My Ruin to You - Chapter 199

Roseline, who had stopped, looked down at the arm she had yielded to Valen. It wasn’t even a tight grip. Yet, the subtle tremor she felt at his fingertips held her in place. Somehow, even his sigh-tinged voice sounded like a plea. Why is he like this again? Did he really eat something wrong?

“Why?”

Roseline lightly removed his hand and turned to face him. The hand that had achieved its purpose retreated coolly, but Valen’s expression was far from good.

“You can’t show me that and then ask me why.”

“I didn’t show you; you saw it. I don’t understand why that’s a problem.”

“If I hadn’t stepped in, you would have been slapped by that man.”

“I suppose so.”

“You suppose so?”

Valen chewed over Roseline’s words. Irritation pooled between his brows, and anger rose in his crumpled eyes. This confirmed one thing for sure: he seemed deeply uncomfortable with the situation where she was being thoroughly taken apart by Mür. After doing all sorts of things to isolate me in my past life, is this something to get so agitated over—just nearly getting slapped? What a strange man.

“Let me say it again, I don’t understand why you’re acting like this, Your Highness. It’s not like you enjoyed seeing anyone get bullied. So much so, I thought you might have even assigned Lord Mür as my superior on purpose.”

His expression cooled sharply. It was a dramatic shift. Having plainly stated her thoughts, Roseline shrugged her shoulders. “If not, then never mind.”

As he often did when in a bad mood, Valen stared at the edge of the tent while running his tongue over the inside of his mouth. The silence stretched. Roseline considered just leaving him there, but knowing she’d likely just get caught again, she stayed put silently. Only after roughly rubbing his tired-looking eyes did he slowly turn his gaze back to her.

“Did I enjoy that?”

“Didn’t you?”

“It wasn’t that I enjoyed. It was you, coming to me when you were struggling and in pain, that I liked.”

“……”

“You, clinging to me as if I were your only refuge. I just… found it endearing.”

She thought about it. There was a time like that. A time when, being pushed around left and right, the only place to catch her breath was in this man’s embrace. Days when she dared to consider embracing her sole sanctuary.

She wanted to insist it was all a deception, but searching her conscience honestly, she could understand Valen’s words, just a little. The one who had listed all the trivial details of her daily life and acted spoiled was Roseline herself. She had liked his embrace, which accepted and comforted her in everything.

Just as she had grown accustomed to that embrace, perhaps Valen had also become tinged by her dependence.

But understanding and forgiveness were separate matters. Having collected her thoughts, Roseline stared back at him with an expression that asked, So what?

“Admit it. It’s not like you never once thought about wanting to keep me all to yourself.”

Valen licked his dry lips, as if parched with intensity, and took a step closer.

“And what did I do, then?”

“You’re asking me that?”

“The plague?”

“……”

“Yeah, that was the plan. But what part of my plan actually went right?”

“……”

“For a period you couldn’t even fathom, I kept thinking. If things hadn’t gone wrong and the plague hadn’t broken out, could I have pushed you into the pit of the plague?”

He blinked slowly. The shadow of his thick, lush lashes fell over his eyes.

“You know the answer. If it had been possible, I wouldn’t have left you there for a fortnight either.”

Valen let out a long breath. Roseline, who had been staring at the buttons on his uniform, turned her head away.

This conversation made Roseline deeply uncomfortable. She had no desire to set the past straight now, and consequently, no desire to forgive him either. Forgiving him would mean accepting this man again, and she didn’t want that. Neither his softened voice, as if pleading for understanding, nor the man’s body heat subtly winding around her fingers was welcome.

So, Roseline coldly slapped his hand away and took a step back.

“While I find it difficult to agree, if that is Your Highness’s will, I will consider it as you having done nothing. And if, from now on, you truly do nothing for me, I would have nothing more to wish for.”

Roseline pulled up the corners of her lips. He quietly stared at the smile plastered on her pale face, then swept his hand through his hair as if agitated. Black hair scattered through his thick fingers, and a sigh escaped between his finely shaped lips.

“Don’t be clever, Roseline.”

“How can I be clever when I’m not smart?”

“Don’t twist my words.”

Valen pressed hard on his temple. The whitened tips of his fingers hinted at his inner state. He seemed immensely frustrated by the conversation and situation not going his way. After what felt like the umpteenth sigh of the day, he continued.

“You probably want him punished, but based on that incident alone, I can’t issue a formal disciplinary action. He’ll receive a reprimand, sure. But that’s all.”

“I know.”

“Even after going through that, will you keep sticking with that man?”

Who would possibly want to? The expression ‘sticking with’ grated on her, but getting angry would only please Valen, so she just shrugged her shoulders indifferently.