Chapter 30
Marie was at a loss for words.
“I…”
Ah. She understood.
“This is the first time I’ve lived with such abundance, and I like it. And the maids, they’re somewhat kind too.”
I was lonely.
“Kindness is a formality. Are you really that stupid?”
“Even if you say that, good is good. I don’t have to worry about starving, or about my family… I’ve never felt this comfortable in my life before.”
But it was lonely.
“…”
They had no special relationship, yet these questions somehow made her happy. Her heart pounded wildly. Swallowing words she could never say aloud, Marie continued:
“And even so, it’s alright.”
“Why? Is ‘alright’ the only thing you know how to say? How foolish and dull you are.”
“Loneliness is something I’m used to. There’s not always someone by your side, is there?”
* * *
Russell was deeply unsettled.
If there was anyone who was the dumbest person in the world, it had to be the Omega right in front of him.
Insults, yes. He figured she must be enduring that kind of humiliation as a matter of course. After all, wasn’t he the one who gave those orders in the first place?
But…
‘More than I thought.’
He felt disgusted.
‘It’s all because of that look on her face.’
The woman’s calm, almost indifferent face, as if she was used to it all, stuck in his mind like a thorn. Pretending not to waver, acting like it didn’t bother her — yet those pale, clenched hands and eyes adrift like a solitary sailboat grated on him.
A foolish woman.
Truly foolish.
A fool who didn’t even realize how miserable she was. No matter how harsh the words thrown at her, they never seemed to ease his irritation.
Russell now understood the weakness hidden beneath the mask Marie Alphrose wore. She must have endured it all with that same expression every time. She probably swallowed those words, thinking they wouldn’t hurt in front of those who insulted her — like a fool.
He could tell because he’d seen the moment she’d been honest.
‘Ah… ngh, mm—please… hold me tighter… harder… ahh, yes… just like that!’
Her sobs mixed with moans and pleas. The woman beneath him, shaking and crushed down, was crying.
He would vomit out his pain, his loneliness, his pent-up frustrations on her, and then he would cover her from head to toe in his pheromones.
Maybe that was why he acted on impulse.
Because of just a few days of physical connection.
Because of that foolish Omega, reeking of Alpha pheromones.
Even as he tossed out those words, sounding like he meant to throw her into even deeper trouble like it was all some excuse, he couldn’t stop myself from laughing bitterly at how pathetic he was.
Was I truly going insane?
Why was that woman even being mistreated to begin with?
What was she to him, anyway?
‘That woman, of all people.’
It was a thought Russell found himself returning to often these days, and it made the curses rise in his throat. Everything had started to unravel the moment he laid eyes on Marie Alphrose. Maybe he shouldn’t have looked. Should’ve stayed back and let his enemy fall on her own.
But fxck, everything with her clicked too well.
The nightmares, those of his mother and fiancée dying, had stopped showing up in his sleep.
Whenever he held her, like he might break her, a strange sense of peace would settle over him, dragging him down into dreams. So much so that he’d started waking later and later.
Yesterday, he had almost woken up beside her. He had almost run his fingers through her sleeping hair. And the moment he came to his senses, he felt sick to his stomach and disgusted with himself.
But what disturbed him even more…
‘…I really have lost my mind.’
While he slept, his Alpha pheromones had spilled out on their own, covering her body. Like some primal instinct to protect his mate. Like his subconscious had decided it for him.
And yet, the sensation of his pheromones touching her felt so euphoric, it nearly drove him mad.
He stared at her bare back as she slept, and his goddamned cxck was standing stiff, like he was some kind of animal.
‘What the hell has that woman done to me?’
He’d never told anyone, but the way their pheromones mixed so naturally, so ecstatically, made him wonder if imprinting really did feel like this.
Of course, he scoffed at the thought.
It couldn’t be. The idea of imprinting on Marie Alphrose was absurd. Impossible even in a dream.
She must have remembered everything now that she was back in the palace. And yet there she was, shamelessly carrying on like nothing had happened. Not a flicker of guilt. Not a single apology. Not even a trace of remorse on that impudent face.
And yet—
“Loneliness is something I’m used to.”
She had said it with a smile. That smile turned his stomach.
Used to it? What bullshxt. If that was true, then why was she smiling like that? Like someone who wanted to cry but didn’t know how. Why was it so dry, so brittle?
He didn’t even know what exactly he was angry about anymore, only that the thought of her sent his mind spinning. In the end, it all came down to one thing: He was curious about her. Fxcking hell. It made him sick, but he wanted to know.
What went on in Marie Alphrose’s head. What emotions she lived with. Whether this time, this life inside the palace, was painful for her.
Whether the hell he had built was suffocating her…
‘If you are my enemy…’
What do you see when you look at me?
That’s what he found himself pathetically wondering.
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