Chapter 51

Everyone called it an unfortunate accident.

Lucas was the only one who couldn’t accept that explanation. Could the deaths of his mother and younger sibling really end with just calling it an accident?

On a warm afternoon, his mother, holding his youngest sibling in her arms, had said:

“Lucas, you’re going to be a good older brother.”

“What should I do?”

“Hmm?”

“I… want to know what I should do to become a good brother.”

His mother laughed loudly at the young boy’s words. Then she placed his little sibling in his arms.

“Here, hold your arms like this and lift carefully.”

“My sibling is smiling!”

“That’s right. You made your sibling smile. You’ve become a big brother now.”

Now, even when he tried to remember his sibling’s face, he couldn’t picture it clearly. He only remembered that his sibling’s hair was red like Tristan’s.

‘What kind of brother am I?’

He had wanted to protect that small, pretty baby with the bright smile. He would become a strong knight and grow into a brother his sibling wouldn’t be ashamed of.

When the carriage overturned, if he had searched for his sibling, if he had…

‘They would have lived.’

At the moment of the accident, his mother had embraced both him and his sibling. So his sibling probably would have survived.

“You need to hide, Lucas.”

His mother, bleeding, had hidden him among the carriage wreckage. He couldn’t remember what happened after that.

He had cried, begged, searched for God until he collapsed from exhaustion.

In his fragmented memories, he was nothing but a coward. People asked the sole survivor what had happened in the carriage.

“You don’t remember anything?”

“You must try to remember.”

“The Grand Duchess’s body wasn’t found, but given the circumstances, she likely passed away.”

“A newborn couldn’t possibly have survived such a tragedy.”

He tried to recall.

If he could remember what happened that day, he might find evidence that his sibling was still alive.

The guilt of having seen everything yet remembering nothing tormented him.

‘It’s all my fault.’

Every night, he had nightmares of running away from a black monster. Legs running with all their might through the cold wind.

Someone’s screams that he had ignored and deliberately disregarded. His younger self, who could only cry helplessly.

Perhaps such a coward didn’t deserve to live in this world.

Unable to swallow or overcome his sorrow, he simply wandered. Then, by chance, a book he happened to read lifted him from his collapse.

“Kashian’s Memoirs”

She was a very strange hero, far removed from conventional heroes.

A hero who called herself a coward.

[As long as I lived, I couldn’t escape from myself, a coward. I decided to accept myself as a hero, even while being a coward.]

A hero who called herself a coward yet never ran away. He thought he wanted to become like this person.

If I try harder and become stronger, could I resemble this person?

‘I need to become stronger.’

People praised him for his obsession with swordsmanship, yet they kept their distance. Even during his brief time at the academy, he was always alone.

He thought it was better that way.

“Father, I don’t want to attend the academy anymore.”

“What about your education?”

“There are many excellent knights in the Grand Duke’s household, so I’ll learn from them.”

“Do as you wish.”

His father granted Lucas’s wish to focus on training rather than wasting time socializing.

Until he met a comrade who understood him for the first time in his life, he hadn’t realized how lonely he was.

“Lucas! Come here.”

“Today I brought this book to read together with you…”

He learned the joy of talking with someone. Just being together could be this warm.

‘I want to spend more time together.’

Whether as a friend or sibling, it no longer mattered.

He had wanted to tell her that he would be fine with them becoming family.

‘I put that child in danger.’

Once again, his powerless self collapsed in the darkness.

And while he was wandering in his nightmare, he met his idol. His heart raced at that brief encounter, which might have been just a dream.

“Comrade, I…!”

When he suddenly woke from the dream, he saw people surrounding him. His idol, Kashian, who had held and smiled at him, had disappeared without a trace.

“Young Master Lucas, are you alright?”

“The doctor says there are no significant external injuries.”

“Please lie down and rest.”

Priests and the Grand Duke’s doctors took turns examining his condition. With a dazed mind, he obediently followed the doctor’s instructions.

Gradually, memories from before he lost consciousness came back.

The last thing he remembered was searching through the library, failing to find Liat, and getting trapped in the storage room. He dismissed meeting Kashian as just a dream.

“What about Liat?!”

Lucas, whose complexion changed as if he might collapse at any moment, asked the priest.

“The Grand Princess is currently recovering under the doctors’ care.”

“Is she safe?”

The priest hesitated and fumbled for words instead of answering immediately. Lucas felt his heart drop to the floor and forced his weakened body to rise.

“Master Lucas?”

“She’ll be waiting for me.”

For me, her family.

With each staggering step, his body swayed. His chest tightened, making it difficult to breathe.

‘Becoming stronger is impossible.’

Lady Kashian. I don’t think I can become like you.

“It’s okay. Your presence here is proof of your courage.”

