Chapter 188
‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.
He looked as if he had just heard a word he didn’t expect. At the sight of him, Boestin let out a hollow laugh and narrowed her eyes.
‘Is he seriously unaware of his own feelings?’
Even if someone grew older without learning anything, this was pushing it. How could he be so foolish?
Boestin clicked her tongue. She refrained from giving him a lingering look and spoke.
“Your actions make it seem like you’re a man who’s lost the woman he loves.”
“So, you’re saying I loved her?”
Boestin frowned in frustration.
If that wasn’t the case, given their relationship, shouldn’t he have just let her leave on her own and accepted it? Why was he acting like the world was ending just because the carriage she rode in was destroyed?
But seeing his genuinely clueless expression only made her chest tighten.
“As Dahlia said, if she’s your enemy, why do you care whether she disappears or dies? I don’t understand why you’re acting like you’ve lost everything.”
Boestin thought of Emilia leaving the estate.
Looking back, she really didn’t think Emilia would ever come back.
‘Mikhail should have seen that look in her eyes.’
Whatever happened between the two, there were clearly complex issues at play.
And it was clear that he had wronged her terribly.
“Do you really regret it?”
“…I don’t understand what either Dahlia or you are saying.”
“Look at your face. I know exactly what’s going on.”
“…”
Mikhail furrowed his brow and pressed his thumb hard against his forehead.
Boestin, who had been watching him quietly, stood up and held a small mirror up to his face.
“Look at your expression. You look like someone who would follow her into death if she really was gone.”
Mikhail blinked slowly, staring into the mirror held right in front of him.
“…”
His red eyes had lost focus. His eyes were hollow, and his face looked anxious.
“You know that looks pathetic, right?”
“Go back to Valoh.”
“I was planning on doing that anyway. Emilia’s gone, the investment’s been received, and the pharmacy project is moving forward, so there’s no reason for me to stay here any longer.”
Boestin nodded. But before all of that, she wanted him to snap out of it.
“Figure out your own feelings first. What do you plan to do if you don’t even know yourself? If you regret it, you shouldn’t make the same mistake again.”
“Stop saying pointless things.”
“Listen carefully! If you don’t change, even if Emilia is alive, the same thing will happen again.”
Boestin slammed her hand on the desk, staring at him with wide, intense eyes.
“You’re honestly the worst man I’ve ever seen. At least from everything I’ve observed up to now.”
“…”
“Who would want to come back to someone like you? Even if she had killed herself, it would just mean she hated you that much.”
Mikhail’s eyes shook violently. There was a flicker of fire in his unfocused, vacant gaze.
“Maybe the best thing for Emilia would be for you to give up here. What if she’s hiding, hoping you won’t find her?”
“I don’t care.”
“She left with nothing. I told her if she needed help, she could contact me, but there’s been no word. Don’t you get it?”
Life outside the estate would be unimaginably difficult. For someone who had lived as a noble, surviving without any help and hiding her identity would have been far from easy.
Even if she was alive, living would probably be more unbearable than dying. The fact that Emilia hasn’t left any trace while still being alive means…
Boestin stood up from where she was leaning against the desk and said,
“She must think being near you is worse than anything. That’s why she’s fighting so hard to stay away. You were the worst for her.”
“Lady Evelyn.”
“Why? Did I hit a nerve?”
He would know better than anyone what kind of person he was to Emilia.
“So if you really want to find her, you’re going to have to act differently than you have until now.”
“I don’t understand what you’re saying.”
“If I was Emilia, I’d think the same. Think about everything you’ve done to her. Then you’ll understand.”
Why he couldn’t find her. Whether he could find her at all.
“You’ll get back everything you’ve given her, Mikhail. Because it’s the ones left behind who hurt the most.”
❖ ❖ ❖
Adrian fiddled with his ear. From the morning, a visibly upset Lady Luther had called him in and started nagging him. He sipped his tea, half-listening, letting it go in one ear and out the other.
The rain didn’t stop, as if the sky itself had torn open.
“Has it ever rained this much in Bartsch?”
“Are you really watching the rain outside while idly sitting there?”
Adrian put down his cup and looked at his mother. What was making her so restless? She couldn’t stay still for a day.
“Is there some rumor that the tragedy in the Loren family is something I’ve done?”
“They’re all whispering about it. Do you think they’re that oblivious?”
Adrian knew that. But people would be scared and think that Duke Heinrich had been at the forefront of this too, as before in the rebellion.
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