Chapter 194
Payne sat up, and in the torchlight he saw a head of golden hair shining like the sun.
“…Ashtel?”
Was he dreaming?
Instead of slapping his own cheek, he glanced downward.
Ever since being imprisoned, he hadn’t been able to relieve himself, so the ache from his e******n was a constant reminder.
This wretched body made it feel all the more like he was hallucinating.
“Ashtel.”
But as she approached, the sweet scent drifting off her brought him back to reality.
Payne, still dazed, stared at her until he suddenly came to his senses, quickly covering his nose and mouth with his sleeve.
Not now. If he lost his self-control, trapped here in Mediale, everyone would see him rutting like a beast.
He quickly scooted back, and Ashtel stopped herself from coming any closer.
“Sorry. Did I scare you?”
“How did you get here?”
“I heard you might die.”
“…”
“So I came.”
Even though Roman had snuck her in, this was Katzel Mediale—the very heart of the temple, home to dozens of cardinals and Pope Serena herself.
Security would be tight, especially because of Payne. She wouldn’t be able to stay long.
Ashtel spoke quietly.
“I’ll save you.”
She knelt down so she was eye-level with Payne, who sat on the bed.
“Let’s run away together. I won’t ask you to let me stay by your side. Let’s just leave Singria—find someplace where no one knows us, and live there.”
“You’re saying you’ll save me?”
“Yeah.”
“Even though you’re the one who made me like this?”
Payne’s voice, dark and cold like a rain-soaked night, made Ashtel wince.
If he’d only burned with anger, it might have hurt her less. Instead, he drove the knife calmly, as if he had given up on everything.
“All I ever wanted was to be a priest. This is the only place that ever accepted me, worthless as I am. The only place that took me in when no one else wanted me.”
“What do you mean? Why would no one want you? Payne, you—”
“You say you love me.”
He paused to steady his breath before continuing.
“But what guarantee do I have that it will last forever?”
For a moment, the cell was silent.
Forever… For a demon, eternity was unimaginably long.
Even humans, who might not live a hundred years, struggled to love one person for a lifetime. Could she really promise to love Payne, and only Payne, for thousands of years?
Ashtel couldn’t answer.
If she rashly said ‘yes’, she knew Payne wouldn’t believe her.
“I…”
Maybe it was because he thought this would be their last conversation.
Hands trembling, Payne looked straight at Ashtel and began saying things he never would have before.
“I wanted to live as a priest because, to me, God was the only one who ever answered my prayers.”
As a child, his mother had waited for his father, but he never came back.
Weary from waiting, she turned her frustration on Payne, resenting him for existing and wishing he would disappear.
Her bitter whispers were the lullabies of his childhood.
He loved her, but she never returned that love.
“The only place where I could love and be loved was Katzel. I’d rather die here, or even fall, than leave.”
Katzel always answered his prayers with divine power.
That’s why Payne, of all priests, possessed the greatest divine power in history.
The warmth of those divine answers filled the emptiness inside him.
After Payne’s confession, a long silence followed. Finally, Ashtel spoke up.
“I like you because you’re handsome.”
“…What?”
For a moment, Payne wondered if he’d misheard. But Ashtel, completely serious, continued,
“I like your body too. For a priest, you’ve got a strong chest and thighs—and I like that you have a big p***s.”
“…”
“And your hair, too. That soft gray color always looked so comfortable.”
“What are you—”
“Listen, Payne. I love your eyes, too. They’re full of the night sky, and when you cry, they sparkle like the Milky Way. I love the way your eyelids lower in prayer, and your long lashes, too.”
Ashtel didn’t pause for breath.
“I know how gentle you are with children. You correct their mistakes, but always praise what they do right. I love how you’re kind to animals, and how you can’t ignore anyone in need, even if you don’t want to get involved.”
“Wait, Ashtel—”
“I love you whether you’re laughing or crying or angry. My love for you doesn’t change, Payne.”
She loved everything about him.
Everything he did was lovable to her.
That was the nature of Ashtel’s love.
“I can love you even if you don’t want me to. My love doesn’t need you to love me back.”
All she wanted was for him to be happy.
That was the entirety of what she felt.
Realizing the nature of her feelings as she spoke, Ashtel sighed.
“Payne, if I became human for you, would you believe me?”
It was a kind of love that seemed absurd for a demon—utterly devoted and selfless love.
But it was the kind Payne had always longed for, even in his darkest fears.
For the first time, a faint glimmer of hope appeared in Payne’s eyes as he looked at Ashtel.
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