Chapter 106
[Still, no means no. If it wasn’t something that would strain your body, I would concede, but this is different.]
I didn’t give up easily. Normally, I would have surrendered immediately, terrified of having to assert my opinion to someone else, especially an elder, but this time was different. I didn’t have much time.
“Then I’ll just work on getting used to my power today, just enough to learn control. That should be all right, shouldn’t it, Father?”
[Still…]
“I absolutely won’t overdo it. I’ll just do enough to learn how to regulate the power that leaks out all day long. Wouldn’t it be harder on my body if it just keeps leaking like this? So please, Father. I’m begging you.”
My conscience wouldn’t let me imitate the pleading, starry-eyed look Lizzy used on her mother whenever she wanted something, but I did my best to keep any hint of urgency or ulterior motive from my eyes.
My father-in-law furrowed his brow, his eyes wavering, and then he finally sighed and gave in.
[…Very well. But only a little. I am only permitting you to do enough to practice.]
“Yes! I promise!”
Yes, I’ll practice controlling my power. But even after I learn how, I’ll still use it with the same intensity as yesterday. And I’ll let it keep leaking overnight. That’s the only way you’ll wake up sooner. Please just assume it’s because of my poor control.
I made a long, silent confession as I took his hand.
It feels like all I do is lie since coming here.
At the count’s estate, I could barely even state an opinion, let alone tell a lie. It seemed I was doing more and more things for the first time since coming to Blashur.
Come to think of it, from the very first day I arrived at the duchy, I was flustered by the welcome I received from the maids, something I had never experienced before.
Looking back, because I had done so little before, nearly everything I experienced here was a first. It wasn’t a gradual change; from the beginning, it was as if I had stepped foot in a strange, foreign land where every single thing was new.
My father-in-law remained still beside me, watching me intently without the slightest waver. It seemed that while he was worried about me, he didn’t want to disturb my concentration, so he simply observed.
This kind of warm gaze is a first, too.
He didn’t rebuke me for not having an ability. He didn’t belittle me as someone who had learned nothing. He didn’t treat me lightly. No one here berated me for not speaking properly, even though I must have seemed frustratingly hesitant.
He just watched over me quietly from behind, as if to protect me and ensure I was doing well.
I will wake you. I promise.
Just as I’d promised my father-in-law, I focused on reducing the range of my erratically leaking power as I began to untangle his knotted skein.
It was difficult to concentrate on two things at once, but it was more manageable than I’d expected. As if it had been waiting to be used, my power, once I acknowledged it, moved according to my will more smoothly than ever before. While I couldn’t do anything about the minor leakage, I was able to reduce the range of the broader discharge.
So this is how you control power without a control organ.
I was glad I’d figured it out before it was too late.
At this rate, I could wake him by tomorrow morning, but then I wouldn’t be able to leave the duchy. Once he was awake, the whole household would be in an uproar, and an outing to Lizziana would be out of the question.
If my power continued to leak as usual tomorrow night—the night of the ball—then he would likely make a full recovery by the following afternoon.
I had to move quickly before he woke up. I would have to say I had business in Lizziana and slip out in the morning, at the latest.
That means I’ll have to leave without even getting to greet him.
It couldn’t be helped. I would have to be satisfied with just waking him.
I worked at his skein, untangling it faster than I had yesterday. To avoid making him suspect I was overexerting myself, I stopped after unraveling a similar amount as the day before.
[My… dear. As we… agreed, that… is enough.]
My father-in-law spoke through his pain, just as he had yesterday, his eyes wide as if trying to pretend he wasn’t suffering. Having achieved my goal for the day, I obediently released his hand.
Now, all of his limbs were invisible. Even his abdomen had begun to fade slightly. His body was in such a state, he must have been in more pain than I, yet the first thing he did was worry about me.
[Are you all right? You’re not dizzy or anything?]
“No, I don’t feel any pain at all.”
[I don’t know if it was any help in learning to control your power.]
“…I think I understand a little, but I’m still not very good at it. I’m sorry.”
[Don’t apologize to me. You have done nothing wrong. In fact, I’m the one who is sorry for not being of more help.]
His expression fell. I changed the subject and asked about his condition.
“Are you all right, Father? You’ve become so transparent you’re almost impossible to see.”
[I’m fine. As my spirit becomes more transparent, it feels like it’s connecting to my physical body. My senses are sharper than before. I even feel a bit hungry. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt like this.]
He truly was on the verge of waking up. A smile bloomed on my face, but my father-in-law didn’t smile with me. He continued to watch me, worried that something might be wrong.
[Ah, that reminds me. I’m concerned that using your power might aggravate your chronic illness. Why don’t you see the physician again on your way out? Are you taking your medicine properly?]
“…Yes. Thank you for your concern. But it’s really nothing serious, so I’m fine.”
My father-in-law was starting to show interest in my illness. The unexpected question made the smile on my lips twitch and fade. I rose hesitantly from my seat and edged toward the door.
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