Chapter 82
“Was it good, living as a fake Guide in your dream? Is that why you went and did something so foolish in reality?”
“Yes, it was good!”
Lynette bit down hard on her lip as she answered. Her chest tightened painfully.
“I was so happy!”
The man stepped closer and lightly grasped her trembling arms. Lynette struggled, trying to shake off his hands.
“That’s why, that’s why… this time, I didn’t even hope for happiness.”
“Lynette.”
“But then, again.. I wanted to be happy again… but everything just fell apart…”
The words flew straight from her mouth before she could even think. She couldn’t properly judge what she was saying.
“I just… didn’t want him to be sad anymore.. But I was the one who caused him pain…”
At some point, her eyes were filled with tears. Her struggle to break free from Sillian’s hold slowly faded, then stopped completely.
Their gazes locked.
“Why is it that all I ever do is hurt him…?”
“….”
“Hh… hhic…”
She tried to hold it back, but the emotions that had risen to the very top of her head spilled over. Tears dropped heavily, and muffled sobs slipped out between her lips.
They were things she had never confided to anyone. Yet why was it that with Sillian, everything came pouring out like this?
Was it because he was her fate? Because she instinctively knew he was someone she could never escape, no matter what? Or because he was the kind of man who, whatever she did, would forgive her in the end?
“Hhk… uhhk…”
She had never once allowed herself to cry freely, and so Lynette hardly even knew how to cry. Ragged sobs tore out of her, and her tears soaked her cheeks. Sillian’s face showed a flicker of surprise, but soon after a deep sorrow settled instead.
The hands that had gripped her arms slowly slid to her back. As though he had no words that could console her, he simply drew her quietly into his embrace.
“Hh… hhuk…”
His warmth calmed her down a little.
‘So this was the kind of comfort a hug could bring..’
With her forehead pressed firmly to his chest and her hands clutching tightly at his clothes, Lynette bit down hard on her lips.
The moment she realized that being held like this was such a tender act, her sorrow only deepened. She had, of course, felt kindness when Euphen held her too, but the pain had been far too overwhelming. But now… to be able to focus only on the warmth, the pounding heartbeat, the strong arms wrapped around her… that alone brought fresh, heavier tears streaming down.
Lynette cried for a long time. She wept until she was drained, until sweat beaded across her forehead.
When was the last time she had truly cried? Not even in the moment of her death had she shed tears, because she had thought Euphen would only grieve even more.
When she finally lifted her head, her eyes red and swollen, Sillian cupped her cheek gently in his palm with a faint smile.
“Have you finished crying?”
“…I’m sorry.”
Her voice sounded strained, almost absurd, but he didn’t laugh. Instead, she felt his calloused fingertips carefully brush along her damp lashes.
Lynette closed her eyes briefly, then opened them again, looking at him with puffy eyes before letting out a bitter smile. To weep before the one who was bound to her by fate, because she had made Euphen sad… wasn’t she the most wretched woman? She only ever did things to wrong Sillian, and that thought made her despise herself even more.
“I didn’t mean to make you cry.”
“…”
“You must have been very happy in your dream.”
She lowered her head. She couldn’t bear to meet his eyes directly.
Something welled up again from deep inside her. She pressed her hand against her chest, let out a trembling breath, and sighed quietly.
“Lynette, I won’t ask how it was in the dream. Whatever happened there… reality will be cruel.”
She immediately understood what he meant.
He was saying that the end of a fake Guide would never be a good one. That her life would be worn away, that she would suffer, and that no matter how much she gave her heart to Euphen, she would only be blocked by the wall of being a ‘fake Guide’, unable to do anything.
“That’s why you should stop.”
When she didn’t answer, his voice softened, coaxing.
“You’ve already found the Imperial Prince his true Guide. You’ve done everything you could.”
“Miss Eshar hasn’t awakened yet.”
At those words, his jaw clenched, and anger briefly flashed across his face.
She remembered, they had already had this very same conversation in the room earlier.
Lynette looked up at him. The corners of her eyes still burned hot.
“Sillian… you’re right. Someday, I’ll have to stop.”
His red eyes widened slightly, as if he hadn’t expected her to say such a thing.
“When Miss Eshar awakens…”
Euphen had said he would find a way to undo the magic. Even if he failed, he had sworn he would never let her go.
Lynette didn’t doubt him. In truth, those words had made her so very happy.
‘But in the end… it won’t work, will it?’
If there was no way to break the magic, the two of them would be forced to live out their lives apart, unable to touch. How unbearably difficult that would be… she could hardly even imagine.
To touch him was painful, to be unable to hold him was sorrowful… In the end, there would only be nothing but tears.
If that was the case, then leaving was the better choice. This time, she even had a reasonable excuse.
There was Sillian, the one bound to her by fate.
Forcing herself to remain calm, Lynette spoke.
“Sillian, just as you said… I’ll leave.”
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