Don’t Be Holy! - Chapter 190

But could that be called merely petty and mean?

Could someone like him be called a person who serves God?

Rubel recalled his conversation with the Proxy. The Proxy had said that when such a person desires something more desperately than God, the end becomes truly miserable. And that the path into that mire is created not by God, but by oneself.

‘I already feel miserable and mired in filth.’

Could there be an even more terrible catastrophe than this?

“Don’t you resent me?”

At Rubel’s question, Eir answered immediately as if he were stating the obvious.

“I do. You bit me!”

“And before that?”

But to this question, Eir couldn’t answer as readily as before. Her furrowed brows revealed her displeasure, but her lips still hesitated.

Rubel waited calmly with patience. Only after some time had passed did Eir finally begin to tell her story.

“I missed you too. I was scared and it was hard. But I couldn’t just wait for you, could I? I knew your situation all too well. So I was just too busy moving around to think about anything else.”

She had only wanted to explain her situation, but as she spoke, it sounded like she was blaming Rubel for being imprisoned. Eir hastily added, as if to clarify that wasn’t her intention:

“I mean, I know you couldn’t help it either.”

Listening to her words, Rubel realized the answer to his earlier thought.

The reason things could become an even greater mire and catastrophe.

It was when his heart and hers were completely different. All of Rubel’s everything belonged to her, but to her, Rubel was just one of many things.

Realizing this was shockingly fresh.

For Rubel, who had served God all his life, only his own heart had mattered. God, of course, responds to human desperation, but God’s heart isn’t what matters. For Rubel, who had never been in a difficult enough situation to desperately crave something, experiencing such a difference now seemed profoundly unfair.

She was not a god, but just a human like him. Shouldn’t they then exchange the same feelings?

Until now, even when he had rushed to the Central Temple for the Purity Rite, such doubt had never sprouted in Rubel’s mind. He simply treated Eir the same way he had loved God. He didn’t doubt for a moment that Eir’s heart would follow behind his.

But during their separation, something had awakened his longing, and now Rubel understood the paradox of loving a human.

“You have a big heart.”

Even though it was clearly a compliment, Eir felt a strange chill down her spine. The praise somehow sounded like a declaration of war. She instinctively realized something was wrong and opened her mouth.

“You…….”

But at that moment, there was a knock at the door. Since her back was directly facing the door, Eir was startled. To think they were in such a position, a man and woman pressed together in a prayer room.

Just as Eir fluttered away from Rubel and quickly pressed herself against the wall to hide, Rubel opened the door halfheartedly and answered in an irritated voice.

“What.”

“B-brother, you told me to bring medicine.”

Fortunately, it was Abel’s voice, who knew the situation. Eir leaned her head against the wall with a sigh of relief.

Meanwhile, Abel couldn’t help but flinch in surprise when he saw Rubel’s face. He had firmly believed that once Rubel met the long-awaited Eir, the demon possessing him would disappear.

That’s why, even knowing it was against his duty as a priest, he had secretly brought Eir here as an offering, but Rubel’s face that appeared when the door opened was not improved at all—if anything, it was worse than before.

‘Why has the situation worsened?’

Unable to understand, he frowned, but Rubel snatched the medicine he was holding and slammed the door shut.

Abel stood for a moment in front of the closed door, wondering if he should leave like this, if it was acceptable for him as a priest to ignore the pitiful soul left inside, but then decided that since she was also a priest, she could take care of herself, and withdrew.