Chapter 139
Suddenly, it felt like she heard someone’s voice.
Walking down the street, Heesu stopped abruptly when she arrived somewhere and stared at the spot. It was a habit she had developed since that day. The butcher shop in the market, where Heesu’s gaze landed, had been tightly closed for several days. The woman from the butcher shop who had cried while holding Heesu’s hand was probably still mourning her child.
The people in the neighborhood would click their tongues as they passed the butcher shop, talking about the highly publicized incident on the news. They sympathized with the tragic end of the four women who had been tied to steel frames and starved to death in a warehouse. They cursed the heinous criminal, and they were scared of the uncaptured culprit and the truth that had not yet been fully understood.
Every time, Heesu felt a heavy sense of guilt. It was because she had a responsibility for it, knew the truth, and had watched their final moments. Nevertheless, she had to keep her mouth tightly shut. She had to pretend she didn’t know anything. It was unbearably shameful.
After she pretended that nothing was wrong because she was embarrassed and grateful for Izzen’s comfort, she felt that she could never again show her true feelings to anyone. She continued to pretend that nothing was wrong. But even as she lived her daily life, laughing and chatting as if everything was fine, the heavy guilt that had settled in a corner of her heart continued to eat away at her.
The guilt would never disappear. It couldn’t possibly disappear. It shouldn’t disappear.
In reality, it was as if she had killed them herself. She had ignored the opportunity to save them. It was no different from sacrificing them to protect her demons.
Perhaps if she hadn’t gotten involved in that way, they might have lived longer. The actions she took with the intention of saving them might have instead fueled their tragedy.
The magical girl in any story would not have made such a choice.
Only now did she realize it. The reason why she, who had finally become a magical girl, couldn’t become the protagonist of the story she had so admired was not because her story was a magical girl violation story and not a proper magical girl story. It was simply because she didn’t have the qualifications.
Even if she was the protagonist of a magical girl violation story, she was still a magical girl, so she didn’t want to ignore people in trouble. She wanted to help them. She knew that she couldn’t appear with a flourish and destroy everything with her amazing power, but she thought she could at least help them.
But she couldn’t even do that. After making the wrong choice, all she could do was cry helplessly, and in the end, only she was saved. She was powerless. She was so utterly powerless. She had no ability, no strength, and no qualifications.
All she could do was transform into a pretty form, and that was it. That was really all there was to it.
She was not a magical girl. Even after becoming a magical girl, she was not a magical girl. She could never become a hero of justice.
Burdened with such thoughts, Heesu’s heart was heavy. It felt as if she was carrying a lead weight in her heart. She couldn’t stand how pathetic and worthless she felt. The thought that she, such a useless person, had become this way because she had coveted something that was not meant for her wouldn’t go away.
“You look really tired.”
When she was lost in such thoughts and had a dark expression on her face, she kept having the illusion that she was hearing someone’s voice.
“Here, drink this.”
The girl with the unfamiliar face, who placed something down and smiled at her, was a stranger.
What was placed in front of Heesu was a cup of coffee. It was a coffee from the vending machine in the lounge that cost 300 won, which was filled with so much sugar and cream that it was nothing but sweet.
The unfamiliar girl, who had suddenly spoken to her, handed it to her and left. Heesu tilted her head, not knowing what was going on, and looked at her back. She then, in a daze, sipped the coffee that she didn’t usually drink. Whether it was her imagination or not, as the sweet taste spread through her body, she felt a little less tired. She also thought that she should thank her if she ever met her again.
That was all the memory Heesu had of Jin-ah.
She had even forgotten that until she saw her face that day and remembered.
The 300 won coffee she had received from someone. She had completely forgotten that act of kindness. She couldn’t even say thank you or offer a small repayment. Now she could never do it for the rest of her life. Because she had lost the chance to convey it forever.
“You look really tired.”
Again, she heard that voice.
Heesu blinked blankly.
And then she realized. That the door to the butcher shop was open today.
Heesu approached it without realizing it, lingered around the entrance, and peeked inside. She felt ashamed to show her face, but she was worried about the woman’s well-being. Then her gaze landed on a piece of paper attached to the window.
‘Part-timer wanted’
Heesu stared at it.
Ah, since Jin-ah isn’t here, she must be short-handed and looking for someone. It’s exactly the time when Jin-ah would have returned from school and helped out with the work…….
She stood there awkwardly and read the words written on it over and over again. She read it carefully and chewed on it, then repeated reading it again for no reason. Each of the letters felt painful and heavy. She had the illusion that those letters were crying out to her, telling her not to pretend she didn’t know about them.
She felt like she wanted to try working there. Now that Izzen had returned, Heesu no longer needed to earn money, but she still wanted to work. The feeling of helplessness she had felt at that time was still dizzying to think about now. She didn’t know when or what would happen again, and it made her uneasy to be completely dependent on someone else for money. She wanted to work even for a short time and save up a little money.
And, more than anything…….
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