The hero’s comfort, whether illusion or reality, didn’t reach him. His weakness was proven right here, by the existence of the sibling he couldn’t protect.

Fear that he couldn’t contain seeped out, turning his vision white.

***

He stopped people passing in the hallway one by one to ask about Liat’s condition. Fortunately, the situation was more optimistic than he had thought.

“She’s improved a lot after the Grand Duke used his power. ”

“We’ve sent away all the doctors so she can focus on recovery. ”

“They said she’s past the critical point, so you don’t need to worry. ”

“She hasn’t woken up yet, so you won’t be able to see her even if you go. ”

Lucas leaned against the door of the room where Liat would be sleeping. His father, who had reportedly stayed by Liat’s side the whole time, was away, so if he went in now, he could see the child’s face.

‘Do I deserve to?’

He stared at his hands, which he had thought of as medals. These trained hands had protected no one.

“I’m tired of you and Kashian. ”

Liat’s words, which had stabbed like a dagger, repeated in his mind.

“…to you, I am.”

Am I just a stranger to you, neither comrade nor family? As he looked up at the darkening sky where no light could be seen, he turned the doorknob.

Creak.

A large bed was visible inside the opened door. By the window, there were traces of someone having kept watch.

He stepped on a chair and climbed onto the bed. From the center of the bed came the sound of labored breathing.

Seeing Liat’s peacefully sleeping face, his legs trembled.

“….”

He placed his ear against the small, rising and falling chest. Only after confirming the regularly expanding chest did his held-back tears burst forth.

“Ugh, uhh.”

He couldn’t bear the self-loathing for having curled up in darkness instead of saving his sibling.

Just as he was about to step aside, haphazardly wiping his eyes:

“…Lucas?”

Blink. As eyelids lifted, a very hoarse voice stopped him from leaving. Lucas instinctively tried to flee in a hurry.

Small fingers grabbed the hem of his clothes as he was about to leave.

It was a weight light enough that he could have shaken it off, yet he couldn’t move. To him, frozen in tension as if nailed in place, the child spoke.

“Lucas, I… have something I really want to tell you.”

“Such things can be said later; it’s not too late.”

He wanted to run away, embarrassed by how he appeared in the child’s eyes. The child slowly shook their head.

The fragile voice, continuing haltingly, pierced his heart.

“No, listen now. I had a really cool dream.”

The child said this while lifting the corners of her mouth. Lucas asked, hiding the tremor in his voice.

“What kind of dream did you have?”

“In the dream… Lucas was a very splendid adult.”

“…Yes.”

“You became a knight stronger than Kashian. Isn’t that amazing?”

“…”

Those soft words hit him like a shock. Tears that had stopped began to flow again, but the child didn’t notice because of the darkness.

He realized the child didn’t resent him.

“I am weak.”

“Yes.”

“I… couldn’t protect you, and perhaps I won’t be able to in the future either.”

He anxiously examined the child’s expression. He worried about how the child, who knew his weakness disguised as genius, would react. She might call him pathetic and leave his side.

But the child, without changing expression, said.

“That’s obvious. Of course.”

“Huh?”

The child’s hand, released from his clothes, grabbed the ends of his hair. He lowered his head to make it easier for the child to pull.

The child, playfully tugging at his hair, smiled.

“You’re only twelve years old.”

For a moment, he held his breath as the child’s casual touch reached the top of his head. Tap, tap, the child patted his crown and closed her eyes again, mumbling.

“If you want to get stronger, you should drink lots of milk too, Lucas.”

“Is it really okay if I’m weak?”

“Does it matter? You can become stronger later.”

I’m going to sleep now.

After a big yawn, the child released his hair. Lucas, seeing Liat about to fall asleep again, hurriedly spoke.

“What if I can’t become stronger?”

“What?”

“Would it really not matter even if I don’t become as strong as in your dream?”

“Then that would be even better. Because it would change the future where you die in the original work.”

Original work? What does that mean?

Lucas let the unfamiliar term pass and pondered Liat’s words carefully.

‘It doesn’t matter?’

The shadow that had tormented him for so long became slightly fainter. He had heard from the person he failed to protect that it was okay not to become stronger.

An unfamiliar emotion, neither sadness nor joy nor relief, filled him. He slowly lay down beside Liat and grasped the child’s fingers.

“…Thank you.”

It seemed he had wanted to hear those words. From the two people he could no longer meet.

He prayed that the child wouldn’t suffer from nightmares as he did.

That night, in his dream, he magnificently rescued the child. To him, who had driven away his fears and emerged from the storage room, the child asked in a warm voice:

<Are you okay now?>

<Yes.>

In the dream, he thought over and over that he could do anything to protect this child. It was truly a gentle and warm dream.