The Beast That Licks Me - Chapter 1.12

Sarhen’s family, the Taylor family, was beautiful but physically weak. They had constitutions that made pregnancy difficult, and it was common for women to die during childbirth.

Sarhen’s older sister, Yeni, also married early due to her beautiful appearance, but when no child came after three years, she was sent to live with her uncle, who had inherited the Taylor family, under the pretext of recuperation.

Despite saying he would come for her within six months, her husband took a second wife the month after Yeni left. Upon hearing this news, Aunt Yeni threw herself into an ice-covered river before spring came. Fearing blame, she left not even a single line for the world that had made her this way. Unable to even leave a will, she was buried alone and desolately. People hushed it up, calling it an accident, but Rosette had thought since childhood that it was Yeni’s husband who killed her.

Rosette knew that Sarhen would sometimes cry out for her sister Yeni when she drank too much, despite saying she had no affection for her. But how could her mother…

“…Yes. Rather than living like that, it was better for my sister to die.”

“How, how can you say that, Mom?”

“If you hadn’t been born, I wouldn’t have known either. But now I know. Just having a woman who failed at pregnancy and marriage puts the future of all women in the family at risk. My sister Yeni died honorably. For my sake, and for the sake of all the women who would be born into this family in the future.”

“…I can’t have children either, Mom.”

“That’s your uncle’s wife’s burden to bear, not mine. And definitely not something you should concern yourself with.”

Rosette felt her breath catch. It felt like her lungs were filling with water. She couldn’t even guess why Sarhen had brought this up. Rosette couldn’t bear to hurt Sarhen any further, knowing she must have shared this story with a heart full of pain. Sarhen quietly stroked Rosette’s hair.

“You’re lucky. Since he’ll be a son-in-law who joins our family, you don’t have to worry about concubines, and since Stefan is from a fallen noble family, you won’t be blamed or divorced by his family for not being able to bear children.”

“Mom, I…”

“Not as your mother, but as a senior who has been in the marriage market, men like Stefan are rare. A man who values his honor more than leaving descendants. A man who will at least pretend to love you for life because his position is important to him.”

Sarhen, whom Rosette had thought was simply soft on Stefan, surprisingly saw through him accurately. Rosette looked at Sarhen with surprise. Sarhen’s expression softened as she looked at Rosette with her eyes wide open.

“I want you to live happily. Comfortably, peacefully. Loved by your husband. Normally… That’s what all parents want.”

“……”

Rosette couldn’t continue speaking. Sarhen calmly stroked Rosette’s back.

“Stefan told me that you really want to go on a trip. So he suggested going on a family trip together for your honeymoon after the wedding.”

“…Stefan did?”

“Yes. Men who are so thoughtful are rare, Rosette. Even though it might be uncomfortable after spending so many years together. Aren’t you grateful?”

Looking at Sarhen, who seemed relieved, Rosette swallowed the words that were mumbling inside her mouth.

“Tell me if there’s somewhere you want to go. Stefan also wants to accommodate your wishes as much as possible.”

“Yes, I will.”

Rosette smiled gently at Sarhen, who was comforting her. Sarhen embraced Rosette and patted her. Rosette suddenly thought that Sarhen’s frame was quite small.

She must have given birth to me and raised me with this body.

Among the nobility, there were those who sent their children to estates in the countryside to be raised by wet nurses after birth, bringing them back when they were of age. Since people who couldn’t attend social gatherings because they were raising children were often treated as fools, many nobles followed this practice.

But Sarhen had never sent Rosette to the countryside. Nor had she ever entrusted her upbringing entirely to a wet nurse. She had kept her close like a lifeline, come what may.

Rosette knew that Sarhen truly loved her. She also knew that the woman known as the “ice of society” had a soft spot only for her. Marriage to Stefan would be, in Sarhen’s mind, the best choice for her to live a happy and peaceful life. Rosette was sad because she had no choice but to understand her mother.

“You understand your mother’s heart completely, don’t you?”

“Yes. I do.”

“Thank you, Rosette. For understanding me. Evan will live comfortably, lacking nothing. After the wedding, you can be with him just like before.”

