Chapter 69
His mind, already devoid of reason, ran wild. He couldn’t bear it unless he held her right away. Holding Esina, who was still unconscious, a maddening sense of guilt surged within him—but even stronger was the suffocating fear that she might leave him.
“H-Herman…”
Every time he moved his waist, Esina, her eyes open, let out ragged gasps. Over her face, he kept seeing the image of her telling Xenon to take responsibility for her. It felt like his heart was burning to ashes.
“Mmm…”
Herman pressed his lips repeatedly against Esina’s tearful, whimpering face, muttering incoherently, not even knowing what he was trying to say.
“Did you really want to leave me that badly?”
“W-What are you… talking about—Ah!”
“Do you hate me now, Esina?”
“W-Wait…”
Esina’s hesitation felt like an affirmation of his question. Of course she would hate him—how could she not despise the man who told her to kill her feelings for the woman he once loved?
But Esina… To think she’s come to hate me…
“Liar.”
But still—
“You said you loved me, Esina.”
You told me you loved me.
That love can’t just die like this.
Again and again, he had pushed her down and trampled on her heart—yet the panic that struck him at the realization that the light in her eyes had truly gone out hammered against his skull like madness.
He knew, as the one who had crushed her heart into nothing, that he had no right to say these things. And yet—
“Why, Esina…?”
No matter what, he couldn’t allow it. He couldn’t just let her go the way she wanted. Now, he—
“But divorce is out of the question. Esina.”
“H-Hic… Sob… Herman, wait—”
“I can’t do it. Not anymore…”
It felt like his throat was being strangled. A voice, rough and cracked, forced its way out with difficulty. His unfocused eyes spilled an endless stream of transparent tears.
Herman, unaware of what he was even saying, bled his heart out.
“I can’t let you go.”
“Hah… Really…?”
“Because now… I love you.”
“……”
“That’s why I can’t let you go.”
“I’m sorry……”
Me—the one who told you not to expect love—ended up loving you.
Even the freedom he once believed was an immutable value—he would have shared it all with Esina.
…Because he finally realized that included the freedom to love her without restraint.
Just then, he felt Esina’s body stiffen with a sharp tremor.
Herman buried his face deeper against her exposed chest, unable to meet her eyes. He was afraid she’d be furious.
Her bare chest rose and fell rapidly against his ragged breaths. Like a child throwing a tantrum, he pressed himself into her embrace and whispered.
“So now, it’s impossible.”
Rather than letting her go—he’d rather…
Just as Herman clenched her chest with all his strength—
Esina, who had been trembling, suddenly grabbed his face with both hands and pulled him up.
“……”
What met him wasn’t the angry expression he expected.
Esina was still looking up at him with shining eyes—the same face she had when she said she loved him.
Herman stared at her, momentarily dazed.
Then, the small lips he wanted to worship parted.
“You love me?”
“……”
“Herman. Do you love me?”
“…Yeah.”
Even as he answered with a bitter smile, Esina’s eyes still glittered.
The more he looked into those fresh, jade-green eyes, the more he felt a burning heat in his chest.
Meanwhile, Esina, too, was flustered by the unexpected confession—her heart pounding wildly.
‘This man…’
The diamond trash she had chosen was confessing his love to her.
At any other time, she would’ve gone mad with anxiety over his sudden change. Truthfully, even now, she was a little uneasy.
‘What if he says this and then betrays me in the end?’
What if he abandons me like the others before him?
What if, after some time, his attention shifts to another woman—to the heroine? That’s the kind of man he is. And yet, I deliberately chose someone like that…
But a small voice still whispered in her heart.
‘But…’
But this one was different.
This was the one I chose myself.
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