Not a Confession, but a Declaration - Chapter 11

‘Must I concern myself with what Felix wants?’

‘I’ve already confessed that I love him, so Felix will gladly endure whatever rumors are directed at him.’

Naturally, he had said it in order to keep the promise he had made to Felix.

That wasn’t to say there was no sincerity in those words at all.

If Abel had loved Felix just a little less, he might have insisted that since he had confessed his love, Felix ought to love him in return.

If he had loved Felix even more than he did now, perhaps he might have given him up for the sake of Felix’s peaceful life.

But Abel, who loved Felix somewhere in between those two extremes, considered his own feelings important as well.

It would not be the absolute worst outcome for Felix, either.

They had missed the best possible outcome, but by the same token, they had also safely avoided the worst.

After parting ways with the Pope and returning to his room, Abel immediately began investigating Felix’s background.

He had declared to the Pope that he loved Felix, and as he left, he had once again loudly proclaimed that he loved Felix and that Felix ought to be grateful for it. Deliberately as though making sure the other priests overheard. No matter how hard the Pope tried to keep things quiet, it would only be a matter of time before the story spread.

‘Once the rumors have spread far enough, I’ll make my next move.‘

For now, then, it was time to rest. Spending his break learning more about Felix was a very productive use of time.

Apparently, however, Felix did not share Abel’s opinion.

“What exactly are you doing right now?”

Abel, who had been openly reading the report on Felix while sitting directly in front of him, turned to look at him.

“You’ve been watching me for quite a while, and now you ask? I’m reading information about you.”

People might not yet know that Felix was the object of Abel’s affection, but they did know that Felix belonged to Abel. Perhaps because of that, Felix was standing close at hand, acting as his guard.

In other words, Felix was inside Abel’s private bedchamber.

Abel stared openly at Felix’s face.

He had known that Felix was blond, blue-eyed, and handsome. But he had never examined Felix’s face feature by feature before.

‘Does he resemble Gregory?’

His delicately shaped eyes, framed by subtle double eyelids, his well-proportioned, elegant nose, his full red lips, and pale skin. Each feature was attractive on its own, but together they formed a face even more beautiful for the harmony between them.

He was handsome to an excessive degree, far beyond merely standing out among others. But perhaps because Abel had never tried to describe another person’s appearance before, he found himself at a loss for how to put it into words.

At most, he could say that Felix’s thick eyelashes lent an even deeper melancholy to his blue eyes, already reminiscent of a lake. He was tall and broad-shouldered as well, making his already small face seem even smaller, and compared to those broad shoulders, his waist looked rather slim.

Perhaps because he trained diligently, his body looked firm even beneath his clothes. From head to toe, there did not seem to be a single lacking feature.

‘Though there is a scab on his lip… That should disappear soon enough.’

Should he heal it for him?

However, having recalled the memories they had shared together, Abel naturally let the thought pass and continued examining Felix.

If he had to point out a flaw, it would probably be his fingers. Perhaps because he trained so hard, they were not particularly pretty.

The joints were thick, and there seemed to be a few scars as well.

‘I don’t think he resembles him, though?’

Perhaps Abel simply did not know because he had never closely examined Gregory’s features. But even if he did look carefully, he did not think he would find any similarities.

Gregory was old, after all.

Nor did he particularly want to imagine what lay beneath that wrinkled face and compare it to Felix.

‘It’s not particularly important anyway.’

Shrugging, Abel set the documents down on the table and asked Felix,

“Are you bored?”

“…I’m currently working.”

The fact that Felix answered despite looking as though he did not even want to acknowledge him suggested that being the Herald of God was not such a bad position after all. Back then, whenever Felix did not want to speak with him, he would keep his mouth shut for an entire day if necessary.

Not that Felix was willing to answer everything willingly now, either.

“In case you’re curious, I started looking into you because it seemed to me that I don’t know much about you.”

‘Turns out I don’t even know how old you are. Can you believe that?’

He swallowed the words before they could leave his mouth.

Abel might be oblivious, but he was not an idiot. Felix was already rejecting Abel’s love as it was. There was no need to tell him that Abel had not even known his name or his age.

“If you don’t know something, couldn’t you just ask me? Why are you investigating me behind my back?”