Chapter 57
Paiki let out a hollow laugh, calling it nonsense, but his heart pounded and his hands grew clammy with cold sweat.
Though it wasn’t written in the book, he had deliberately saved some of his rationed milk to share with the cat. In the dry, cold winter weather, fearing something might happen, he checked every morning upon waking to see if it had survived the night.
Holding the charred, blackened cat, he regretted not having sneaked it into his room to raise, even if it meant getting beaten. Yes. He hated his own powerlessness.
The man, struck in his vulnerable spot, gritted his teeth, unable to find a retort.
“Even if you tell me I was abandoned too, I won’t become that cat. You can’t shake off your guilt by keeping me close with lies and taking care of me!”
“Aniella, watch your words. Do you think I’m keeping you by my side just to get over some past event?”
Paiki frowned and clenched his fist. At first, he had been reminded of his traumatic past through her. He couldn’t deny that. But he had gradually developed affection for her.
“I want you to be happy by my side.”
“You think I can be happy when you’ve taken away my freedom?”
“There’s no reason you can’t be. I can create anything for you—material things, sunsets, the sea, as much as you want.”
“Why would you want such a twisted, manufactured happiness?!”
Aniella shouted, saying she didn’t understand.
Paiki felt a churning in his stomach. It pained him that she rejected and disliked him with her entire being when he confessed he wanted her happiness. He kept thinking, This isn’t what I wanted.
It was completely tangled. But he didn’t know where or how to begin unraveling it.
“Because I’ve come to love you. What’s wrong with wanting to see you smile?”
For the first time, he spoke the name of his emotion aloud and acknowledged it. But Aniella did not appreciate his heartfelt feelings. Instead, she grew frightened and even stepped backward. When he approached to hold her, she only moved further away.
Paiki felt frustrated and angry at her for rejecting his affection. Bringing her here was the problem after all. I knew it was a risk, but I foolishly did it just to see her cheer up once.
It wasn’t too late even now. He could put her back in that place…
“If you try to blindfold me, cover my ears, and lock me away, I can never be happy.”
Her resolute tone made Paiki feel suffocated. It was as if someone was choking him, and he frantically grabbed his own neck with his hand.
“Do you think you’ll be happy if you return to your family? You’ll only be more miserable.”
“No matter how hard it is, it will be better than here. At least my family worries about me and loves me.”
“I’m telling you I love you too!”
Paiki shouted and breathed heavily. Having momentarily lost his reason, he looked down at his gloved hands to calm himself. He slowly clenched and unclenched his fists.
“Fine. If you want to go back that much, then go. You’ll never see my face again.”
Aniella flinched at the serious threat. The man, noticing her hesitation, grinned and reached his hand out to her.
“Aniella, I love you. Don’t be like this, come back with me. You love me too, don’t you?”
He thought he was smiling as gently as possible. But to Aniella, it looked like a strangely distorted face.
She had a premonition that if she took his hand and went back, she would be trapped forever.
Aniella shook her head.
“Thank you for everything until now.”
“You’ll regret it if you leave me.”
“I would regret it more if I stayed with you.”
And so, Aniella left the ducal estate.
* * *
Trudging along, Aniella wept bitterly on her way home.
She was angry that Paiki had deceived her so thoroughly all this time. She was also angry at herself for being flustered by his affection, not knowing any better. She never dreamed it was affection laced with poison.
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