Chapter 225
‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.
When I was restless, craving a touch from a husband who wouldn’t kiss me, Killian once said this in embarrassment. I had thought it meant I was shy about physical love back then.
‘Or did it mean I avoided contact because I didn’t love him?’
“Because I love you.”
Does that mean I only came to love him after forgetting everything about who he was? Because he was completely different from the man I knew?
The man who only talked prettily but never went near the trenches as a commander, who quietly stepped up when trouble came to the village instead of others.
The man who called the blood on my hands lovely, yet wished I never stained my hands with blood.
A completely different person.
‘That man isn’t brain-damaged like me.’
I stared blankly at the man trying to cheer me up, thinking last night’s events had left me dazed.
“I’ll send a telegram to my brother as soon as we get down the mountain. He’ll send someone to pick us up, and we can reach home in two or three days. So hang on a little longer. This will be the last hardship. I promise.”
Does this tenderness also belong to the fake mask he wore before? Did I pretend to love a man I couldn’t love, to play the part of the one who could? Does that mean I ended up loving a perfect impostor?
Now, I doubted if my love was real at all.
‘I don’t know. I really don’t know anything anymore.’
As my head throbbed with confusion, one question came late to mind:
‘But was what I saw last night really a memory?’
Even now, more than half a day later, the passionate scenes between young ‘Dana’ and ‘Johann’ still felt vivid, but weren’t they just dreams?
There was only one way to find out whether it was fantasy or memory.
“As soon as we get there, we’ll bathe in warm water with fragrant soap…”
“Was your rank company commander?”
That was the question.
I couldn’t ask if he had loved me back then. Asking that would hurt him, and I wouldn’t get a proper answer.
So I tried to confirm whether the new facts I learned from ‘memory’ were true…
“…”
Before I asked, the man who used to whisper endlessly about soft clothes, delicious food, and a comfy bed suddenly closed his mouth, looked at me puzzled, and instead asked,
“Why do you ask?”
“Just curious about the man you were back then.”
Killian stared at me, then nodded once and resumed walking down the slope.
“Tell me about those days. We were at the same base, right? Where was it? Was it as rugged as here?”
No, right? It was a wide forested plain, wasn’t it?
As I suspected, Killian shook his head. It became clearer that what I saw last night was memory—and that I did not love Killian.
“Tell me what it was like there.”
I wanted to give up by then but couldn’t resist the desire to know the truth.
“It wasn’t a happy memory, so I don’t want to talk about it.”
Killian’s face faced forward so I couldn’t see his expression, but his back showed discomfort. He didn’t like this topic. That made me even more suspicious and unable to hold back.
“Surely it wasn’t all bad memories. Wasn’t that where we met again? Where we got married, right? Then you have to tell me more.”
“That wasn’t a happy memory either. We’ll have the wedding again once we get home.”
“Why wasn’t it a good memory?”
“I already told you.”
“I don’t remember.”
“Good. Forget it then.”
Killian was unusually firm. That only made me more determined not to give up.
“Then tell me about the unit instead of the wedding.”
“What would you do with that?”
“I’m asking because I want to know your past and mine. Why don’t you want to tell me?”
“Dana, we’re leaving the battlefield now to forget everything and move on. We leave the past behind with our footprints and keep walking.”
I can’t do that. My lost past keeps chasing me. I keep getting caught.
“Our base was…”
It was a village, with a large building by the square as the field hospital, and a cross opposite it.
And our unit had a military chaplain, right? I remember it was a priest.
Discussion
0 CommentsNo comments yet.