Chapter 14
She faltered, trying to quickly retreat and escape, but Sillian was a step faster.
When she stumbled after lightly bumping into the chest of the man who blocked her path, a firm arm supported her waist.
“Do you know what it means to be made into a Guide?”
He ground his teeth as he whispered in a low voice.
She knew perfectly well. Far better than this man, who didn’t even know where he had heard it.
“It eats away at your life. You feel pain like you’re going to die, and-”
“I know.”
Lynette cut him off. Pushing hard against his chest to free herself from the arm around her waist, Sillian released her without resistance.
“I know. I know it far better than you do.”
His lips pressed tightly together, his face stiffening.
“Even if you were made into the Imperial Prince Euphen’s Guide, that isn’t your true fate.”
“Even so, I am His Highness’s Guide.”
“Lynette, your fate is me.”
“No. The truth doesn’t change.”
He suddenly grabbed her hand.
“Even if you haven’t awakened, I can feel you. Do you still intend to deny it?”
Just in case, on the off chance she might feel something different… she looked down at their clasped hands, but all Lynette could feel was his warmth.
It was a little strange to touch someone without feeling pain. Without the agony she was used to enduring, it almost gave her the illusion she was feeling something else, so she quickly pulled her hand free.
“I don’t feel anything.”
“But I do.”
“There’s nothing I feel!”
Lynette raised her voice.
She didn’t want to be thrown into confusion by this man who appeared out of nowhere claiming to be her fate, yet he was trying to shake her so casually, with words she couldn’t even be sure were truth or lies.
His lips pressed together, Sillian spoke in a low, heavy tone.
“I know what it means to live as a made Guide… how much pain it brings.”
“……”
“You don’t have to force yourself to endure something so agonizing.”
“I’m not forcing myself.”
For Euphen’s sake, because she didn’t want him to go through such terrible pain… she had willingly accepted Shirin’s magic in this life as well.
At her firm reply, the man let out a short sigh and looked at her with shadowed eyes.
“The Prince has a ‘true’ partner. For now, it may seem like you’re his Guide, but…”
“I know. I’m just a fake.”
Why did this man keep saying the truth out loud? She already knew well enough without him speaking so cruelly.
Because she was a fake. Because of that, in her previous life, she had died as she did.
‘I’ve never even dreamed of truly becoming His Highness’s Guide.’
She had once mistaken his side as her place, but to believe herself his ‘true’ Guide? The pain she had to endure was far too great for such an illusion.
Her entire body told her that even touching him was not something she should do, how could she dare imagine such a thing?
“Even as a made Guide, suffering in pain, you intend to remain by that man’s side?”
She almost said she didn’t have the foolish thought of staying with him forever, but she closed her mouth. Explaining herself to this man wouldn’t change anything.
“I came all the way here to find you.”
“You’re mistaken. I’m not your Guide.”
“No, you are.”
“How can you be so sure? You and I can’t even Guide together.”
“I don’t know what Guiding feels like, but Lynette, when I hold your hand, I feel a little more at ease.”
“Don’t lie.”
“You felt it too, didn’t you?”
“No.”
It was only because touching someone at all felt unfamiliar to her. In the years before her regression, she had only made contact with Euphen, so for her, touch meant pain. Merely feeling warmth without pain made her feel strange.
But Lynette denied it with all her will. This man was not special. She would feel the same even holding someone else’s hand.
When she kept saying no, that it was just his delusion, Sillian pressed his fingertips to his brow and looked at her quietly.
“It doesn’t matter. Even if my pendant somehow pointed to the wrong person, I still have to take you away from here.”
“What do you mean?”
“I can’t just overlook someone who was made into a Guide. Knowing what that means only makes me more determined to take you with me.”
“Take me… where? No, I’m not going anywhere.”
Lynette stepped back warily.
“Why are you being so stubborn? This wouldn’t be a bad thing for you. I could make sure you live far more comfortably than here. Wouldn’t it be better to come with me than to stay here suffering until you die?”
Sillian’s voice rose slightly as he took a step closer.
A large hand reached toward her. Feeling the brush of air against the fine hairs on her cheek, Lynette flinched and urgently pushed against his chest.
“Do you hate touching me that much?”
“I’m not your Guide.”
“But I need you. You know well that an Esper can’t endure without a Guide.”
“Stop it.”
Turning away as if to flee, she stepped back, but her feet tangled. She staggered, about to fall, when Sillian caught her lightly.
Dangling in his arms, she bit her lip hard… when a familiar voice came from behind her.
“Lynette.”
It was Euphen.
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