Chapter 45
…Somehow, letting this man slip away feels even more unbearable now. For the first time in her life, she felt this way about a flawed trash she’d chosen.
The next moment, a damp, chilly wind brushed against the hem of her skirt. The stench from a nearby sewer snapped her hazy mind back into focus.
…Even so, this is not the place for this.
As she clenched her teeth to avoid biting Herman’s finger and struggled to regain rationality, he continued whispering with mocking amusement.
“I had no idea my wife had such… peculiar tastes.”
“I don’t!”
The direct hit made Esina blurt out the truth before she could stop herself.
“I just came to find your—!”
“…My what?”
S**t.
Esina pressed her lips shut, rolling her eyes to avoid his gaze.
I never meant to reveal the real reason.
But under that look from Herman, lying suddenly felt impossible.
It stung like an accusation, yet it was the truth. How could someone be so terrifying while staring at her as if his eyes were dipped in honey—
What kind of bittersweet ice Americano nonsense is this?
Yet that’s exactly how it felt. His gaze, utterly cold yet undeniably sweet, still lingered on her face.
While Esina fought to turn away from her own flushing cheeks, Herman—who’d been studying her expression—slowly spoke.
“My what, exactly?”
She considered deflecting, but it was futile. Finally, she squeezed her eyes shut and forced the words out.
“That… you have a—”
“I have a?”
“A b-bastard child.”
“…….”
“…So I came to investigate. They said there’s an informant here.”
Herman memorized every detail as she bit her lower lip.
Her eyes shut, as if speaking alone was shameful. Her face twisted in misery, as though lamenting how she’d ended up in this position—unable to even meet his gaze.
In truth, Esina was merely embarrassed, but to Herman, it read differently.
“Ha.”
A dry laugh escaped him.
He’d run through every possibility on his way here after the initial report.
He hated the thought of her enduring more vulgar insults outside. Of her actions being dissected by those who judged her freely.
Lately, his own aggressive business tactics had left many unable to target him directly—making Esina the likelier scapegoat.
‘Rather than that’
He’d arranged everything so she could wait comfortably at home, with no reason to leave.
And even if her feelings were hurt, so she’d have nowhere to flee—
Yet—
‘To come here on a whim like this…’
To this wretched, dangerous place—even after begging him to stop during their worst argument.
And now she dares to bring up some bastard child? The very rumor he’d hoped never reached her ears.
Half of him thought, So you did hear it back then. That’s why you looked at me like that when you refused me. The other half seethed—You came to this hellhole just to confirm some nonexistent child?
And the smallest, most selfish part of him whispered.
‘Do you still… love me?’
The memory of Esina’s sparkling eyes when she’d said she wanted to marry him flashed through his mind. Then the way she’d averted her gaze afterward, simmering with quiet resentment after his warnings. How she’d even refused his touch as if cutting ties.
He’d thought she’d finally severed her feelings for him—yet here she was, sneaking out at the first chance to hunt down a possible bastard child.
But his first question wasn’t What will you do if you find it?
It was—
‘Do you still care enough to investigate?
Do you still love me that much?’
Do you still love me?
‘What would I even do with that answer…’
Self-mockery churned in his gut. Just imagining Esina walking away plunged his mood into the abyss.
Herman tightened his grip on her chin, forcing her head up. When her eyes—wide as always when startled—met his, he smiled, slow and deliberate, watching her pupils tremble.
“That’s not what matters, Esina.”
“W-what isn’t—?”
“Whether I have a bastard child or not. Why would it matter?”
Her lips parted to argue, but he pressed a finger to them, silencing her.
The truth was simple. There is no child. There never could be. I’ve ensured that—so rest easy.
But instead…
“Any child I acknowledge will only ever come from you.”
His gaze dragged over her again, lingering.
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