Chapter 50
『You keep looking. You miss him when he’s not there. You think of him when you see something beautiful . You think about him right before bed. If that’s not liking someone, then what is?』
Her tone suggested she was speaking to the dumbest person alive.
Daphne’s eyes narrowed. Maybe it was all the gutters she’d rolled through at that age, but her younger self certainly had a filthy mouth.
Who wouldn’t be moved by something bright and beautiful? It was only human to feel good when looking at something lovely. Especially when she’d be spending the rest of her life locked away in a cloister. What joy would she have, if not the joy of looking?
But the girl saw right through her. As if peering straight into the most secret, rotten part of her.
『There are plenty of beautiful things. It’s not just about looking. If it was, then why did you touch yourself thinking about him? Why did you want those big hands to hold you tight? Why did you want those pretty lips on your chest?』
Shut up.
『And what about down there? Every time you had one of those dreams — him on top of you, that big body pinning you down — you’d be scrambling the next morning to secretly wash your underwear before the sisters noticed. That’s why you were always running low on spares, remember? And when you got caught touching yourself, rutting like a bxtch in heat, scared out of your wits, don’t think I didn’t see the way your heart leapt when he said he would help you… take care of it.』
Why won’t you shut up?
『Admit it, Daphne. You gave him your heart. You’re better off being honest. Just once? Just once was enough? Bullshxt. You were scared he wouldn’t come back. That he’d leave you with just that one time. That’s what made you cry, wasn’t it? You say just looking at him is enough, but someone as gluttonous and lustful as you? Please. If that was true, you’d have walked out of his bed the second you woke up. You would’ve bolted, ot loitered around and dawdled about pretending to look for clothes!』
I said shut up!
『You want him to ruin you』
…No.
『You want him to lose control — and to drag you down with him.』
No.
『Am I wrong? You were already captivated by him from the moment you first saw him. You love beautiful things, don’t you? You saw him from afar, got all gloomy, and then jumped at the chance to talk to him like you had any right to!』
“…I said I’m not!”
“Wah?!”
Daphne shouted, unable to bear that devilish voice constantly trying to dig into her heart. At that moment, something clattered to the ground as her arm flailed, startling her enough to open her eyes.
Daphne spotted Thalia, who had landed on her bxtt under the bed.
“Th-Thalia? What are you…?”
“Ow… Daphne, your hands pack a punch, huh? You scared the life out of me.”
“S-Sorry! Are you okay? I didn’t mean to—ugh!”
As she reached out to apologize, a sharp throb pulsed through her head. Seeing Daphne go pale, Thalia waved her hands dismissively.
“Ah, no worries, no worries. You know I’ve got a sturdy butt. Worry about yourself. You were groaning in your sleep like crazy. Did you have a nightmare or something?”
“Huh? Oh… yeah…”
It was a nightmare. A demonic version of herself had shown up, desperate to expose the feelings she’d buried deep beneath her consciousness.
Leaning weakly against her pillow, Daphne only then noticed the cold sweat soaking her entire body. Thalia, holding a towel, gently wiped Daphne’s forehead.
‘It’s so cold.’
Maybe it was the nightmare, but her body was definitely shivering. She didn’t feel well. As she rolled her eyes around the room, she saw the empty beds. It looked like only she and Thalia were in the dormitory.
‘When did I get back to the convent?’
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