Chapter 185
She had never once attempted—or even seriously considered—suicide. Her life had never been that unbearable, and her personality was naturally far from melancholy. She wasn’t endlessly cheerful, but she wasn’t the type to spiral into despair either.
And yet, just now, she had described it like someone who knew. As if her body had recalled the sensation on its own.
‘Did I… do it without realizing?’
Could something have happened to me that I don’t remember?
That was impossible without amnesia or dissociative identity disorder—neither of which applied to her.
But lately, unfamiliar actions, words she’d never heard, and situations she’d never experienced kept surfacing in her mind. And the backdrop of those memories was unmistakably not Earth.
At first, she wondered if they were past-life memories—something people spoke of vaguely. But she’d found the answer recently.
These were things that happened in this world.
Yoo Jaha had been here before.
She had come to this world once, lost her memories for some reason, and was sent back to Earth—only to return again through some unknown twist of fate.
These sudden, inexplicable thoughts—like the one she’d just had—were likely flashbacks.
‘Then… everything makes sense.’
But if this was truly a flashback phenomenon…
‘Then that means I tried to commit suicide by jumping in this world.’
As the shocking realization sank in, the color drained from Jaha’s face.
Jaha had always been a fearful person. She especially suffered from acrophobia—just being at a height made her unable to even glance downward. If she thought about it, her legs would go weak.
Even if someone offered her 100 million won to bungee jump, she’d be too terrified to do it. Yet, she had jumped. That meant her despair had been so overwhelming, it crushed even that fear. That life had been hell—so unbearable that living was scarier than dying.
What kind of suffering could have driven her—someone who had never even entertained the thought of suicide—to such an extreme?
‘Just what did past me go through in this world…?’
A chill crept up her nape, making her shiver slightly, when a sweet, low voice drifted over her head.
“What are you doing?”
Startled, Jaha whipped around. A man as beautiful as a painting had closed the distance between them without her noticing.
Even indoors, his appearance was flawlessly immaculate, not a single hair out of place. The sight of such perfection only deepened the strange sense of unease he gave off.
It was almost as if he was determined to show only his best self. At this point in their relationship, it wouldn’t hurt to let his guard down a little.
“I was bored, so I was looking around the mansion.”
“I see.”
He smirked and stepped closer.
“If you were bored, you should’ve come to me. I would’ve made sure you didn’t have time to feel bored.”
Jaha wasn’t dense enough to miss the heat in his saccharine voice or the desire darkening his blue eyes.
The moment his hand slid around her waist, sending an odd tingle down her spine, his large, firm grip seized her hip.
“Ah—!”
It didn’t take long for her startled gasp to melt into a heated moan.
“Ngh… Rikanan…!”
“Yes, Jaha.”
His touch on her backside was relentless, belying his calm reply. He pried her apart like splitting fruit, kneading her flesh like dough, slipping his fingers into the crease to rub, then teasing the sensitive nerves at her entrance with the thick pad of his thumb.
Meanwhile, his knee had already pushed between her thighs, grinding against her. Even though it was just the rough friction of his knee—no fingers, no tongue—her lower belly burned, and the parted slit grew slick.
“Hah… N-Not here… What if someone s-sees— Ah!”
“No need to worry. There’s no one here.”
Jaha glanced around to check if it was true. The servants who had been bustling about earlier had vanished as if they’d never been there.
His leg pressed deeper between her thighs. The firm, muscular limb moved back and forth, rubbing against her cleft, sending jolts of pleasure like electricity up her spine.
“I’d never let anyone else see you like this.”
His whisper, thick with possessiveness, brushed against her ear. At the same time, an eerie sense of déjà vu wrapped around her.
“Everyone, leave!”
A voice brimming with fury, dripping with ownership.
Exquisitely lavish attire—so dazzling it hurt the eyes. And even that splendor was eclipsed by the radiant golden hair that swayed wildly with its owner’s movements.
The man’s face was distorted like a screen glitching, but even then, the color of his eyes remained piercingly clear.
Purple.
“Say you love me.”
The man commanded like a beast, his body pressing down. The whites of his eyes were bloodshot, as if he might burst into tears at any moment.
“Say you love your master, now.”
Behind his looming shoulders lay a headless corpse, abandoned in the darkness.
“Hng—!”
Jaha, momentarily detached from reality, gasped sharply—like someone submerged underwater suddenly yanked back to the surface.
Rikanan, who had been about to push her skirt up further, mistaking her earlier sounds for pleasure, froze when he saw the pallor of her face.
“You don’t look well.”
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