Chapter 20
My back stiffened as I followed along, listening to their conversation. No, it can’t be. Surely not. It couldn’t be. I told Desi not to do it. Desi even promised he wouldn’t. I pressed down the fearful thoughts in my mind, trying to ignore them despite my racing heart.
“How did he die?”
“He died in a similar manner to the livestock that had been killed. Stomach split open, entrails spilling out. His entire body was clawed as if by something sharp, and his neck was crushed—broken. It was evident that it wasn’t the work of human strength. It looked like it had been smashed with a blacksmith’s hammer.”
Terrified, I covered my ears with my hands. My ears went numb, and my father’s voice grew distant and faint.
“Such a strong animal is rare. It must have been large. Are there no witnesses?”
“None. Not a single one.”
“He must have screamed.”
“Someone did hear a scream, but they said it wasn’t very loud. More like the sound someone makes when they trip and fall.”
“So, it killed him before he could scream. That beast.”
The hunter’s eyes narrowed. Although his expression was serious, his lips curled slightly upward. Like an explorer delighting in the mysteries of a treasure-filled labyrinth, the hunter seemed to enjoy hearing about the gruesome events that had taken place in our village. He seemed to find the deaths of livestock and people amusing.
My father, the hunter, and a few attendants decided to go out to inspect the scene. My father donned tall leather boots and hung a sharpened sword at his waist. I stayed behind at the mansion, watching the carriage depart.
The sight of the horses and carriage kicking up dust as they sped away made me anxious. Though it wasn’t hot and they weren’t running hard, sweat poured down. I wiped my sweaty forehead and descended to the cool dungeon.
As always, Desi was waiting for me. Bored and lying on the floor, Desi sprang up and smiled brightly when he saw me. His fangs peeked out between his lips. He knelt down and looked up at me.
“You’re here early today.”
“Desi.”
“Why do you look like that?”
“…”
Why did I come here? I was clearly afraid of Desi. Yet whenever I felt scared, I came to the dungeon. Running from anxiety and fear, I came to face the very thing I feared. It was an action no one would understand.
In fact, I subconsciously knew that Desi might be a terrifying presence to others, but to me, he was not a threat.
“I’m scared.”
“Of what?”
Desi was anxious to comfort me. But he couldn’t bring himself to touch me. He acted as if I might break if he did.
“I’m scared of the hunter who came to the mansion. And I’m scared of what’s going to happen.”
“What do you think will happen?”
“I’m scared the hunter will capture you and kill you…”
As soon as I voiced my fears, I was startled. The vague fear became real and overwhelmed me.
I realized what I was most afraid of. It wasn’t the terrible things Desi had done or the hunter. It was the fear that Desi might die. And as soon as I realized it, the tears I had been holding back for so long started to fall.
Knowing that the hunter was coming, I felt like I was being chased. It felt like I was living in a dark nightmare all day long. I felt the terrifying sensation of a monster chasing me, trying to catch me while I ran slowly, unable to escape. Morning or night, I was plagued by this nightmare, filled with anxiety.
“Don’t cry. That won’t happen.”
Desi’s gentle voice soothed me. I walked up to him and hugged his head tightly. Feeling Desi’s warmth, his hot breath, and his strong heartbeat reassured me.
Desi was alive, vividly so. He wasn’t a beast to be beaten or a monster to be killed by the hunter. He was just a child living in this dungeon, struggling to survive.
No matter how horrible his deeds were, I didn’t want Desi to die. He behaved like a meek lamb with me. Regardless of everything else, I wanted to be selfish. Even if Desi’s death would benefit many, I couldn’t bear the thought of it. Desi, who had lived in this dungeon enduring abuse, would be too pitiful to lose.
“Seli, I’ll be careful. Stop crying. I did wrong. I won’t kill livestock anymore. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
Desi kept apologizing as if he were terrified. After making him promise not to leave the dungeon for a while, I stopped crying.
“Your eyes are all swollen. You’ve got snot, too.”
Desi chuckled, looking at my face. I wiped my tear-and-snot-streaked face with my sleeve.
“It’s all because of you, Desi.”
Though it wasn’t entirely his fault, I grumbled, rolling my eyes.
“Yeah. I’m sorry.”
Desi apologized again, and I felt my heart soften. I fiddled with Desi’s drooping ears, finding comfort.
Good Desi. Desi, who was kinder to me than anyone else. Desi, who I adored more than anyone else.
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