Please Forget Me - Chapter 175

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

Suddenly, the world seemed to come to a halt, as if not a single bird was singing or a dog was passing by. Then, at some point, a carriage passed by, and the coachman nodded at me.

It was only then that I snapped back to reality, startled.

“Mrs. Renner? Is everything alright?”

“Oh, no, it’s nothing….”

It wasn’t nothing. My mind had deteriorated so much that I might have been dreaming with my eyes wide open in broad daylight. But when the carriage appeared, I came out of the illusion and returned to reality.

‘Then the major’s words about Johann being a spy were all just a dream…’

But the cigarette butt, crushed and discarded where the major had stood, mocked me—no, that was not a dream, that was reality.

‘No. It’s all lies from that scheming man.’

I tried to pull out the terrifying words the major had left lodged in my mind like thorns. But instead of pulling them out, I only succeeded in driving them deeper.

If Johann is a spy, then it makes sense that he would refuse to talk about his past. And if this marriage is a lie, it also makes sense that he wouldn’t tell me how we fell in love and got married.

“Think about it carefully. Do you think he felt sorry? No, he must have been pleased.”

Every time I recalled how Johann seemed relieved when he saw that I couldn’t remember, those unreadable eyes of his also made sense.

Come to think of it, Johann had tried to leave as soon as he found out that this bunker was hidden here. I had thought it was because the major had shown interest in me…

“I think we should go back to my hometown.”

He kept insisting we go to a hometown already in the enemy’s hands, which now seemed strange.

‘…Could he have been planning to reveal the location of the bunker to his homeland?’

Now that I know he’s a spy, everything that had confused me before makes sense. I thought that the day I understood him, I would fully trust him, but how naive that was.

Understanding didn’t lead to trust, but to distrust.

‘Johann… is a fake.’

As I acknowledged it again, tears fell like the first time I realized the truth. I had to press my mouth shut with the hand I was using to wipe away the tears, stifling the scream that was trying to escape.

The man I had known as Johann was an enemy with an unknown identity. I had known him as my husband, but he might not even be that.

This swindler!

So, was his love also a lie?

No, it couldn’t be. I searched through my memories frantically and almost cheered when I found the evidence that he truly loved me.

“Don’t go back to your hometown. Let’s live here, as the Renner couple in the mountains.”

When he said that, we could have left this place. He must have known that Dana was still alive, and that her lover was dead. Yet, he chose to stay with me instead of Dana.

“I know the identity of that swindler. So, he should have at least offered me a woman to shut me up, right? I gave him a chance, and yet he refused.”

Yes, as the major said, if Johann had handed me over to the authorities, it would have been easier for him.

‘Maybe he stopped it because he was afraid of me revealing to the major that he was a spy.’

Like the Christmas customs story.

‘No, if that were the case, why would he have taken the risk of protecting me, even at the cost of exposing his own identity?’

The fact that he became closer to General Hildebrandt comes to mind.

It never made sense that he would use me as an excuse to infiltrate the military’s leadership, since he had always avoided Hildebrandt’s offers. He tried to avoid gatherings with the upper class and even resisted invitations from the prime minister.

Occasionally, when he had to attend these events, he’d act effortlessly cheerful and social, only to return home and collapse onto the bed, exhausted. On days when we’d look at or sample the valuable gifts we received from the people in the bunker, he would watch silently and murmur:

“Yes… as long as you’re safe…”

During those times, I couldn’t shake the feeling that Johann had sold something precious of his to buy my safety.

Was that precious thing his loyalty to his country?

If so, does that mean Johann valued me more than his homeland, choosing to stay by my side instead of returning home?

‘So, Johann loves me…?’

“What kind of man makes a woman he loves commit murder on his behalf?”

The major’s voice echoed in my mind, throwing cold water on the thought.

No matter what, Johann must have approached me to use me for the assassination. If that deeply devout man truly loved me, would he have made me commit a sin that would damn me to hell? Moreover, wasn’t he still in love with Dana at that time?

‘Johann doesn’t love me.’

But maybe that’s changed now.

Even if it has, the fact that he used fake love as bait to manipulate me doesn’t change.

Johann loves me. He doesn’t love me.

With every step I took, the answer seemed to change. Lost in thought, I found myself at the school before I realized it. Through the classroom window, I saw the man standing in front of the chalkboard.

‘Only that man knows the answer.’

But that man is a liar. I already know I can’t trust his answer.

Liar. Spy. Enemy. Swindler. All the labels attached to him warn me that I shouldn’t trust him.

I stood some distance from the window, clenching my teeth and staring. The bell signaling the end of the lesson rang.