Chapter 235
‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.
On the surface, he looked just like my husband. Even the careful way he trimmed my nails was the same as always. Yet something felt off, as if he had changed in some intangible way.
“You… you’ve changed.”
Was he really going back to that cold, distant man he used to be, the moment we returned to our homeland?
“I haven’t changed. It’s the situation that’s changed.”
Killian replied, deftly snipping away a rough bit of skin from my finger, changing the subject.
“The situation?”
I didn’t understand, but he went on, his voice strangely detached.
“From now on, a maid will probably take care of this kind of thing.”
Did he mean that all the things he used to do for me would soon be done by someone else?
“I don’t want that. I want you to do it. I’m scared when strangers do things for me. And I want you to bring me flowers, too. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy from the garden—wildflowers are enough, as long as you pick them yourself. No matter how things change, I want you to stay the same. Don’t drift away from me.”
I grabbed his hand as he finished with my nails, refusing to let him pull away.
Killian stared down at my now-smooth fingers, absentmindedly rubbing them as he muttered,
“If I’m not here, your hands will probably be a mess again. There’ll be no one to hold your hand when you’re anxious, so you’ll end up picking at your skin until it bleeds.”
Finally, he looked up at me. The sadness in his eyes was impossible to look away from. With a tender smile, he tucked my damp hair gently behind my ear.
“If I’m not here, who will watch over you when you bathe, or wash the places you can’t reach…?”
His fingers traced my ear and slid down the nape of my neck, resting on the edge of my robe. For a moment, I thought he might slip it off—but instead, he carefully pulled the loose front closed, covering my chest in a gesture that was so casually kind, it sent a strange shiver through me.
“If you get cold at night, who’ll hold you? Who’ll feed you your favorite bites when you lose your appetite? Who’ll pick you armfuls of wildflowers every day? If I’m not here, who will love…”
He paused, the word love hanging unspoken in the air, and amended,
“…who will take care of you?”
“You’re right. If you’re not here, who will love me and look after me?”
The words were true, yet they made my heart flutter with anxiety. It wasn’t just a hypothetical—he sounded like someone who truly expected to be gone.
“How am I supposed to let you go, when it’s like this…?”
“Killian, why are you saying things like that?”
He cupped my face in his hands, gently stroking my cheeks, looking at me with a kind of longing, as if he had to let go of me but couldn’t bring himself to do it.
The uncertainty was suffocating. Then, abruptly, he let out a shaky laugh, as if realizing how ridiculous he sounded.
“Ha… It’s silly, isn’t it? Worrying about something that will never happen…”
So it was just drunken rambling, I thought, my nerves settling as I managed a small laugh of my own.
“Exactly. Why worry about something so pointless? You’ll always be by my side—”
“Anyone could do these things for you, a maid or another man. You’ll be just fine, even if I’m not around.”
No—this wasn’t a hypothetical. It sounded like a plan. Panic welled up inside me, and I threw my arms tightly around his neck.
‘Just this morning, you were the one afraid I’d leave you. So why are you acting now like you’re the one planning to leave me?’
I held on so tightly, it was as if I feared I might really lose him.
“Did you pick up some awful new drinking habit I don’t know about? If so, it’s not funny. Stop it.”
But Killian didn’t return my embrace, nor did he stop with his grim talk.
“I’m the one who can’t live without you… not the other way around.”
“Don’t just say it—prove it. Act like someone who truly can’t live without me. Because honestly, it feels like you’d be fine if I disappeared.”
“That’s not true… How could you think that?”
“Because I don’t do anything for you. I’m just… a burden.”
I had to admit it. The truth was, I’d been nothing but a weight on him.
“I mean it. If I were gone, you’d have nothing to lose.”
Killian gave a bitter smile and muttered, as if to himself,
“Dana, no one can live without their heart.”
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