Chapter 42
“Women are just like that sometimes.”
I tried to brush it off vaguely, but my opponent was not so easy.
“Even so… how could you go ten days without seeing me? Now, I don’t even want anyone but you in my room…”
Knowing full well that my resolve would weaken if I listened any longer, I purposely responded more firmly in situations like this. I deliberately widened my eyes in an assertive way.
“So what?”
“What?”
“Are you saying you don’t like me being so hot and cold?”
In an instant, the mood shifted as if I might say, ‘Then I’ll just leave.’
Claude’s lips immediately closed.
“…I don’t hate it. No matter how fickle you are, it’s all fine. I just… wish you wouldn’t grow distant.”
Such a humble wish. Since I had my own plan, it hurt as though my heart were being torn apart, but that too was a pain I had to endure.
“If you treat me well, there won’t be a reason for that to happen.”
“I’ll do better. So please, don’t be like that anymore. Okay?”
If only you were as arrogant and cold as you used to be, maybe this would be so much easier.
“I can’t figure out what you’re feeling. That’s why I get anxious. If I could see your feelings, I’d just tie them up tight and never let go.”
His words, innocent like a child’s, stirred my heart again.
My heart, stabbed not by a blade but by his words, bled unseen wounds.
It was a wound I could never let him know about.
* * *
After that, for a while, I poured affection on Claude like a torrential downpour.
To soak his parched heart until it was soft and pliable, so I could mold it as I wished.
Sweet whispers, warm embraces, and, within the limits of my stamina, generous and enthusiastic nights together. That was my simple and unsophisticated strategy.
Letting the leash out was much easier than just yanking it tight.
The satisfaction level of the one being trained seemed quite high, so I was able to feel less burdened as well.
For cowardly me, it was also a perfect opportunity: I could pour out my true feelings without any filter during that deceitful time, and I didn’t have to worry about what came after having scattered all that love.
Claude’s mood, as he received my constant affection, began to brighten, a world apart from before.
His expression was so clear and bright, I wondered if he’d ever looked that happy since we’d gotten involved, and my conscience, which I thought was long dead and buried, started poking at my heart again.
Our dear young master didn’t have the faintest idea about my dark intentions. He was too busy these days trying to reciprocate the affection I spoon-fed him.
Even before, he might have been lacking in character, but at least he was generous. Lately, he was more desperate than ever to give me things, almost to an excessive degree.
“…What’s this?”
“What do you mean. They’re gold coins.”
“I can see that they’re gold coins. I mean, why are you giving them to me…?”
“Just… think of it as your wages.”
“But I already got my wages from the butler this month.”
“Then, call it a bonus.”
“A bonus for what?”
“……”
“Why are you blushing? What are you thinking about?”
“It’s just… I wanted to give it to you because I’m happy…”
“…Sorry?”
“I’ve been really happy lately because you’ve been so nice to me. But I don’t know what to give you that you’d actually like. So I thought you could buy whatever you want with that.”
Any snide remark, like asking if this was some sort of payment for services, disappeared before I could even bring it up under Claude’s earnest gaze.
Starting with a pouch full of gold coins, he began to shower me with even more extravagant gifts, as if all his earlier little presents had just been the warm-up.
One day, when my out-of-his-mind young master showed up with the diamond brooch said to be an heirloom of the ducal family, my heart nearly stopped.
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