Please Forget Me - Chapter 348

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

[….

Because at that time, being with you—laughing together, sharing kisses while looking at your face—was far happier than anything else.

I clung to memories of happiness with you only because my present with the Marquis was unbearable.

If you still can’t believe that I loved only you after all this, then perhaps the only thing left is to tear out my heart and show it to you.

You once said that I loved you because you were my ‘husband’. You begged me to love you for yourself alone.

You couldn’t believe my love.

Now I finally understand why you said that on the very first night after you returned to our homeland. Back then, you only seemed strange to me. But now my chest aches unbearably. If I could, I would go back and hold you tighter that night. Much tighter.

I once told you that I didn’t love you to begin with. That I looked at you with hatred.

I don’t even know if the me from before the injury truly hated you. Honestly, I find it hard to believe.

Perhaps I was simply frightened, like I was on the day I learned the truth. I was a married woman. Maybe I was shaken by the fact that a man who wasn’t my husband—worse, a priest—was looking at me as a woman.

But even if I don’t know exactly what I felt then, one thing is certain: I didn’t yet know that you were my true love.

So forget that look in my eyes. It cannot represent my true feelings.

And loving you because you were my husband, what nonsense is that?

If that were true, I should have fallen in love with you the moment I woke up in the hospital and you told me you were my husband. But I didn’t. I was afraid of you for a long time.

And if that logic were true, then I should have loved the Marquis as well. Do you know how deeply I despise that vile fraud?

One day, I swear, I’ll dance gleefully atop his grave. Truly. Without fail.

Even after all this, you probably still believe I loved you only because you were my husband, because a woman who lost her memory had to love the one man who protected her in order to survive.

But then tell me this: why do I still love you now?

I am the heiress to the largest hospital in the kingdom. I am the wife of a Marquis. I can live without you.

And yet, I don’t want to.

Killian, I fell in love with you because you are you.

I’ve never told you when I first felt my heart stir toward you after I lost my memory, have I?
Aren’t you curious?

I’ll tell you when we meet.

Looking back now on the long history of our love, I realize that believing my feelings were deceitful was the true deception. I pretended otherwise, but deep down, I was always hoping that you were the real one.

The moment I heard the truth from your mother, I was so happy I nearly shouted with joy.

Then I cursed the Marquis, telling him to die before he could fulfill his wish of going bald.
I did well, didn’t I?

The moment I knew you were the real one, I abandoned everything and ran away. I tried to run to you, but you were in a place I couldn’t reach.

Killian… why do you keep refusing to see me?

Are you angry with me? Then meet me and let us talk it through. Give me the chance to apologize. Please.

Don’t tell me you hate me now. Don’t tell me you never want to see me again.

I miss you. No, this isn’t mere longing. I ache for you.

I miss the days when we drifted from one tiny rented room to another. From that single room in Leningen to the attic of the Bauer house. We had nothing then, but I had you. And those were the happiest days of my life.

Killian, I feel the same way you do. I’m sorry it took me so long to realize it.

If I say things like this, the military police may brand me a traitor as well. That would be fine. Then I could be investigated and tried alongside you.

That way, even if you refuse to see me, we’d be forced to meet.

This is how mad I am about you, my love.

I’ve heard that the military police might read this letter. In their eyes, we’ll probably look like immoral, deranged beasts. Let them think so. I don’t care, as long as you understand me.

So before I report myself as your accomplice, please say that you never committed treason. Get out of that prison.

After that, I have plans for everything. And if all else fails, we can simply hold hands again and run away to another country.

So come back to me, my love.

I will wait for the day I can fall asleep in your arms again.

—Dana

P.S.
According to you, I used to be good at writing letters when I was young. Now I’m so embarrassingly bad at it that I couldn’t convey all of my feelings.

So please, accept my request to see you. Please!]

* * *

I sealed the letter with a kiss—pressed my lips to the paper—and sent it with the lawyer.

I agonized over whether to lie and claim I was carrying your child, but I decided not to. I was afraid that a lie would cheapen my other truths. And somehow, I felt certain that you would see through any lie I told.

One day after the lawyer delivered my letter, I received a reply from Killian.