Chapter 77
They were different from those of the countless people who had been captivated by his face. Even so, feelings always faded with time.
So he must not grow accustomed to them.
He must not come to take being treated as someone special for granted nor could he allow himself to enjoy it.
To the Herald of God, someone like Felix was nothing.
So even now, he had to tear himself away.
Not for Abel’s sake, but for his own.
If he let himself break any further, he would become far more miserable and pathetic than he already was.
However, after that, no matter how much he pushed Abel away, Abel remained completely unfazed, and it made his blood boil.
He was angry that Abel spoke without thinking, despite knowing full well the effect a single word from him could have within the Temple.
So, under the excuse that he had to cut Abel out of his life, Felix insulted him.
He tried to hurt him, and found himself watching for his reaction, feeling nothing but how pathetic and foolish he himself was.
It was almost laughable, how seriously he threw himself into kissing Abel in the name of hurting him.
So what if Felix was a bad kisser? Abel wasn’t any better.
Yet even while thinking that, Felix didn’t stop.
Even as Abel confessed to him over and over again.
Even as he rejected him again and again.
Abel had always looked down at Felix from above. But whenever they kissed, Abel was the one who ended up swayed by him.
Felix found that rather satisfying.
To see the man who was always so composed breathing heavily, his face flushed red as he looked up at Felix.
To hear him apologize in a damp voice while carefully watching Felix’s reaction.
To see red marks bloom upon that face that had always been flawless and immaculate.
Yet the greater that petty pleasure grew, the more keenly Felix realized what a wretched person he had become, taking satisfaction in humiliating others, trampling over them, and standing above them.
That was why.
He had swung his sword like a madman throughout his entire day off.
Only after losing himself in the relentless rhythm of the blade did he truly realize just how far from his right mind he had been.
How was what he was doing now, taking pleasure in manipulating another person’s feelings and humiliating them, any different from his biological father?
He had sworn his entire life that he would never become like that man, yet he was no different from him.
This had to stop. The person he was now was far too emotional, far too impulsive.
He had never lived that way before, yet now he revealed his feelings so easily and acted however he pleased.
He was accustomed to facing people behind a mask.
He was accustomed to hiding his true feelings behind a smile.
Ever since that confession, something had clearly come over him.
It wasn’t even the first time someone had confessed to him.
Perhaps simply because the one confessing was Lord Abel, he had let himself get carried away.
It wasn’t that he had feelings for the other man.
It was simply that, in Felix’s life, there would never be another person as extraordinary as Abel who treated Felix as though he were his entire world.
There was no one living in the Temple who didn’t know how great the Herald of God was.
Nor was there anyone who didn’t know the position the Herald of God held within the Temple, or what he would one day possess.
That was why Felix had reacted so presumptuously to his confession, so unlike himself.
Starting tomorrow, he would return to the way things were before.
He would once again become Felix the holy knight in front of Lord Abel and offer him a proper apology.
If possible, he would step down from his position as Abel’s guard as well.
Having reached that conclusion, only then did Felix realize that the sky had grown completely dark, leaving not a trace of light behind.
He wiped the sweat streaming down his face and sank to the ground.
He had swung his sword for so long that his entire body was soaked through, and his arms and legs had long since passed trembling into complete numbness.
Discussion
0 CommentsNo comments yet.