The Hunting of Snow White: A Grim Tale - Chapter 81

‘Staying like this forever might not be so bad. Even though I have black hair… Mr. Hunter likes me just as I am.’

And so, at last, you came to have such a sweet little thought.

‘Do I… also like Mr. Hunter just as he is?’

You even pondered such a somewhat philosophical question. If you were to realize that I could read your thoughts so clearly, Prina, you would surely be embarrassed enough to burst into tears.

“Mr. Hunter, I don’t care what kind of person you are.”

Arrogantly, you declared that even if you learned my true nature, your heart would not change. And then, as if with resolve, you voiced your wish.

“The truth isn’t always pleasant. Sometimes it’s better not to know.”

I certainly warned you.

“So, even if it’s not now, please show me your true self someday. Because I like you, I want to know what you’re really like, whatever that may be. That’s my wish.”

You called it a wish.

When I asked again, you confirmed it truly was your wish.

To think that you would ask to see my unadorned self.

It was true that I was playing the gentleman, being cautious because I feared that if you saw my real form, you would run away again. I was afraid of that. Until now, I had never feared anything in my existence.

But losing what was mine—losing you—was the first fear I had ever known.

Yes. The very first human emotion I learned was fear.

I became curious.

Would you truly still love me no matter what I looked like? No, would you still love me even if you came to know my true form?

And so, I chose to reveal the truth to you. That was the beginning of catastrophe.

* * *

For a while after, you were sunk in gloom, as though resigned to simply live on.

Human emotions are unpredictable, scattering in every direction. They are fickle, excessive, troublesome. My Prina did not openly display them outwardly, but being human, she could not help but be swept away by them. Inevitably, she had to endure and experience such things.

It didn’t matter to me.

So long as you remained by my side…

That was what I believed.

But then, one day, Happy died.

In the end, my truth consumed you, and Happy, who loved only your touch, died along with your soul.

I once again watched you from hiding, as I used to do. I saw you sobbing uncontrollably as you buried Happy.

I knew, at least with my mind, that humans weep because they are sad. I understood the meaning, on the surface.

But to say I truly understood the meaning would not be true.

If I were human… if I could feel emotions with my heart as you do… would it have been different?

And even then, would there have been anything I could do for you?

Prina. My Prina.

You were made for me, and yet I did not truly know you.

You are like a snowflake falling in the middle of summer.

Something that cannot exist in this world, that should not exist.

And even if it does, it is something that melts the moment it is grasped in one’s hand.

That is what you are, Prina.

And yet, despite that, I will claim you.

I will take and take again, piece by piece, until I have you fully.

Love? Was I ever even a being capable of something like love? Doubt arose.

I simply wanted to possess you.

Even though I already owned you, I could not stop craving you, could not stop wanting more.

Even knowing it was absurd.

“I don’t care what kind of person you are.”

“I really will like you no matter what kind of person you are. I just wanted to tell you that.”

I wished that your naïve words, your fairy-tale dream, could be true. I wished it desperately, over and over.

But in the end, it was nothing more than a futile wish, like that snowflake in summer.

I offered what I thought was the best alternative, gave what I thought was the best apology. But no matter what I did, I could not convince you. Because, in the end, that ‘best’ was only within the framework of my way of thinking.