“…Yes.”

Satisfied with Rosette’s obedient answer, Sarhen smiled broadly and kissed Rosette’s cheek.

“What are you planning to do before dinner? Would you like to play chess with me?”

“No… I’m tired, so I thought I’d rest a bit.”

“Yes, it must have been a tiring day. Get some rest.”

“Yes. Mom, I’ll go ahead.”

As Rosette left the room, Becky was waiting for her outside. Thud, the door closed, and the faint smile that had been on Rosette’s face disappeared. Her footsteps, which had been light and butterfly-like, became somewhat unrefined and quickened. Rosette’s pink hair fluttered in the air.

***

A profound silence filled the room when she arrived, out of breath from running. Without Evan, the room felt excessively empty. Rosette suddenly realized how much space Evan occupied in her life.

Well, how could it be otherwise? For many years, they were everything to each other.

Striding across the room, Rosette sat at the desk and took out a sheet of letter paper.

Plunging the quill pen into the ink, Rosette wrote unhesitatingly across the paper. She wrote so quickly that one might think she was copying something. The letter was completed in no time.

Afterward, Rosette opened a drawer and took out a small bottle containing a transparent liquid. Pop, she removed the cork stopper and poured the reagent directly onto the letter paper. The liquid was instantly absorbed into the paper. Though one might expect the paper to become soaked and soggy, surprisingly, it returned to its original state. Looking intently at the clean, crisp paper, Rosette once again wrote on it.

[ Dear Roxana,

Thank you for coming to celebrate my birthday despite your busy schedule. I regret that we couldn’t talk properly because I fainted. If it’s alright with you, would you like to set another date to visit? I’d like to come to you, but my condition isn’t good. Any day works for me.

From Rosette, who really misses you. ]

Rosette fanned the ink-soaked paper with quick flutters of a hand fan. After placing the letter in an envelope, she melted red wax over a candle. Drop, drop. The deep red wax fell onto the beige envelope. After finishing by pressing her seal, Rosette called for Becky.

“Becky.”

“Yes.”

“Could you deliver this to Lady Roxana? Personally.”

“……Me, personally?”

Becky looked puzzled. This was understandable since letters were typically sent through the Count’s personal postal service. Rosette nodded lightly and said.

“Yes. She came for my birthday, but I couldn’t properly welcome her because I fainted.”

“Ah, that’s right. Lady Roxana was very worried when you collapsed.”

“I imagine she was. I’m sorry about that. Could you also tell her I’d like her to visit again soon?”

“Yes, I’ll do that.”

Becky stood up and prepared to leave. Tapping the desk with her fingertips, Rosette asked Becky, who was putting on her outer garment.

“By the way, what happened to Judy?”

“Judy? She said she was going out briefly because her younger brother was sick, but she hasn’t returned yet.”

Did she run away? Rosette thought to herself. Servants who carelessly repeated their employers’ words could be punished with fines at the minimum or, in severe cases, have their tongues cut out. Rosette had no intention of letting Judy off easily.

“Issue a search order. We need to find her.”

“I’ll do that.”

Becky answered immediately without asking why. Rosette found this quality of Becky’s quite comfortable.

“Then I’ll be going now.”

“Ah, wait a moment.”

Rosette got up and rummaged through her jewelry box. Becky looked at Rosette with curiosity. Rosette handed Becky a hairpin that she rarely wore anymore. Though out of fashion, the flower-shaped hairpin decorated with rubies, sapphires, and peridot was worth at least a commoner’s monthly salary.

“You worked hard to prepare for my birthday, and it doesn’t feel right to let it pass without saying thank you. Convert this to cash, buy some expensive snacks for the children, and keep the rest for yourself, Becky.”

“What? That’s impossible! How could I?”

“It’s fine, I’m giving it because I want to.”

“I was just doing my duty. I can’t accept this.”

“Take it. That’s an order.”

After some argument, Becky accepted Rosette’s money.

“……Thank you, miss. But I think there will be too much money left over. I’ll return the difference to you.”