Chapter 60
Two years later, Claude once again faced Ayla Bell standing before him.
Avoiding the Duke’s eyes, avoiding even the Crown Prince’s eyes. He had arranged it so that she would end up in the ducal residence, disguised as a coincidence upon coincidence, as a kind of symbol to himself.
The girl he met again after two years clearly had the look of someone who had struggled on the streets, but she appeared much healthier and more lively than before.
Perhaps because her age was just right, she caught the Duke’s eye and was brought to Claude’s side as a playmate, and Ayla was even bright and cheerful.
Bringing that child here, going so far as to resort to insignificant tricks, was as impulsive a decision as the moment he had handed her the canteen.
Since her family had essentially died because of him, perhaps it was a form of atonement.
But even so, he never expected that something like this could truly be called atonement.
All Claude ever wanted was just for Ayla Bell to live a safe life, nothing more.
That was all he wanted, and yet……
From the moment Ayla started hovering around him, started getting close to him, everything began to go awry. It was also a bad sign that the Duke, who was pointlessly perceptive, began to pay special attention to Ayla.
Even though the circumstances weren’t good, he couldn’t stop Ayla from approaching him. Far from stopping her, he even gave her an excuse to do so. He allowed only Ayla to stay close, and he didn’t even hide that he treated her as special.
People were cunning creatures, and Claude was no exception. He thought he would be content just having her by his side, but once she was there, he found himself wanting to touch her for no reason. When she responded, he wanted to grow even closer. In the end, he wanted to cling to her and never let go. His affliction only deepened by the day.
Ayla’s fearless attitude did nothing to help matters.
At the very least, if she had feared him. If she, like everyone else, had been too afraid to meet his gaze and only tried to avoid him, maybe things would have been a little better.
But Ayla, as if to mock Claude’s hopes, approached him without the slightest hint of hesitation.
With no fear, not even knowing who he was.
He found that pitiful innocence ridiculous, and yet he cherished it so much he didn’t know what to do.
From that moment, or perhaps even before that, Claude could no longer let Ayla go.
She was the only proof he had left that he was still human. The only person in this world who did not look at him like a beast, who treated him as a person and offered him affection.
There was no way he could refuse someone like her.
As time passed, Claude needed Ayla more and more desperately.
If there is a light permitted only to someone wandering in endless darkness, naturally, he would chase only that light, following it blindly with no destination.
And so, at last, Ayla became Claude’s moonlight.
* * *
Ayla, my moonlight.
You probably don’t even know. The years I spent chasing you are so much longer than the years you spent shining on me.
Even as you approached me so casually, the anguish I felt having to push you away, fearing that you might notice my feelings for you.
Of course, compared to the joy you gave me, that pain was less than a speck of dust.
It was only because of you, Ayla, that I could endure this life that seemed like nothing more than a gateway to hell.
Still, life flows on like a river, so after you came of age, I even dared to have desires.
That I could at least grasp you with these hands full only of death, that you would embrace this pitiful body. Every time, you gave me the courage to keep on living.
But Ayla, you probably don’t know this either. That after holding you in my arms, my soul was tormented by even greater anxiety.
Because without you, I cannot even be human, but it always felt like you could leave my side at any time and go on living just fine.
So every time, I became obsessed, suspicious, and spent day after day on the verge of madness, fearing I would lose you to the Duke.
If the Duke had known how completely mad I was for you, he would never have thought to use you as he did.
Even as I saw through such obvious schemes, perhaps I was too charmed by your sweet arguments to do anything about it.
With your little courage, I thought you might try to get a dress out of me, or perhaps some jewelry at best, but then you suddenly asked me to marry another woman… Such a naive and innocent sword, one I had never seen before.
Do you know how many days I lived as a dead man after your adorable escape?
Knowing full well where you were, what you were doing, what you looked like, yet still waiting for you to return to me of your own accord. Do you know what that felt like?
In truth, you don’t need to know any of this. My heart is as black as sin, so rather than a bitter truth, I want to give you only sweet lies.
I just hope my foolish atonement will never cause you pain.
Even if it does, though, now that I am blind, I will follow the moonlight that shines only on me, until the very end.
—The End—
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