Chapter 158
‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.
Johann spoke plainly and dryly, only stating the facts, but the story of his struggle to save me made even my hardened heart soften. It made me reflect on my earlier thoughts. I should be grateful that he didn’t abandon me during such a difficult time, but was I being too ungrateful?
I should be thankful, but as soon as I thought that, a different thought crept in—that Johann hadn’t abandoned me, but simply couldn’t let go of his first love. It made me question what I should truly be reflecting on. And once again, my heart grew dry.
My heart would moisten and then dry up, over and over. The love I had for him, which had rooted itself in my heart, would bloom only to wither again.
Is love supposed to be this difficult?
Although my life had gotten easier after getting right of the Major, and many things had improved, my love still felt like an endless tightrope walk. If I fell from this rope, it would all end, but I couldn’t make myself fall, because the suffering would never end if I did.
Today, like every other day, I clung to my wavering heart, enduring. And today, one thing became clear after hearing his first love story.
At one point, I had dreamed of growing my love for him, nurtured by his broad heart, until it covered all of his feelings, killing off his love for other women. How foolish I had been. His heart was already entirely Dana’s. I was nothing but a parasite, feeding off the corner of his love.
As a parasite, I had no right to be picky, so I took what he gave me. I ate the fish he offered, savoring the soft flesh, though it was quickly swallowed. The prickly bones, however, lingered in my mouth for much longer.
After the meal, the Hilldebrandt couple invited us to the sitting room and offered us dessert and drinks. They seemed to have taken a liking to us, since they kept us there even after the meal.
It wasn’t surprising that Mrs. Hilldebrandt, who had been eager to have us over for dinner for quite some time, showed us such hospitality. But I hadn’t expected General Hilldebrandt, who had seemed indifferent, to show such a keen interest in us.
“One of your wedding rings is missing. Did you sell yours?”
“Yes, I did.”
“For the hospital bills?”
“Yes.”
“Hmmm…”
He asked very detailed questions, especially about how we had managed to survive after the bombing. Johann answered with short replies, and it seemed that the general grew bored, as his questions became more ordinary.
“What does the teacher do in his free time?”
“Right now, I don’t have time for leisure, but sometimes I play card games with my wife.”
“Hmmm. Before the war? No, that’s not the right question. Do you know how to fish?”
“I do know how.”
The general, who had been expressionless the entire time, now showed signs of excitement, and for a moment, I wondered if I had misinterpreted it due to my drunken state. However, the next question confirmed that I had not imagined it.
“Hunting?”
“I don’t enjoy it, but I know how.”
“Do you play card games?”
I started to wonder why he was asking so many questions about Johann’s hobbies and activities.
“There’s a social club at the bunker. It’s selective, only admitting high-ranking military and government officials. But I think you two would qualify to join.”
I was caught off guard by the unexpected proposal. The general, abandoning his usual reticence, now displayed clear excitement as he continued.
“We’re all tired of seeing the same faces every day, so there’s been a lot of talk about bringing in new ones. And if I recommend you, who could possibly oppose? Even if there’s any resistance, I’m sure they’ll change their minds after a few words from me.”
The idea of joining an exclusive club for the upper class seemed to be based on our demeanor and dining etiquette, which the general found suitable.
“It’s a gracious offer, but we’re fine as we are.”
“Fine? Am I the only one who thinks it would be a waste for you two not to join? This is also an offer for you, teacher. How long are you going to live as a poor teacher? It would be a great opportunity to build connections with those in power and advance your career. Then, the next time some obnoxious person like that creep clings to your wife, you could just wave them away.”
Johann paused for a moment, as if deep in thought, before giving a slightly awkward smile.
“Thank you sincerely for your consideration, but at the moment, we can’t afford such an opportunity.”
“Of course, we’ll help you with that. So please, don’t refuse.”
Just then, the wife returned to the sitting room, joining her husband in his efforts to persuade us.
“There’s also a women’s-only gathering. You know, there are things that women like to discuss amongst themselves. Every Tuesday at 10 a.m., we play tennis and then have lunch together.”
It seemed like she was particularly trying to persuade me, assuming that if the wife was convinced, the husband would follow, as is often the case in marriage. However, the true authority in our home was Johann, not me.
“I’m afraid I’m too weak to play tennis…”
Although I wasn’t truly that weak, I had been using my health as an excuse for so long that I expected it would work again.
“Oh, don’t worry about that. We mostly just pretend to play tennis and spend the time sitting, eating, drinking, and chatting.”
“The tennis gathering is just a name.”
At her husband’s blunt observation, the wife laughed heartily and patted my hand.
“I’ll find you something to wear for the gathering, so don’t worry.”
“Oh, you really don’t have to do that…”
“I want to do it. How could I not do something for the person who helped open up Thomas’s heart?”
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