It’s Time to Stop Clinging to the Fake Guide - Chapter 40

“Didn’t you promise not to come looking for me this late?”
“…Lynette.”

His voice was hoarse and cracked. It sounded a little unfamiliar, but with his face hidden in the darkness against the moonlight, she didn’t notice anything strange.

“You can see me tomorrow in the daytime.”
At her sharp words, a large hand pressed against the window.

“Ugh, ha…”
A faint groan slipped in through the gap.

Lynette bit her lip slightly. Normally, he would have tried to persuade her with some excuse, or started a meaningless argument instead. But the fact that all he could manage was a pained groan unsettled her.

As she chewed her lip harder, she stepped closer to the window.
“It’s not even guiding, so what difference could it possibly make…”

Muttering almost like a sigh, she undid the lock. She knew too well what pain was like, she couldn’t just stand by.

The window opened, and the chilly dawn wind swept in.

The man who had been precariously clinging to the narrow window frame stumbled inside, only to collapse straight onto the floor. A heavy thud rang out.

She reflexively stepped back, then quickly bent down to grab his shoulder.
“Sillian!”

“Huuh… ngh…”
Only low groans came as a reply. In the moonlight, his face looked deathly pale.

His brow was furrowed, his jaw clenched tight, his whole being radiated agony.
“Are… are you alright?”

She gave his broad shoulder a small shake, but Sillian couldn’t even look at her properly. Panic clawed at her chest.

Had he reached his limit? Would he, too, now writhe in torment until the day he finally met his guide?

Her mind went blank. There was nothing she could do for an esper who had broken past his endurance. Nothing, except to stand by and hope his guide appeared before it was too late.

“Sillian, stay with me.”
Her voice trembled as she shook him again.

The sound that escaped his throat could hardly be called a groan anymore. It was more like a beast’s growl.

What should she do?

Her eyes fell on his hand, clenched so tightly that the joints of his fingers stood out, white against his skin.

A hand.

The sight of something so familiar made her reflexively clasp it. At once, warmth seeped into her palm. The same searing heat as always. Yet, there wasn’t even the slightest hint of guiding.

‘What am I doing?’

The smarter choice would be to call someone. To say an esper had collapsed in her room. But here she was, letting him hold her hand, letting him believe it brought comfort, when in truth it was only a delusion.

With that thought, Lynette abruptly rose.
“I’ll call for help.”

She had barely taken a step when her arm was yanked back. His fever-hot fingers clutched her hand in a desperate grip, as if he had suddenly regained awareness.

“Let go. I’ll bring someone.”

The more she tried to pull away, the tighter Sillian drew her in. His grip was so desperate she found herself bending closer.
“Sillian, are you coming to your senses?”

“…Sorry… ngh… just a little longer.”

The broken words were hard to catch, but she could tell at least that he was recovering, if only slightly. Carefully, she sat down beside him.

‘Is this really having an effect?’

Or was it just that even in this state, “comfort” still worked?

His breathing, irregular and harsh when he had first collapsed, slowly began to steady. All she could do was hold his hand, wishing him some measure of ease.

How much time passed? Sillian tried to sit up, but his arms gave out and he collapsed back onto the floor.
“Don’t push yourself.”

“If I’m… fine enough… may I stay… a little closer?”
Even as his voice strained with suppressed groans, he smiled faintly.

With his pale, worn face, the smile looked so fragile that she couldn’t bring herself to refuse. After a moment’s hesitation, she gave a small nod. He stretched out his arm.

“Ugh.”

His heavy arm wrapped around her waist, his cheek resting against her thigh. Heat radiated through the thin fabric.

Lynette gazed down at him blankly, then absent-mindedly brushed her hand across his smooth forehead. Sillian let out a low sigh of relief, nuzzling into her palm.

“……”

The night breeze through the open window was cool, yet she didn’t feel cold. The heat of his body burned against her skin.

Her hand lingered on his cheek as his condition improved little by little. She stared absently into the air above.

“Mmh…”

Even the sound of his voice told her the pain had lessened.

‘Is this what real guiding feels like?’

She had never shared such moments with Euphen. With him, every touch demanded that she focus every ounce of strength on enduring the pain.

Perhaps guiding was supposed to be like this, gentle and quiet. Simply sharing warmth, leaning on one another, and knowing how much one meant to the other.

Soft, even breaths escaped him. The man, now freed from the torment that had been consuming him, had fallen asleep with his head pillowed on her lap, his expression at peace.

‘Am I really this man’s guide?’

For the first time, Lynette admitted to herself that it might truly be possible.