Chapter 32
“Oh no. There’s only one chicken b****t flavor left.”
She’d saved one for later to give to Cola.
“I hope Cola’s doing well?”
Perhaps because this was the country of feline werebeasts, they were much more generous to cats than in Korea. Sia, convinced that Cola would surely be well-fed and looked after, tried to put her worries to rest.
[Are you worried about that ‘Cola’ punk?]
Nox, feeling unreasonably displeased, furrowed his brow and grumbled. As if she could read his mind, Sia immediately gave him an answer.
“Why are you crying? Is it because you’re upset that I’m thinking of another kitty while I have my baby right here?”
Ogu-ogu, Sia patted Nox’s rump. Holding the black cat, who purred in her arms, she enjoyed the atmosphere, now a bit warmer than before.
She thought about when she would be able to return to Korea, but honestly, it felt hopeless. Yet, as she adapted more and more to this place, she found herself strangely reluctant to leave.
Here, there were werebeasts who looked at her with discomfort, but there was no one who actually bullied her.
Plus, there were lots of pretty cats.
She had thought that if she ended up somewhere unfamiliar, she would miss her parents. Maybe even her good-for-nothing older brother, whom she used to dislike so much.
She’d imagined such things once, but now that she was actually living it, she realized she didn’t miss her family at all. If anything, she felt completely liberated, as though a burden had been lifted.
Still, she couldn’t help missing spicy food. Remembering her life in Korea left her heart feeling tangled, and her nose tingled.
“I always wanted to become an adult as quickly as possible.”
That was why she wanted to be independent from her family and live on her own. She didn’t want anything to be taken from her anymore.
After graduating high school and starting work right away, it took her three years to get her own studio apartment. Most of her paycheck had been taken by her mother.
And almost all of it was because of her brother.
He had to go on overseas language programs like everyone else.
He had to enjoy all the hobbies that everyone else did.
He had a lot to study since he was in college.
But what about her?
Not a single thing that her parents ever went on about included Sia. That always made her feel sad and resentful. Why was she treated so differently, even though she was just as much their child? Maybe if she worked a little harder, her parents would finally treat her well.
Until she finally let go of her lingering attachment, she was always desperate for recognition.
“Stupid. I didn’t even realize it was all pointless, and kept being foolish about it.”
“Nya?”
“No, it’s nothing.”
Her thoughts had slipped out before she realized. As she answered, Sia absentmindedly ran her fingers through the black cat’s fur as he gazed up at her.
Before meeting Cola, she had always felt like there was an emptiness in her chest. After stumbling across Cola, she poured all her affection into him as if she had finally found a place for it to go. It was only three months, not a long time, but through Cola, she learned what it meant to give and receive love, and spent a warm, gentle time.
Now, with Cola gone, all that overflowing affection naturally turned to the handsome black cat in her arms.
“Calling you ‘my baby’ all the time might be a bit much, huh? Should I give you a name?”
At her murmured question, Nox’s ears perked up. He already had a name, but he found himself looking forward to the one she would give.
While mulling it over, Sia fished through her pockets. She’d given him churu, so it was time for catnip. Taking out a tin of mint candies, she was about to get the catnip when her eyes happened to land on the name printed on the tin.
“Eclipse. Solar and lunar eclipses, sun and moon…”
Recalling the meaning of her favorite mint candy, she gazed deeply into the cat’s eyes. One eye was as yellow as the sun, the other had a bluish tint like the moon.
“How about Eclipse? The tin with your favorite catnip just happens to have that name, too. I really liked the peach flavor of this.”
Nox didn’t understand everything she was saying, but his ears stood straight up, intent on missing nothing.
“Your eyes are as beautiful as the sun and moon. And your glossy black fur is like the universe.”
Still, ‘Eclipse’ felt awkward to call him by, so Sia continued pondering as she poured some catnip onto her palm.
“Ecli? No, Lips sounds better. How about I call you Lips?”
Nox didn’t care what name she gave him. More than that, the words she’d just said kept echoing in his mind. Her words were even more intoxicating than that heavenly catnip, and he couldn’t come to his senses.
No one had ever praised his black fur.
No one had ever told him his eyes were as beautiful as the sun and moon.
No one had ever hugged him as if he were truly precious.
It was only now that Nox realized what the feeling lodged in his throat had been all along. It was a profound loneliness, and the love he’d so desperately longed for.
To admit that love, he first had to acknowledge just how lonely he had been. He had to grieve for all those years he’d pretended not to know.
To love her, he had to accept all his own solitude.
He wanted to have her all to himself.
He didn’t want to be alone anymore.
If that sort of selfishness was love, then it was certainly love. He felt the darkness that had been hiding inside him as he silently opened his mouth.
To Sia, he just looked like a cute black cat opening his triangular mouth, but the teeth inside were as sharp as a well-honed blade.
First love.
Desire to possess.
Desire to own.
Desire to dominate.
Obsession…
Emotions of all different colors whirled in his heart, mixing completely together. His heart, as black as his glossy fur, throbbed fiercely with hope.
[Sia.]
“Yeah?”
[My Sia…]
“Whyyy, you don’t like the catnip today? Why aren’t you eating?”
Sia, unable to understand his words, simply thought her cat was being fussy and stroked his head. Nox, making a contented sound, confessed in his heart.
I like you so much.
So much I think I’ll go crazy.
That’s how much I want to have all of you.
[Every last strand of your beautiful black hair.]
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