Chapter 51
At my confession, which sounded rather calm, Claude narrowed his eyes. I wished my voice could have come out a bit more earnest, but given the situation, my tone came out closer to a plea than a confession.
“What am I supposed to do? I just can’t believe anything you say anymore.”
As expected, he seemed dissatisfied with something, tilting his head and replying in a sullen voice.
“But, Your Grace…”
It seemed the corners of his mouth, hidden by his hand, had slightly lifted.
But when I looked at his eyes, which weren’t smiling, I thought maybe it was just my imagination.
“That’s how I really feel. If you can’t believe me, there’s nothing I can do.”
Isn’t it a given, after all, that you forgive a mistress’s mistakes, whether you know or not?
Grumbling inwardly, I looked up at him with the most pitiful expression I could muster.
Maybe my words had been lost in a light tone, but everything I’d said since coming into this room was the honest truth, I swore to the heavens.
Even if my way was foolish, I really did run away because I loved him, and that’s why it hurt all the more.
It wasn’t because I regretted my miserable life or because I was upset about my situation.
It was because I pitied the future Claude, whom I wouldn’t be able to see with my own eyes after leaving him.
It was so heartbreaking because I already missed the future Claude I wouldn’t be able to touch with my hands or hold in my arms.
“Well, if you really loved me, shouldn’t you have asked me for help? Instead of pushing me to marry another woman.”
“That’s…”
“What is it? Was it the Duke? Did he say that if I married into the Swinden family, I could live a normal life?”
Staring at those still-angry crimson eyes, I recalled my meeting with the Duke.
It was true that the late Duke’s words about Claude being able to find happiness had been a decisive factor for me. But that wasn’t all.
“That too, but…”
The Duke had one more card to drive me into a corner. That was also the decisive reason why I pushed so hard to have Claude marry.
“He said he would eliminate Your Grace if you didn’t marry the young lady…”
The previous Duke had told me another secret about the Clausewitz family.
It was that Claude was not his biological son.
“So he even went as far as revealing all those trivial details, huh.”
He still spoke with a mocking tone, but this time, his eyes shone with a cruel light, as if truly surprised.
The secret the Duke had told me was a complicated story tied to the history of the Clausewitz family.
From the beginning, it was nearly impossible for a family infamous for assassinations and plots—where people would die by the dozen at a word from the Emperor’s right hand—to have only the legitimate eldest son lead the family and its knights.
The Clausewitz line, with the direct bloodline long since broken, had become a family passed down by adoption rather than blood.
They would keep several candidates, make them compete, and if the heir apparent didn’t suit their taste, they would be ‘disposed of and replaced’ in the most ruthless way.
It was something I could never ignore. Things were different now that I knew Claude was not the irreplaceable legitimate son of the Duke.
I didn’t want the man I loved to die such a pointless, miserable death because of me.
Even if it was dirty and unfair, as long as I survived, at least we could still live under the same sky.
So, I told myself, we both had to survive… even if it meant this.
In the end, it turned out he could survive just fine on his own, making all my efforts seem pointless.
“When I heard that, I panicked and made the wrong decision. I was afraid something terrible might happen to you, Young Master.”
Let me beg, for now…
“I regretted it so much, too. I kept my life, but thinking I would never see the person I loved again… it didn’t feel like living at all.”
I put forth my feelings, pitiful as I may be, but at least honest in content, like scattered gold dust.
If he found them worthless and threw them away, there was nothing I could do. After all, this was all I had left.
“So… would it be alright if I worked at the ducal residence again, and lived as we did before?”
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