve wielded your sword all this time, wasn’t to accumulate rewards to take what you want from me, but to fulfill God’s will itself. Don’t you understand that?”

The proxy admonished him as if perplexed.

Of course, not just Rubel but many clergy committed sins, and being a sword-bearing messenger of God didn’t make them different—this was something the proxy had observed many times during his long life as a proxy. They were more patient than others, had deep faith, and rose to their positions through God’s love, but because they directly took lives, they were easily shaken and often had moments of weakness.

But not all of them were as stubborn as Rubel. Those who became sinners begged to be allowed to flee and live, but nowhere was there someone who would bear the sin of another sinner.

Rubel remained silent in response to the proxy’s urging to speak. He had no idea how to convey his feelings.

He couldn’t possibly make the foolish statement that emotions aren’t so easily controlled.

Rubel actually thought that God had sent Eir to him, and he even considered that jumping into this trap might be his duty, but he knew that saying this would obviously upset the proxy.

In any case, one thing was certain: Rubel had never felt such intense emotions anywhere else, and he was prepared to give anything for it.

This resolve of Rubel’s was so evident even as he remained silent and prostrate that the proxy sighed and said:

“It will be painful. Because you’re taking on the sin of one who betrayed God.”

“I’m prepared for that.”

“It doesn’t end with receiving punishment. Unless the sinner deeply repents for having escaped, the atonement will not end. Are you really alright with that?”

Rubel nodded without hesitation. Anyway, permission to undergo the purity rite was right in front of him. However, Rubel was so focused on that that he didn’t pay much attention to the proxy’s mention of the sin of the sinner having escaped.

That he dismissed it so carelessly.

That was one of the things Rubel regretted most in that moment.