Chapter 60
Would Euphen have been happier if she had simply accepted his heart?
If only she had managed the ending better, then, just like before, she might have received his love, given her love, lived together in love… and perhaps spared him from making such an expression.
“I even thought about why it had to be you.”
Since she said nothing, he let out a sigh and continued speaking.
Euphen’s expression grew darker and darker. It was as though he were weighing how much of himself he ought to reveal, as though he resented Lynette for forcing it out of him.
“Just because it’s you. There’s no reason. It feels like… as if I knew you in the past.”
At those words, Lynette’s eyes widened.
“Sometimes I have happy dreams. And in those moments, it feels so real. As if I truly lived through it.”
Could he still have memories from before the regression?
“When I think of that time- no, when I imagine it, it feels as if that moment was the happiest of my life.”
“Your Highness.”
Why is it that, even after living one more life, you still love me? I’m such a worthless woman, unworthy of your heart. No happy ending awaits, only sorrow.
“Lynette.”
His voice was heavier than ever before. Lynette clasped her hands tightly together.
“How miserable do I have to become before you’re satisfied?”
“I never wanted you to be miserable.”
Her voice trembled faintly. She had never wished for such a thing.
Her mind was a tangled mess. Was being unloved always this painful?
Yet even as she wept inside over this situation, from somewhere deep within her came a creeping swell of joy.
That Euphen loved her this much.
She hated herself for feeling joy at that truth. Was this what it meant to be at the bottom, to harbor such lowly emotions?
Two opposite thoughts collided within her.
‘This is the worst.’
She loathed herself. If he were to realize this, would he laugh at her?
“How laughable it must be, that I take joy in damned fantasies.”
“Your Highness.”
She slowly raised her gaze toward him. His twisted expression was one she had never seen before.
In this life, she had discovered many new faces of this man. Gentle Euphen was lovable, yes, but even this unfamiliar expression… she found herself loving it as well.
“Even as I reject Your Highness, I’m happy that you love me so much.”
“…Lynette.”
His blue eyes widened at her honest words. He gave a bitter laugh.
“I despise myself for being happy.”
Lynette gave a wry smile.
“To be glad at being loved even while pushing you away… it’s ridiculous.”
A dry laugh escaped his lips.
“Why is it that, even this time, you love me? Why?”
“……”
“If only you had loved Miss Eshar, everything would have been easier.”
She squeezed her eyes shut. She already knew, pouring out her resentment would change nothing.
Did he perhaps retain some fragment of memory from before the regression? Was that why he had taken her into his heart again? Or was it simply the flow of ‘fate,’ carrying them along this path?
‘Like how I became the fake Guide again, and Eshar later became Euphen’s Guide.’
Perhaps it was something already decided. That Euphen would love her, and grieve for her once more.
At that thought, her chest tightened as though blocked.
“Just accept it.”
The man’s rough voice whispered, sounding almost like a temptation.
As if urging her to cast aside every other thought, and simply follow where her heart led. To love, and nothing else.
Lynette gazed at him quietly. His eyes were a tangled chaos of sorrow, misery, resentment, and despair, but he was still Euphen.
The one and only man she had risked her life to love.
The man she had returned to the past for, with the sole wish that he would not grieve.
All at once, she wanted to embrace him. Even if it hurt, even if she would not live long, she wanted to touch him.
Suppressing the urge to throw herself into his arms, she clenched her fists tightly.
“I…”
Was even this outcome fate? What was fate, anyway? If this was to be the end, then why hadn’t she been awakened as Euphen’s Guide?
Lynette gave a bitter smile. In both her previous life and this one, it seemed she was only ever the one to wound and torment him.
If that was the case, perhaps admitting it was better. At the very least, the moments she had shared in love with him had been happiness.
That must be what love was, knowing what awaited at the end, yet still throwing oneself into it willingly.
“Your Highness… I love you.”
Lynette forced the words out with difficulty. Euphen did not react at all, he only stared at her in silence.
A heavy silence fell.
Perhaps because both of them understood the weight of those words. Neither Lynette nor he showed a joyful expression.
“Say it again.”
“I love you.”
Once she admitted it, the second time was easier.
The man cupped her face in his large hands. A sigh escaped him, clogged and heavy.
“You’ve finally said it.”
His low voice trembled faintly.
With his face stiff and rigid, Euphen took a step closer and slowly raised his arms. He spread them wide as though about to embrace her, but stopped short, leaving a small distance between them.
To anyone else, it must have looked ridiculous. A stance that was neither an embrace nor a rejection. Yet Lynette could feel Euphen’s emotions fully.
The two of them stood like that for a long time, without touching. And even so, it felt as though they could sense each other’s warmth, their scent, their everything.
Lynette quietly lowered her head. She wanted to embrace him. Even if it hurt, she wanted to hold him.
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