Chapter 285
The studio, now ownerless, the image of Macy connecting with another man—something he hoped wasn’t true—flooded his mind. Abandoned trust, the burning betrayal alongside the cabin and irreversible regrets.
In an instant, memories of that day overwhelmed his thoughts, making his stomach churn. A stabbing headache accompanied the nausea.
Rubens gasped sharply for breath and hurriedly rummaged through his pocket. Just as he was about to take a pill from his medicine case, the rough sound of hooves echoed.
Despite the noisy rain, the sound came through clearly. He stood like a statue, staring blankly until the carriage stopped in front of the cabin and Macy stepped out.
“Eren. Why are you out here? Have you been waiting for me? If I’d known, I would have come earlier…”
She started speaking but noticed the medicine bottle in Rubens’s hand.
“I was just smoking a cigar. Did you eat well?”
Rubens smoothly slipped the pill bottle back into his pocket without rushing.
“…Yes.”
“Good. It’s chilly with the rain. Let’s go inside.”
Rubens wrapped his arm around Macy’s shoulder and led her inside. Seeing her face, he let out a sigh of relief.
Yes, what happened before wouldn’t happen again.
She had married Rubens and said she would stay by his side. She was a woman who had endured his lowest moments and still chose to be with him.
So he had to do better—no more breaking her, no more binding her, and no more suppressing his boiling desires.
That way, they could maintain this peaceful life. Rubens could enter the room where Macy and their child were.
Macy would not die. She would not want to die. The name Macy, painted on his back, would never disappear again.
But why didn’t this damn anxiety subside? Why, despite nothing being wrong, was he alone trapped in a nightmare?
While Macy went to change, Rubens couldn’t hold back the nausea and headed to the bathroom. He hadn’t eaten, so there was nothing to throw up, but the dry heaves wouldn’t stop.
“Eren? What’s wrong?”
Sensing something was off, Macy knocked on the bathroom door.
“I’m coming in—”
“Don’t open it.”
Before Macy could open the door, Rubens grasped the doorknob, breathing heavily as he forced out a voice.
“I think I have indigestion. Even as a married couple, we don’t need to see each other like this.”
“…”
There was silence beyond the door for a while. Just as he thought Macy would relent and back off, the door suddenly burst open.
“We are married, so I need to see you. If you’re sick, shouldn’t I be the first to know?”
Macy came inside, her face was filled with concern.
“Let me see. You don’t seem to have a fever. I’ll call the doctor. How long have you felt like this?”
She gently touched Rubens’s pale face and asked worriedly.
“It’s nothing. Really, just nothing. What is this medicine?”
Then Macy pulled the pill bottle from Rubens’s pocket.
“I kind of already know. I heard you were seeing a psychiatrist, right?”
Before Rubens could make up another plausible excuse, Macy cut him off.
“This must be related to that, right?”
“Who told you that?”
“That’s not the important part right now.”
“Hah…”
Rubens frowned deeply.
This was the medicine he took when his anxiety flared—a d**g to reduce those floating, nagging thoughts and relax his body.
He was also prescribed sleeping pills to prevent nightmares. Without them, he would often wake up drenched in cold sweat from bad dreams.
The guilt that gnawed at his mind like maggots had driven him to self-harm. He’d been consistently undergoing these treatments and hypnosis since Macy disappeared—and even now, with her by his side.
Though the symptoms had improved, Rubens was still gripped by the fear that Macy might one day leave him.
Outwardly, he corrected his unpleasant behaviors, donned a calm mask, and treated Macy tenderly. But inside, seeing his broken self, he worried she might come to hate him—which made him rot in a different way.
How could he possibly open up about such a pitiful and anxious inner turmoil to Macy? To the woman he had captured?
A woman who deserved only the best and nothing less.
Seeing no sign of Rubens speaking up, Macy finally broke the silence.
“Are you not wanting to sleep with me related to these medicines?”
“…”
Rubens still couldn’t answer.
“If you don’t say, I’ll assume your feelings have cooled.”
“That’s impossible…”
Rubens started to protest but stopped. Transparent tears welled in Macy’s eyes.
“Please tell me. I feel like I keep hurting you without realizing it, and it’s tearing me apart inside.”
“Don’t cry, Macy. It’s not your fault. I’m really okay. It’s not because of you.”
“Then why… huh…”
Seeing Macy’s wet face, his heart twisted painfully. He felt as if he had ruined everything after promising never to make her cry again.
This couldn’t go on. He had to fix things somehow.
Rubens gently soothed her and led her back to the bedroom, sitting her down on the bed while patting her back.
Discussion
0 CommentsReactions
No comments yet.