Chapter 104
“I’ll be back.”
His smiling eyes sparkled. I waved to Kin. I waited until he turned the corner and disappeared from view before closing the door.
***
I sat in a chair, staring blankly at the wall.
Of the three things I needed to do, none could be done right now. Further interfering with Father’s ability control device today would put too much strain on his body, and attending the masquerade ball with Kin and disappearing afterward wasn’t something I could do at this moment.
That left only one thing: preparing the gifts I wanted to give to Kin, Mother, and Father.
I awkwardly asked the maid, who was clearing the table and airing out the room, for what I needed.
“I’d like to do some embroidery. Could you get me some supplies?”
I requested three pieces of fabric suitable for handkerchiefs. The maid hesitated for a moment, then broke into an overly bright smile.
“I’ll bring them right away! Is there anything else you need, Madam?”
The word “Madam” always felt strange. I stiffly nodded to the overly enthusiastic maid. She quickly returned with all the necessary embroidery tools.
“I’ve brought chalk for the design, an embroidery hoop, a sewing kit, and the fabric. Do you need any other colors besides the thread in the sewing kit?”
“This is enough. Thank you.”
“Yes!”
“Oh, and also…”
I didn’t think the maid would report every little thing to Kin or Mother, but just in case, I added that she shouldn’t mention my request. It wouldn’t be fun to spoil the surprise.
The maid tilted her head, a puzzled look on her face. However, she didn’t ask for a reason.
“Yes, I understand. Please rest well, Madam!”
The maid left with a cheerful smile. The perpetually sunny disposition of the Grand Duke’s staff never ceased to amaze me.
I calmed myself and looked at the fabric in front of me. I had never learned embroidery, nor had I had the opportunity to, but out of sheer boredom during my solitary hours at home, I had secretly taught myself using books.
Since I hadn’t learned properly, anyone who saw my work would probably call it amateurish. Honestly, I wasn’t confident enough to show it to anyone. The materials I had used for embroidery until now were nothing more than sewing kits the maids had tossed my way, telling me to mend my own worn-out clothes. That’s probably why it was even more of a mess.
Despite this, I decided to embroider because it was one of the few things I had ever done, besides reading. I occasionally drew and wrote, but pens weren’t readily available to me, so I couldn’t say I did those more often than embroidery.
‘I couldn’t even bring a dowry, I don’t have any money, and I can’t exactly recite self-composed poetry when I’m planning to disappear secretly.’
Naturally, all that was left was embroidery.
I didn’t have time to embroider large designs on the handkerchiefs. I had to settle for small accents along the edges. That way, I could finish all three.
Before starting, I considered one last time whether I should really give them these gifts.
Maybe this was a bad idea. If I wanted to disappear without causing any trouble, wouldn’t it be better to leave without a trace, without even a gift? Yet, my heart kept leaning towards giving them something.
‘I’ve received so much love; I want to give something back.’
I’m not dying because of you, so please don’t misunderstand. I wanted to express my gratitude for the time we spent together.
I’ll return to Lizziana and somehow manage to have an accidental death. So please, don’t blame yourselves. Don’t investigate further. I want you to think that I lived an ordinary life, peaceful enough to make these gifts, and then simply died in an unforeseen accident. I want you to believe that my death wasn’t anyone’s fault.
I wanted to give these gifts with all these meanings attached.
Finally putting an end to my hesitation, I picked up the chalk. I had already decided on the designs, so there was no hesitation in drawing them. I began to move the chalk with practiced ease.
On one piece of fabric, I drew two cosmos flowers, and on the other two, small clusters of rapeseed blossoms. Since I was giving gifts, I wanted to embroider the most meaningful things.
Cosmos were the first flowers I gave to Kin.
I wonder if Kin knew. That the flower language of cosmos is “sincerity.” That they represent pure feelings and affection.
I hadn’t known the meaning of cosmos myself until much later. After learning the flower language, I spent a while lost in romantic musings, wondering, “He’s a nobleman, so he must have known the meaning of cosmos, right? Did he accept them knowing that?”
With a faint smile at the memory, I picked up the next piece of fabric and drew the rapeseed blossoms.
The flower language of rapeseed blossoms is “cheerfulness and brightness.” It suited Mother and Father perfectly. I drew the flowers, hoping that their lives would continue to be filled with cheerfulness.
As I drew the designs, thinking about their meanings, my mind wandered to the lilac scent Kin was so insistent on wearing.
“I’m not changing it because it’s the same scent as you.”
How could a person possibly smell of lilacs?
Anyway, the flower language of the lilac, the flower that prompted such an absurd statement, was—
“First love.”
“…Is that what he meant?”
My ears burned. Even if he hadn’t meant it that way, the thought of the severely afflicted flower-obsessed man comparing me to a flower again made me lose my composure.
I fanned myself a few times before I could finally focus on my embroidery again.
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