Chapter 34
I closed my eyes, feeling the heat surge through my body. It was so overwhelming, it felt like I might bleed again from my nose. Struggling to suppress the impulse, Olivia, unaware, grabbed the hem of my clothes.
“Um…”
“Asher. Call me Asher.”
My mouth moved of its own accord. I wanted her to call me by name. My desires slipped out, and I couldn’t hold them back anymore.
I couldn’t resist. I ended up taking her in my arms and heading back to the carriage. I couldn’t let her walk through the woods in a wet dress. The entire way, I could barely breathe.
It wasn’t just that my body was burning with heat, I also felt guilty, ashamed of myself for being so filthy, for touching her.
I had to pull away from her. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t leave her behind. It wasn’t something I could control. She had to run away from me, as far as possible. Somewhere I couldn’t follow. I couldn’t stay away from her, but she needed to get away from me.
But Olivia didn’t pull away. Instead, she moved closer to me. Closer than I had ever expected.
She tested me. She challenged me like a demon testing human desires. But Olivia, you can’t be a demon, so it must be me who’s the villain. You were just a goddess testing evil.
997th Year of the Empire, June 7th
I was confused. Olivia was hurt, and it drove me mad with worry. I wanted to see her face, to make sure she was okay. But I couldn’t bring myself to open the door and face her. I kept thinking of her, wet from the lake.
I swear, up until now, I had never felt physical desire for her. I just liked her, the way she was. But now, I was drawn to her. The feelings I had once kept in check had grown into a burning desire, a fire so large that it made everything I had felt before seem small.
I gripped my head in anguish.
What was I thinking, especially with her in pain? I felt like a filthy monster. For a whole week, as she couldn’t get up, I stood outside her door, trying to calm my mind.
Forget it. Forget that day. Forget the soft, full shape of her… I closed my eyes.
Even with my eyes closed, her silhouette lingered in my mind.
“Ha…”
I covered my mouth with my hand, feeling the heat rise in my face. Truly… my thoughts were so filthy.
997th Year of the Empire, June 14th
The day Olivia recovered, I felt everything I had worked for unravel. The moment I saw her, everything I had tried to forget came rushing back. I even began imagining things I hadn’t noticed before.
As I followed her for a walk, my mind was in turmoil. I shouldn’t have been thinking what I was thinking, but then she smiled. It felt like she knew exactly what was going through my mind, and my body trembled.
But that didn’t last long. Olivia staggered, her movements unsteady. Though her actions seemed unnatural, I couldn’t help but worry. It hadn’t been long since she had recovered. Was it another fever coming on? I found myself moving toward her.
“I think I’m going to fall!”
Her knee was about to touch the ground.
“No!”
I panicked. Not again. How weak was her body? How could I have been thinking such trashy thoughts while she was like this? I was filthy, I was a disgusting person. The guilt felt like it was choking me.
I gently wiped Olivia’s forehead, hoping to check her temperature.
“……”
Is she feverish? Contrary to my expectation that it would be hot enough to burn my hand, her forehead was only lukewarm.
I was confused, staring at her. With her eyes half-lidded and unfocused, she was staring at my lips. Suddenly, every nerve in my body was focused on my lips. I couldn’t stop thinking about it.
Why was she looking at me like that? My lips feel dry. I couldn’t help but lick them.
That’s when Olivia’s gaze blurred. Her face was getting closer and closer. Her breath was mixing with mine. My heart raced.
We were about to touch. We were about to…!
‘You filthy bastard! How dare you…!’
In an instant, my father’s voice roared in my head like lightning. I froze. I had almost touched her.
I immediately pulled away. I was a filthy bastard.
I left Olivia there, stunned, and ran away. I wanted to cry. My chest felt tight.
“Ahh!”
I swung my sword wildly. I wanted to shake off the filth.
“Go away! Get away!”
Please, stay away. I want to go to her. I want to touch her.
997th Year of the Empire, June 16th
Today, Olivia didn’t seem to be in a good mood. Because of that, I couldn’t sleep, my mind was restless. I headed toward her. It was late.
It wasn’t the right time to visit, but I didn’t know how to turn back now.
As usual, I stood under the tree with white blossoms, looking up at her window. The light was on. Something must have happened in the salon today.
Was it because of me? Was it because I was following her around, that I was causing her trouble?
As I stood there, lost in thought, staring at the light spilling from her room, Olivia unexpectedly came out onto the balcony.
“Asher?”
Her surprised face appeared. I saw her saying something, but I couldn’t hear it. Was it really because of me? Of course, someone like me…
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