Please Forget Me - Chapter 301

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

I told you before, my prayers are never answered.

“My father was truly overjoyed. He’s still very proud, even now.”

“And are you happy? Are you proud of who you are now?”

“……”

You looked troubled. I only learned later why. Your father had received investment from Rupert and built a hospital. Breaking off the engagement was not a matter concerning only you and Rupert.

“It was my choice. I’m an adult, and I have to take responsibility for my decisions.”

“But having the courage to reverse a wrong choice before it’s too late—”

“And no one lives exactly the life they dreamed of as a child. Did you dream of becoming a military chaplain when you were young, Father?”

“…….”

“No one gets to do everything they want in life. And honestly, even I think I’m living a life with little to complain about… I was just indulging in a moment of petty, well-fed grumbling. That’s all.”

“There’s no such thing as a life with nothing to complain about. My question was whether this is truly the life you want—”

“Father.”

“…….”

“Who in this world has a relationship without even the smallest disappointment? Suggesting I reconsider my engagement just because I voiced a bit of frustration feels extreme.”

Had I pushed too hard, too fast? In the end, it only backfired.

“Rupert loves me. And I love Rupert.”

No, you love Rupert because you once loved me.

“Rupert hasn’t really changed. He’s just grown up. We’re past the age where we can live on romance alone, aren’t we? We have roles to play now. Responsibilities. Relationships with others to consider.”

That was where I stopped trying to persuade you.

“I really do appreciate your concern, but you don’t have to take seriously something I said while drunk.”

After that, you never again showed me any disappointment toward Rupert. I regretted it. And I wavered.

‘Should I have shown her the necklace and told her the truth?’

That conflict remained unresolved for months.

Meanwhile, Rupert slowly began revealing his true nature. The inexplicable inferiority complex toward me.

I was a hero recognized by the state. Rupert was not. And honors cannot be stolen the way one steals a hunted prize or a woman.

When he kept sending my company into nonstop dangerous missions and battles, I hadn’t realized it was his attempt to outdo me by earning merit. Even when he nitpicked my sermons, I hadn’t suspected it.

“Don’t undermine the soldiers’ morale.”

I acknowledged the soldiers as human beings. I wanted them to remember their humanity even on land that denied it. Because I worried about the lives they would have to live if they survived.

But Rupert wanted them to forget they were human and become obedient killing machines.

“Comparing command to foolish sheep leading others astray. If you weren’t an Ackroyd, you’d have been thrown in the stockade already. Enough.”

I didn’t shut my mouth just because he said that, but I did think he wasn’t entirely wrong. I only realized he was trying to belittle me out of jealousy when he began imitating me himself.

“Men!”

A man who had never done such a thing before suddenly gathered his company in the square before a battle and gave a speech meant for all to hear.

“Will you allow our savage enemies to defile our homeland—our mother? The nation that gave you life now demands your lives in return! The time to repay her has come!”

Old habits die hard. The speech was plagiarized from some book.

The naïve new recruits cheered, whipped into fervor. The seasoned soldiers—those who knew their commander well—accepted the expensive liquor and cigarettes he had bought with his own money and sighed. They sensed it would be hard to come back alive.

Listening to that speech, my mouth tasted bitter at the thought that I would soon be officiating their funeral masses.

I don’t know what you were thinking as you looked out from the hospital window at that moment.

“Killian, take good care of my men.”

He said that to me while seeing the troops off as they boarded the trucks. He was telling me to go, while the company commander himself stayed behind.

‘Did he want me to die out there?’