Chapter 30
Tears began to flow. Though she had a habit of crying secretly, today she simply couldn’t stop. Day by day, her heart was being carved away bit by bit until she felt like she might go mad from the emptiness. She even thought it might be better to die.
Even after becoming an adult, though their affection wasn’t deep, her sisters had been reassuring just by their presence. Even when they drifted apart like isolated islands, when problems suddenly arose, they would flock together and take her side. They didn’t judge right from wrong. It was a given fact to her sisters that Han Yuseol wouldn’t harm anyone. Though she sometimes lost in swordsmanship, she had no memory of losing fights when her sisters were with her.
Whenever she thanked them for helping, her eldest sister would answer that she simply couldn’t stand to watch Han Yuseol bring shame to the family. Now that she had really brought misunderstanding that shamed the family, what words should she use to reply to her sister who simply said she missed her?
She felt sorry to the point of heartache. She wanted to die rather than need to reply to her sister. She wanted to die and not ascend to paradise but hover around her sister to protect her. Then at least she could see her so her sister wouldn’t miss her….
Yuseol wiped her endlessly flowing tears with her sleeve and swallowed her sobbing sounds. Jiwoon gripped the thick branch he was sitting on with his hand and continued reading.
“No matter what people say about you, I know it’s all nonsense. From childhood, you were virtuous, lovable, and a child without greed.”
“…….”
“I only regret that I couldn’t join you on the path to the underworld on the day you received poison alone. Since you’ve saved your life anyway, I plan to clear your grievances and follow after. I won’t be too late.”
“…….”
“…So now have good dreams.”
Yuseol collapsed to the ground. The yellow dirt floor began to be deeply stained with sorrow.
Though she wanted to hide and cry in her room, she knew she wasn’t worthy of that. A woman who failed to protect her family and instead brought ruin had no right to save face. How dare someone like you who only caused harm to those you love…. She couldn’t stop blaming herself until the clear sky darkened, clouds gathered, and sleet began to fall.
She regained her senses when her vision became dizzy and her throat felt raw. When she pressed her eyelids with the back of her hand, her swollen and reddened eyes stung surprisingly painfully.
She pressed her fingers against the cold dirt floor and stood up. As she swayed slightly, Jiwoon jumped down as if he had been waiting and stood in front of her.
“I thought you were only good at being subtly irritable, but you’re good at crying too.”
Today she had no energy to deal with Jiwoon. She pretended not to hear and held out her hand asking for the letter. Her outstretched hand trembled weakly.
Jiwoon, who had been watching that sight silently, handed over the letter and added words.
“But about His Majesty.”
“…….”
“It’s written that he’ll soon marry a woman named Meisa.”
Yuseol’s murky gaze touched Jiwoon’s face. Jiwoon quietly examined those eyes, then changed his intonation as if to provoke her.
“But isn’t he the one who postponed marriage with you every six months due to chronic illness? Even if things change, there are limits—where is there such a law?”
She couldn’t understand what he was talking about. Kim Seon and Meisa would soon marry?
“That’s… you must be mistaken about something….”
Her times with him suddenly flashed before Yuseol’s eyes. So it must have started when she first set foot in the palace at age eleven.
He had been ten years old and noticeably small. They said he had been physically weak since birth. It was his habit to catch colds whenever seasons changed, as well as fevers of unknown cause.
Her father’s face as he worried about him while saying such things was still vivid. The command from her father that she should become a sword to protect him most closely still seemed to ring in her ears.
That’s why Yuseol had hoped to become the sharpest, most beautiful, and most virtuous sword to protect him. She truly thought that if she trained day and night, she could become that.
So she reached sixteen.
The long-awaited wedding day approached three months ahead. It was the happiest time, being busy beyond belief fitting wedding clothes and learning the wedding ceremony. She remembered the wedding being suddenly postponed. They said Kim Seon’s physical condition wasn’t good enough to produce an heir.
That way she spent one year, two years, and four years. During those four years, Han Yuseol, who was still the Crown Princess-to-be, learned to ignore the court ladies’ concerns and her father’s reproaches.
She didn’t want to deliberately search for other reasons why he kept postponing the wedding. If the reason wasn’t his health but Han Yuseol’s inadequacy, it seemed unbearable.
…Was she now receiving punishment for ignoring his heart?
Her eyes moistened again. This time it was a different emotion. Her chest began to boil painfully. As if fanning that symptom, Jiwoon added words.
“Then didn’t His Majesty give you poison with the intention of marrying this woman named Meisa? If that’s true, it’s utterly shameless.”
“…….”
“That’s why he was born on this earth.”
He walked out as if he had finished watching the interesting spectacle.
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